Chapter 84 Chapter 4: Elva

Chapter 84 Chapter 4: Elva
Elva:

It’s six in the morning when I sneak back into my dorm. Alex was still sleeping when I woke up, I wanted to wake him and tell him I was leaving but he looked so calm sleeping, like that was the only time he didn’t need to fight for peace. I tiptoed out of the room without anyone noticing.

My initial plan is that Anna and Nixie will be sleeping but to my dismay, they are wide awake, on their bed each clutching their pillows tightly to their chest.

Nixie has that really calm aura any time she just takes a dip in the water, “Did you guys make out? Tell us all about it!” She squeals as I gently close the door.

“We didn’t.” I say almost tiredly, last night memories flushes at me immediately, him being vulnerable, telling me about himself, him knowing what I read and reading it, him drawing me. Lots of me, if I tell Anna and Nixie all about this, they are going to gush about how he walked straight out of a romance novel. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love. My parents and sisters are happily in love. Except for Ale, he still hasn’t found that woman for him.

But sometimes, I just think that love isn’t meant for me, it is not like I am looking on the negative side, but I have just always felt like it would be better if I was just cheering for those in love and when I met my knight in ordinary clothes, my perspective started to change. Maybe there’s something for me after all.

“Why not?” Anna pouts her lips, standing up from her bed. She stands in front of me, looking at me with a frown. “Did he not want to? Oh goddess, Elva, this is really bad.”

I think back to last night as I recall, Alex looked like he wanted to kiss me so bad, and to be honest? I badly want to kiss him too, damn it. What’s wrong with me today?

“We should head to the dining hall soon.” Nixie looks at me with a twinkle in her silver eyes. We perform our skincare routine, passing each other what we have in the bathroom while blasting a Jennifer Lopez song. This is the time I crave with my girls, who would have thought we would have become so close? I just can’t imagine my life without them anymore.

As we walk to the dining hall with our uniforms on, there are posters of the mating ceremony hung on the wall...seriously? We just got into the academy and all people care about is finding their mate and for a while, I just let myself think how it will feel if Alex asks me to the ceremony.

Goodness, just the thought of it makes heat rush to my face. I think I am starting to read into things a little too much, maybe he’s just being nice to me and so on.

The dining hall is much quieter today; a few students are in their uniforms, while some are wearing hoodies, holding textbooks and trays of food. Anna, Nixie and I order our food, we order the same thing: just the herb roasted chicken and mugs of chamomile tea. We sit on the four available seats and place our tray on the table.

I am busy with my phone, texting Ale but it’s on delivered. I guess he’s really busy.

“Shit, Elva. Alex is coming our way, look cool before he thinks we are boring.” Anna whispers over to me and I look up with my heart pounding. Truly, Alex is coming over to us, dressed in his midnight blue button up shirt. How does one look so good in a school uniform?

“Hey, ladies.” He says effortlessly, removing his backpack and placing it at the edge of the seat. His eyes stay longer on me for a while. “You left without telling me.”

Anna and Nixie exchange a look and I roll my eyes at them, “You were sleeping.” I say, shrugging.

“I was worried.” He says, still looking at me. And for a moment, I want to believe that this is all normal, that Alex and I are a thing and it’s quite normal sneaking in and out of his room but I know deep down that is impossible for us to be a thing.

There are the popular girls like that girl that caught me kissing Alex and then there’s people like me that spend most of my day in the library, doesn’t quite add up if we look at it from my point of view.

“I’m sorry.” I say, looking down at my food. Alex stares at me strangely, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. I eat in silence, my mind running through different thoughts. Alex, Nixie and Anna are all engrossed about some movie that I haven’t even seen.

That’s the point. He blends into every single conversation, charms everyone and is every girl’s heartthrob. I can think of a million scenarios in which we can’t work out.

Deep down, do I want us to work out? Maybe I do and maybe I don’t.

