Rest & Recovery

The research took hours and by the time Dark and Tantalus had put all the volumes back, their heads throbbed from the number of visions they’d endured. Hellish, awful visions of wild, monstrous creatures. So much fear and disgust had passed between them that the air reeked of it. Dark was pretty sure she might throw up her guts right there if she had to open another volume. Her stomach rolled in agreement.

The discomfort was worth it, she told herself, for the war effort, for the best chance at destroying Asteria. Tantalus gripped her arm, steadying her from a sway she hadn’t realized she was falling into. With how dazed her mind was, falling would have hurt, so she clutched him back in thanks. A small peace between them, though she was sure it wouldn’t last for long. They’d been at each other’s throats for hours.

As always, his touch stirred something darker in her. Something warmer. Lust was safe. So she let herself feel that. They’d only fucked once and he’d *shared* her with Hades. But the searing touch on her arm, told her everything Angel must have felt one-on-one. Tantalus could undo her, completely. Had undone Angel already. He’d aided in the mental shattering that Asteria started. Dark wasn’t foolish enough to think herself unbreakable in his hands. Still, her body reacted. Still, she thought of the things they could do.

His grip was soft, his hand sweat-slicked and warm as hellfire. Tali’s dress shirt had soaked through at the collar which lay blissfully open to his sternum, and even though he’d taken to rolling the sleeves, sweat pooled where they cuffed at his elbow. Still-damp streaks remained on his forearms, glistening against his lean muscles. Maybe it was the natural heat of the top floor in the hall of records or the fact that this close, their scents mixed into a delicious blend, but Dark wanted to bring him to his knees right there—wondered how well his tongue could move.

He cast her a strained smile as if he didn’t know where her mind had gone and she shook the thought of his tongue away. As fucked up as they were, at least they had compiled a decent list of possible monsters to use. It was better than nothing. Though, admittedly, the list of monsters they wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole was longer—monsters they likely could never tame. Still, progress was progress. Dark found herself leaning toward Tali again.

Some tension still remained from his earlier antics but Dark tried to push that embarrassment away. Why had she admitted feeling anything? It was stupid. And something Tantalus would never have done. Weak. How many times had she thought that of herself? There was definitely something to be said for how much of an emotional rollercoaster Angel’s life was.

Dark sighed, straightening to her full height. She was pretty sure her own clothes were soaked through as well and dammit if she didn’t need to wash the day away. The hall of records distorted time but it felt as if they’d spent at least half a day in the stacks already. Pearl hadn’t exaggerated when she said the volumes were dangerous. If they hadn’t been using a buddy system, Dark could imagine herself trapped in fear for a very long time. And with how little anyone ventured to this top floor, there was no telling how long she would have been trapped there.

“Come on, we’ll crash here for now,” Dark mumbled, dragging herself to the elevator. “If I don’t get some food and a hot bath, my head might crack open and I don’t think you want to clean my brain up from the floor.”

“Where exactly do you intend to crash? I don’t think Apollo has guest rooms,” Tantalus tried miserably to keep the pain from his voice as he walked. His muscles had to be as tired and aching as her own. Yet he still offered his arms to steady her. “And I’m more than positive none of the oracles would lend me a sip of blood if I were dying let alone a decent bedroom to rest.”

“Dona has rooms. I’ve stayed in one before so at the very least you can room with me.” She pressed a heavy finger to the open button, perspiration slicking off the metal. “Unless of course, you’d rather go home to hell alone? I’m sure Hades would welcome the company. Don’t let me get in the way of your broody male time...”

His grim expression was answer enough but he said anyway, “Lead the way.”

“If you’ve fallen out with Dona, now would be the time to tell me. I need to figure out how much bullshit to spin.” Dark huffed, an irritated smile tugging her lips as they crowded into the small space.

“Never even spoken to her,” he gave her a pointed look—well as pointed as he could muster half alive and exhausted—and let his hand trail down to her hand, gripping it.

