Chapter 39 Rowan's Desolation
Malia's pov
Rowan has been avoiding me.
It's subtle at first—he's just always gone when I wake up, returned home late when I'm asleep, making excuses to be anywhere but the suite.
But by the third day, it's undeniable.
He's pulling away.
And it's breaking my heart.
I occasionally spot him on campus — in the cafeteria, where I catch him sitting with strangers; in the library, crouched behind textbooks, perpetually solitary, looking weighed down by an invisible burden.
The warm, gentle Rowan who danced with me at the Lunar Gathering and strung fairy lights through the greenhouse will not be coming back.
In his place is someone haunted.
Hurting.
And I know it's because of me. Because he saw Aiden and me together, saw us kiss, saw me choose, even though I never was going to.
"You need to talk to him," July says over lunch, as I graze at my plate without really eating.
"I've tried. He's never around."
"Then try harder." Her voice is gentle but firm. "Rowan is suffering, Malia. You're the only one who can fix it."
She's right. I know she's right.
So after my last class, rather than make my way back to the suite, I go looking for him.
I check the library—not there.
The cafeteria—empty.
His regular study places — nothing. Finally, on instinct I am making toward the building for botanical sciences. Toward the greenhouse.
Our place.
The greenhouse is quieter than usual, most students having left for the day. I press against the glass door and instantly spot him.
Rowan sat on the bench where we had once talked about constellations and enduring love, looking at the moonflowers he had planted weeks ago.
They're wilting.
Brown and curling petals, stems drooping, dying on him despite the tender care he’s given them.
He doesn't look up when I go up to him but I know he senses me.
"Hey," I whisper, sitting down next to him.
"Hey." His voice is flat, hollow.
We sit there in silence a long moment.
"The moonflowers are dying," I say at last.
"Yeah." He gently flicks one withered petal. "I don’t know why. I’ve done everything right—proper soil, correct watering schedule, optimal light. But they’re dying anyway."
There's something metaphorical in his words that makes my chest ache.
"Rowan—"
"I'm happy for you," he cuts in, not even pausing to look at me. "For you and Aiden. Really. You two make sense. He’s strong, confident, everything an alpha heir should be. "
"Rowan, that's not—"
"It's fine, Malia." He finally turns to me, and the breath I was holding is stolen away by the pain in his hazel eyes. "I always knew I was the long shot. The middle brother. Not quite as commanding as Aiden, not quite as mysterious as Cian. Just... Rowan."
"Don't say that," he said. I reach for his hand, and he pulls away gently.
“It’s true though. Aiden got to you first. Made his claim. And I—” His voice breaks slightly. “I was too slow. Too careful. Too afraid of pushing too hard.”
“The bond—"
“I know about the bond!” The words burst out of him, sharp and pained. “I feel it, Malia. Every day. This pull toward you that won't go away. This need to protect you, be near you, make you smile. I feel all of it.”
He suddenly gets up and his pacing becomes faster and faster.
"And that's what makes this so hard. Because I can't just walk away. Can't just turn off what I feel. The bond won't let me.”
“I never wanted to hurt you," I whisper.
"I know." He stops pacing, and for a moment he's silent long enough that the raw vulnerability in his gaze threatens to bring tears to my eyes. "You didn't choose this any more than we did. But that doesn't make it hurt less."
He sits back down,closer this time.
“Tell me something,” he says in a hushed tone. “When you’re with Aiden, when he kisses you, holds you—do you think about me? Even a little? ”
The question is a knife in my heart.
“Yes,” I confess. “I think about you. That night in the greenhouse when you told me about love that lasts. How safe I am with you. And how you make me laugh when everything feels impossible.”
His expression is hope lit. "Then maybe—"
"But I also think about Aiden," I say on, unable to lie. "About how he challenges me. Protect me. Makes me feel like he sees me and wants me and—"
Rowan finishes “Loved. He makes you feel loved."
The tears well up and cascade down my cheeks as I nod.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to have to choose between the two of you."
"What if you didn't have to?"
I blink, confused. "What?"
"Choose. What if you didn't have to choose?" He spins on his heel for the ten-odd degrees it takes for him to face me fully, then hunts down my hands and holds me. “The bond is what connects all of us - me, Aiden, Cian, you. What if that’s the point? What if we’re not to compete with, but to share?”
“Mate bonds don’t work that way—"
"When did we start caring about the rules?" That little hint of his usual smile reappears.