When I am done eating, we all saunter to class, not sparing Alex a single glance. As the teacher explains the democratic war that happened hundreds of years ago, I am still focusing on Alex, watching him scribble something on his sketchbook and I wonder what he is drawing right now.

I breathe in hardly, what’s wrong with me these days? When the teacher leaves, the class explodes with lots of chattering, guys asking girls to the ball that is literally months away.

Nadine is sitting on Alex’s table, giggling, her perfectly manicured hand brushing his arm, I stare, my stomach twisting in such a weird way.

I hate myself for noticing how Alex doesn’t pull away. Hate the way he smiles at her, even though it looks forced, hate the fact that Nadine looks like someone people write songs about and I- I am just Elva.

Not the type of girl that boys burn the world for and absolutely not the girl that Alex will ask to the ball.

“You guys should definitely go to the ball together. I’m even sure you guys will be voted as the queen and king that day. Nadine and Alex, I can imagine the perfect caption.” Someone says from the backseat and Nixie looks at me worriedly.

I can’t be here, giving her an ‘I’ll be okay’ look. I pick my backpack and sling it across my back, heading for the library. Books understand me more than people anyways.

I am the only one here, everywhere is eerily quiet. I go over to the dusty classics that never made it to the reading list. Picking a book, I sit down and begin to read.

Until-

“Elva.”

I freeze.

I have come to like that deep voice and the way he says my name.

“Weren’t you talking with Nadine?” Right now, I am aware that I sound like a really bitter person but oh well...

Alex takes a seat, looking around the lonely library. He must think this is depressing or something. “Nadine isn’t you.”

I bite the inside of my cheeks, feeling the heat creeping up my face. “People think you should be with her.”

Alex looks at me strangely, but then he smiles slowly. “Are you jealous?”

I snap the book shut with so much force. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I want to know.”

I can’t hold it anymore, the emotions I have been bottling up breaks free. 

“So what if I am jealous?” I burst out, standing. “So what if seeing her touch you felt like someone punched me in the stomach? I know I don’t look like her. I know I am not her. I am not the kind of girl guys choose, especially guys like you.” I hate the way my voice cracks, I hate how fucking vulnerable I sound right now. Alejandro has always talked about my feelings, I don’t let it out much often, but when I do, it goes wild like a tsunami.

Alex just looks at me for a while and I sit down, staring at my closed book. Why did I say all of that out loud? This is why I prefer living in my head.

“Elva.” Alex says my name slowly. “I don’t care about any of them. I care about you and you know that.”

I blush harder this time. Fuck it.

“You’re saying all this like we are a thing.” I say.

“Do you want us to be a thing?” Alex asks, eyes searching mine for an answer.

I don’t answer, because everything is so confusing right now, these mixed feelings and everything. I am not used to all of this. I usually have everything in my life in perfect order, it’s so hard to deal with these spontaneous feelings.

Then it hits me so hard. “Shit, the project is due tomorrow.”

Alex nods calmly, “Okay, we still haven’t agreed on what to present though.”

“Your drawings.” It seems like the perfect idea; his drawings are beautiful and well, original. “You can draw something that captures you, the part of you that no one sees.” Even me, I want to add, but I decide not to. I look at him, watching him watch me.

“What’re you going to do?” Alex asks gently, I stare at the closed book.

“I will write a poem.” I say confidently, Iris has always said reading constantly has made out the writer in me. And to be honest, my stash of poems are somewhere in a box, only Ale has read my poems before and now, just thinking that everyone in class including Professor Callista will hear my poem makes me jittered.

“That’s what you are going to present?” Alex asks, as though he’s finding it very hard to believe. I nod my head, grabbing his phone from the table. I input Linda Foyer’s number there. Like Alex, she is an artist and I am hoping that maybe he should give her a call.

“That is Linda Foyer’s phone number, she is the Luna of Lunar crest pack, she has always been painting since when she was young. Maybe, you should give her a call.” I suggest, watching as he stares at the screen.