Once she’d pressed the proper floor, Dark leaned against the wall, leveling her gaze at him. She didn’t remove her hand from his. “So what’s the deal with you and Apollo?”

Tali’s chest tensed but she pressed on anyway, “Or if you don’t want to tell me that, what’s the deal with you and his oracles at least?”

He rubbed along his neck. “You hate me enough as it is, let’s not add fuel to the fire.”

Dark huffed a small laugh, choosing not to mention the truth of her emotions. She’d done enough of that as it was. She might not have had much experience with love but she knew enough of hate. Enough to know that people didn’t hold hands with those they hated. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll only assume the worst anyway. And whatever you say couldn’t be worse than my imagination. I promise I can be quite dramatic.”

Tali fell silent for a while, noiseless except his heavy breathing and the sweep of the elevator down the frame. His swirling eyes darkened—his hair curling at the ends in a ruffled mess. The loose strands fell across one eye reminding her of the god she saw in Angel’s memories. The one who read Shakespeare to a pre-teen and helped her do her homework, even as he bitched about it the entire time. Impossibly young and ancient at the same time. Broken inside as all lonely men were.

“As a rule, I don’t feel shame. At least not generally.” His voice was a gentle rumble in the quiet of the elevator car and the words were said with conviction. Said with a pause that told Dark he likely felt shame where she was concerned. “I say that to say, I have never concerned myself with whether or not any of them have forgiven me. It doesn’t matter.”

Them meaning the oracles, she assumed.

He swallowed a lump, “A long time ago, Apollo offended Asteria in some way—hell if I remember how because it was so close to the early days—but I do remember thinking it was insignificant. Though the fates have never been known for allowing any disrespect to stand. In retaliation, she asked me to lure away some of his oracles. She didn’t tell me why and I never asked. It wasn’t my job to ask and I have never found her to be particularly forthcoming anyway.”

Dark thought back to the glimpse of Tali signing Asteria’s contract. He hadn’t known much at all and what he had asked, she had avoided. So no, she decided, it hadn’t really mattered if he asked or not. She was sure some would hold that against him, swear he knew what he was doing when he was following orders. That would make him just as guilty. Guilt was a tricky thing. Blame... judgment... even trickier.

In all honesty, he would probably have still done it even if he had known. That’s just who he was and she accepted it—understood it. Callous, cold, cruel until the end. He didn’t care for anything except Angel. Much of her was like that too, though, too many in this world kept trying to see Angel’s gentleness in her. A gentleness that was ill-suited for war. She understood his icy exterior and the fact that Tali treated everyone terribly, even himself.

He raked his hands through the long strands on top to push them out of his eyes. “It was a slow job, something that took months of dedication because the oracles don’t leave often. And they’re not very trusting as a general rule. So I had to wait for them to come near enough to tempt. Eventually, I tempted enough of them away to satisfy Asteria. And when Apollo finally came to ask after his oracles, Asteria executed them in front of him.”

Dark’s eyes dilated. Why would she kill her own people? As if he read the question in her eyes, Tantalus sucked his teeth, “She did it because she could. Sure, it was a simple power play with Apollo but never doubt how ruthless she can be. She skews towards brutality and violence with little regard for matching punishment and crime. Trust me. And it reinforced how powerful it was to have me on her leash. I don’t think anyone could blame him for hating me. I helped kill his children. And the other oracles feel the same. I helped kill their sisters.”

He shrugged tiredly and it held all the weight of someone awaiting judgment. But it wouldn’t come from Dark because she too found herself not giving a shit about most things when she first arrived in Angel’s life. Hades and Tantalus were different... and even Angel’s friends somehow tugged on those invisible strings of her caring... she’d even developed a soft spot for the Titans...

The elevator dinged just as Tantalus was about to say something more and Dark took his head tilt to mean the conversation was over for now. She stumbled free of the cabin into the dimly lit false room she’d seen Angel enter before.

“Doesn’t seem like she lives here anymore Dark,” Tantalus called out from inside the elevator.