"You’re bonded to three alphas now, hybrid. We’re breaking all kinds of rules."
His words are something that Freddy said just days ago.
"Not sure if Aiden would be up for that," I say cautiously.
"Aiden doesn't own you. Neither do I. Not Cian. And yet, he still has her." He squeezes my hands. “You are not a thing to be divided. You’re a person who has the right to decide who you love. And who.”
"Rowan—"
"It's us or nothing," he says suddenly, with desperation. "Not to me choose me exclusively. But please, Malia don't close me out completely. Allow me to help with this. Part of you. – I will take anything you can give me…"
I open my mouth to protest but his lips are already on mine, warm and soft. He kisses me.
It’s not like Aiden’s kisses.
While Aiden is commanding and possessive, Rowan is begging and gentle. His lips glide over mine with a longing sweetness as if he’s trying to squeeze all the things he’s never said into this one silent moment.
“Please, don't cry,” he urges.
One hand cradles my face, taking my tears away with his thumb. The other one tangles in my hair, and the holding is gentle but sure.
I sense the link escalate between us now -- that pull that’s been in place since the beginning, asking to be confirmed.
When he backs away, we’re both panting. I'm so shocked that my mind blanked out for five seconds but I'm so surprised.
“Please,” he breathes against my lips. “Choose me. Or take us both. I couldn't care less. Just don't choose to cut me out. I can't—” His voice breaks. “I can't lose you entirely.”
“Rowan—”
“I love you.” The words tumble out, raw and honest. “I know I should not say it yet. Know it's too soon or too complicated or whatever. But I do. I love you, Malia. And I will be whatever you need if you let me --”
“What the hell is this?”
The voice cuts through the green house like a knife. We stop in our tracks.
Aiden is in the doorway, and the rage rolling off of him is more than tangible. His blue eyes are ice cold, his jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscle moving.
He's been around all of it. The kiss, the confession. It’s all of it.
“Aiden—” I begin, snapping to my feet.
“Don’t.” The single word halts me in my tracks. “Don’t try to explain this away.”
He strides into the greenhouse, and the air grows heavy with alpha dominance. Rowan stands too, positioning himself slightly in front of me.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Rowan says.
“Really?” Aiden's laugh is bitter. “Because it looks like you’re kissing my girlfriend. Confessing your love to her. Trying to steal what’s mine.”
"She’s not property—"
“I know she’s not property!” Aiden's voice rises. “But she’s mine, Rowan. She chose. She said it herself—‘I’m yours.’ Those were her words.”
“And what about the bond?” Rowan challenges. “What about the fact that all three of us are tied to her? You can’t just take her and shut the rest of us out.”
“Watch me.”
They’re inches apart now, both radiating antagonism.
“Stop!” I step between them, heart pounding. “Both of you, stop. This isn’t—”
“Stay out of this,” Aiden says, not taking his eyes off Rowan.
“Like hell I will. You’re fighting over me like I’m a prize instead of a person!”
“We’re fighting because he can’t accept that you chose!” Aiden’s gaze finally shifts to me, and the hurt beneath his anger shatters my heart. "You chose me, Malia. On our date. When you said ‘I’m yours.’ You chose."
“I—” The words were stuck in my throat.
Because he's right. I did say that but there's also the pull of Rowan, toward Cian.
The bond doesn't choose who to wrap the ties around, it ties us all.
"I'm so sorry I whisper. "I never intended to hurt either of you."
"But you did," says Aiden softly, the anger draining into something worse—disappointment. "You kissed him. Let him confess his love.”
Guilt crashes over me.
“Aiden—”
”Forget it.” He pulls back, his face shutters. “Clearly I got the wrong end of the stick with us. Do what you want.”
''That's not fair—”
"Fair?" He laughs bitterly. "Nothing about this is fair. But I'm done sharing. Done trying to be with someone who can't decide whether or not she wants me."
"I do want you—"
“Then prove it." His voice is cold now, distant.
Rowan touches my shoulder gently. "Malia—"
"Don’t.” I withdraw, tears rolling down my cheeks. “Please… don’t.”
I run.
Out of the greenhouse, across the campus, not really knowing where I’m going. Just running from the nightmare of my own making.
Behind me, I hear Rowan call my name.
But I don't stop, I can't stop.
Because everything is falling apart, and I don’t know how to fix it.