He stands, “Alright, I guess we should start working on our project now.” He chuckles, but everything is humourless right now. We both nod at each other and suddenly, the air shifts from comfortable to awkward in minutes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in class.” Alex says gruffly, before turning on his heel and leaving the room. I sigh, picking a pen and a notebook from my bag. But firstly, I ring up Irene.

“Hey, darling!” she picks up at the first ring, the background is noisy and it feels like I am invading or something, my stomach twists. “So sorry I haven’t rang you up, I have been so busy these days with Gia’s wedding and the rest.”

Oh right, Gia’s wedding. Though, it is really sad that we can’t attend Gia’s wedding, it takes a month before the school even approves your leave and Gia’s wedding is in a week from now.

“How’s the new school? Ale told me that you have been fitting in well.” Of course, I trust my brother to tattle about me to my family.

“Yes, it’s been well.” I ignore the tightness in my throat and just move straight to the point. “How does it feel like being in love? Like when was the exact moment that you just knew?”

“Oh.” Irene sighs, clearly not expecting that question. “It’s not about knowing, it is just when you are safe whenever the other person is around. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else; you can unapologetically be yourself, that’s when you know.”

I think back to Alex, he makes me feel safe and anytime I see him, I either want to kiss him or hug him. Am I falling for him or this is just a crush that will soon fade away?

“Alright, thanks Irene.” I say perkily.

“Anytime, sis!” Irene responds, before ending the call. I breathe in and out.

Time to get to writing.

\--

Alex:

“Hello?” I say the moment the call connects, I have a bit of idea who Linda Foyer is, she makes these amazing pictures that are displayed on her socials and websites. Maybe she can help me understand the painting I am supposed to draw; I take the stairs that lead to the school’s studio.

“Yes?” she replies, her voice smooth. There’s some jarring in the background and I hear a ‘Don’t touch my brushes, Hunter!’ and I have a faint suggestion that it might be her husband, Alpha Hunter Foyer.

“I am Alex Vale, Elva wrote your number down for me.” There’s silence on the other end and I take it as my cue to continue talking. “There’s a project that we are supposed to do, we are supposed to show that side of ourselves that we don’t want to show to others via arts.”

“Really?” Linda sounds impressed. “I like that concept, how’s it working for you?”

This side of the hallway is quiet; I guess no one really comes to the studio to do anything at all. “The problem lies there; I haven’t really started on the project. And, it is due tomorrow.”

“Oh.” She huffs out a breath. “Okay then.” I hear the shuffling of covers, then the padding of feet and the gentle closing of a door, “Alright, I am here for you. Let’s brainstorm together, alright?”

“Alright.” I open the door of the room that read ‘ART STUDIO’. It seems like no one comes in here unless they need to. Sunlight leaks through the window, dropping the bag on a nearby stool; I arrange the brushes and position myself in front of the canvas.

“I’ll be with you the whole time you are painting. Alright?” Linda says and I feel a pang in my chest, the kindness she’s showing me feels unknown to me, it makes me feel weird yet seen. “Now, whenever I want to paint, I just think ‘How does this make a difference to me?’ or ‘What do I want people to see?’ and then I just start painting, now as you paint. I want you to imagine that side of you that you don’t let people see, pick up the brush and paint your struggles away."

I do as told, rolling my sleeves up my elbow. I dip the brush into the dark crimson paint and start flying it across the canvas. My imagination takes place and I am just drawing whatever comes to mind. 

I can hear Linda’s steady breathing from the other end. The fact that she is here with me makes me feel safe.

Two hours later, I am done with the painting. I don’t need to look at the mirror to know it reflects everything about me.

“Did you get it right?” Linda asks, and I swear, it’s like I can feel her smiling from the other end.

“Yes,” I say with a confident smile, looking at the painting I just made. “I got it right.”