“Shhh,” Dark snapped, calling for Dona or Aura. On the second call, the small child-like apparition appeared, melting the false illusion around them to reveal the multi-colored sitting-room once more. She heard his soft curse at her back, followed by his clumsy steps as she went to the couches. She knew what to expect and still, she found all her thoughts ebbing from her mind. She watched Tantalus relax as well, losing all his normal tightness around the eyes.

“Back so soon Angel?” Aura asked, placing two cups of tea down on the table. Dark snatched hers up, chugging the slightly bitter, herbally taste. She handed the other to Tantalus who didn’t even smell it before he began to gulp. She shook her already-clearing head, watching a god practically made of reservations, look so open. Dona could certainly cast a hell of a spell.

By the second gulp of tea, his eyes had refocused and he wore a scowl heavy enough to scare most gods.

“It’s been months Aura,” Dark huffed, turning her attention back to Dona’s attendant. “And I’m not Angel. It’s a long story but you can call me Dark.”

Aura gave her a hesitant once over, “Most people don’t ever come back. What’s a few months to forever? Especially after Dona gave you your memories back and you... lost it. I figured you’d never step foot in this place again. But what do I know? You clearly enjoy pain...” She cut her eyes over to Tantalus who had gone still. He might not even have been breathing with his hand frozen mid-sip. Her eyes told Dark exactly what she meant by *you enjoy pain*. And maybe that was true. But that wasn’t Aura’s business.

“I assume you’ll be needing a room, Dark?” Aura didn’t wait for confirmation, motioning for both of them to follow her when their teacups were empty. Tali had already regained his hard, distrustful edge. “Apollo told Dona you were coming to research Tartarus and they assumed you’d be drained afterward.” Aura turned on a dime and headed off toward the hallway of rooms, “Dona’s not here at the moment, but she’ll be back by the time you wake.”

“Thanks, I’d like to see if she knows of anything omitted from the records.” Aura hummed an approval.

“You’re fine with sharing right?” Aura called over her shoulder after a moment, almost like an afterthought.

“It’s fine,” Dark answered, beyond ready to take a bath and sleep like the dead.

“Dinner for two? Blood?” Aura clarified and Dark agreed. Soon enough, they were deposited in the same room Angel had stayed in and Dark sighed as soon as Tantalus closed the door behind them.

“Why don’t you hate me,” came his roughened voice from the door. Distracted by the thought of a bath and the million things she still had to do, Dark didn’t hear it. She went to the nearby table and plopped ungracefully into the chair. Her mind couldn’t stop moving ahead to the next step. They still had to sit down and itemize what they’d found. Then speak with Dona and dig for more information. Then, of course, they’d have to talk to Hades and cross-reference what he knew. Then they’d actually have to journey inside Tartarus itself if the next step of her plan was actually going to work... not to mention she’d finally have to tell Hades and the other gods she trusted that Athena was a traitor... that probably wasn’t going to go over well... 

The whole train of thoughts made her headache worse. What had she been about to do? Dark’s eyes suddenly re-focused on Tantalus.

*Shit,* Tali had asked her a question. Dark turned to face him and from his intense stare, she knew he had no intention of dropping it until she answered him. Every inch of him seemed to weigh an impossible amount, dragging down his shoulders in a defeated stance. Any minute he would collapse to his knees. As if he recognized that same thing, he straightened, pushing his exhaustion away. She wasn’t sure how much of his state came from the constant mention of Angel’s unraveling... and the guilt he likely felt for that... or from the mind-numbing research they’d done. In truth, she already knew the answer, catching every strain look, every sharp inhale when Angel’s breaking was mentioned.

“What was the question?” she palmed some sweaty hair out of her face.

“Why don’t you… hate me?”

Dark made a rough sound in her throat. Of course he was still fixated on feelings. For all the good it did. “Hate is a simple emotion and nothing about what Angel felt is simple.” She shook her head, crossing her arms.

“Explain,” he rasped, furrowing his brow as if he didn’t know why he needed to know.

The knock at the door saved them both. Tali took the tray of food and blood from a gruff-looking Aura and kicked the door closed. Rounding the table to lay out the food, Tali opened and closed his mouth a few times but in the end, stayed silent.

Dark eyed the plate of baked chicken and vegetables with mild interest, turning instead to the empty goblet and full decanter of blood. Pouring herself a glass, she said, “I don’t want to talk about our emotions.”

“Neither do I.” Tali slid into his seat and bit into a piece of asparagus.

“Then why the hell do you keep bringing it up?”

“Because this is all… Because someone needs to…”

Dark scoffed, “I’m sure somewhere in there, was the point, but I seemed to have missed it.”

Tali cut his eyes, “Because, Dark, we’re fucking. And working together… I guess. And the fucking baggage is a problem for me. The unanswered question. Hate me or not, I need to know where we stand.”

Finishing her glass, Dark poured another, “The whole ‘fucking me’ thing wasn’t clear enough?”

“NO!”

“Why not, exactly…?”

Hacking into his chicken, Tali’s jaw was hard as stone, “Because you should hate me and I can’t understand why you don’t. *If* you don’t. None of it makes sense. Look. I’m not some lovesick puppy, Dark, despite how you’re trying to make me sound. HOWEVER, hearing three different people reference your—sorry *Angel’s*—breakdown, I find myself back in that room a year ago… trying to understand how…”

“What do you want me to tell you? That remembering what you did, shattered her to pieces? That she needed drugs and Thia’s help to get through the involution? That when she fell into a coma she asked me to take her place because she couldn’t stomach coming back?”

Forcing herself to scarf down the entire plate of food, Dark chased the bland flavor with blood and stood, heading for the bathroom. “I said I don’t want to have this conversation.

“Well, we’re fucking having it now. Like it or not,” Tali yelled from the other room. She fought the urge to give him the finger. She grumbled to herself about sensitive gods, turning the handle for bathwater before sprinkling some salts into the hot stream. The smell of lavender immediately relaxed her shoulders.

“Keep talking,” Tali snapped, suddenly behind her though she hadn’t heard him move from the main door. “I’m not above shutting you up.

Dark peeled off her sweaty shirt and started to drag off her boots as she continued, “Promises, promises. Careful or you might whine me to death...”

The sound of his breathing stopped as he moved away. She tugged off her socks and pulled down her pants until she was in only underwear. The steam from the tub began to curl upward as she balanced on the ledge.

“I would rather bathe my wounds in salt… than have this conversation. I’m tired and cranky and so fucking over you for one day, I might scream.” 

“Oh by all means, don’t hold back on my account… Tell me how you really feel.”

“As I said, not a fucking fan. But I’ll say this last piece and drop it. Of course, her feelings weren’t all your fault which is why I say it’s complicated. Angel had to come to terms with the fact that she’d murdered her parents. She had to remember a hundred years in hell. Had to see your betrayal as sharply as the first time it happened.” She fought to keep her voice neutral even as she could feel Angel’s emotional upheaval bleeding through.

“And Hades had officially married Persephone—who happened to be a raging bitch. And Calypso was Persephone’s little lap dog… and yours. She needed to confront Asteria and Eos. She had to claim her power which was painful. I mean her fucking mind was toast. It didn’t stand a chance. Probably would have still shattered even if she hadn’t been betrayed by you. So really... I just don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what you’re looking for in asking me... except pain and I think of half a dozen ways to hurt you without having this talk. And that’s just off the top of my head. Give me a few minutes and I could get really creative...” To hell with the consequences of embarrassing herself, if Tali was going to force this, she’d be sure he never wanted to talk again.

Dark stripped from the rest of her clothes and lowered herself into the hot tub, spinning her body around so they faced each other even as he remained silent. She rested her head along the lip, letting all her stress melt away into the bath.

“You should get in. At the very least it will improve your mood for this kind of conversation.”

Tantalus didn’t reply, but he began to unbutton his shirt.