Chapter 50 — Sometimes Our Hearts Get the Best of Us

“Gods, how did I ever think I was the one destroying you?” Tantalus huffed a tight laugh, “It’s been you destroying me all along.”

“I’ll stop if you command it,” she mused, eyes lighting with mischief as their powers pushed against each other. She grinned, creeping down his stomach, planting kisses, letting her breasts graze against him as the underside of her tongue trailed a path. Stroking over his pelvis with her fingers, Dark did all she could to push him to the edge of his sanity. One glance up at him, and the fangs peeking over his glistening lip, told her she’d done exactly that.

Tali’s muscles tensed the lower she got—their eyes holding each other just before she sucked him into her mouth. He fisted the sheets as she flattened her tongue against him, pulling him in deeply. She released, swirled the tip, and sucked him in again, closing her throat around him with each thrust.

He wanted to tell her to stop. That he wouldn’t make it if she kept going. That he would lose himself down her throat. But he couldn’t find the words—couldn’t think beyond the pounding pulse in his ears, beyond the overwhelming force of both their emotions. Even his power seemed to just soak into hers, neither able to overwhelm the other. The playing field was completely even. If he was hoping to convey how close he was in his body language, Dark seemed to ignore it, pressing his hips flat against the bed so she could move faster over him, move him deeper into the impossible suction. Gods, the speed. The feel of her throat constricting against his tip. The hum of her hungry noises. He had to look away from her face, had to imagine ridiculous, monotonous things to keep himself above water.

He began listing the ingredients in a Commonwealth to keep his pleasure just out of reach…Devil’s claw, bitter leaf, taro, chives—holy fuck, her hot palm against the base, stoking in tune with her mouth—rosehip, cacao, wild raspberries, cassava—the twisting of her tongue on the underside of him sent chills up his spine—prickly pear, utazi leaves, papaya, citronella.

Tali could feel her gaze hot on his face. He clenched his eyes shut…cashew nuts, rooibos, sycamore figs, cloves, eggplant—molten fire shot from his balls to his tip. He was so fucking close he could taste it, his throat thickening with saliva—sorrel, coffee beans, dragon fruit. She stroked his balls, clutched them firmly until he dug his heels into the bed. The list of ingredients disappeared, lost forever in the swell of his pleasure.

Then something happened, their temptations seemed to mix and sink into one another. Not only could he feel how she felt now, but he could glimpse past feelings. The joy of her childhood with her parents. The confusion and shame of her adolescence. The mind-numbing agony of his betrayal. That emotion mixed with a sharp, wild love for him and nearly took his breath away. Her life of emotions washed over him like a wave, painting her completely. For a moment, she was whole in his eyes. Angel and Dark. Beginning and end.

He didn’t have time to feel impressed, too busy wondering how she could still manage to feel that way about him despite everything. But she did. He could feel the love—old and new—sharpening as their eyes met…as she looked at him and saw him. Fully. Though she didn’t stop working him over, the glassy look in her eyes told him she felt him too. That he had unconsciously done the same with his emotions.

So much for having the talk. So much for keeping his heart whole while he figured out where they stood. No. They were baring their souls…their power ripping down every single barrier between them. Flesh. Bone. Air. Emotional baggage. All of it, now meaningless in the face of experiencing her completely.

Gods, he hoped she didn’t feel the years of shame and pain, of darkness and misery. Of utter isolation and loneliness. He wanted her to feel the small joy of her in his life—the bright spot that grew into a blinding light. The only true north in his existence. His deep, wrong love for her. So wrong and yet ever-present, relentless.

The sound he made as he came was unintelligible. The pressure burst so suddenly, so fully, he couldn’t breathe. Then he was riding the wave of euphoria down, only it wasn’t his own. It was Dark’s—that sweet tang to the emotion that could only be hers. He risked a glance down to see her wet fingers trailing back up from her core. Releasing him from her mouth, she started to ask, “Am I feeling you—"

He snatched her up before she could finish, “I love you,” he pulled her into a deep kiss, their bodies damp as she stretched over him. She didn’t say it back. But he felt it as real as his own. Dark would never say it, but it didn’t matter. He could taste the words on her lips.

Instead, she mumbled, “Then fuck me like you do.”

“I can never deny you anything,” he promised, already positioning her hips.

Dark had barely registered his words before she felt him—inch by tight inch—as he pressed them together. Holding her hips in place, he helped her spread for him. The force of his upstroke arched her back. She held her breath, the whole of her existence focused on the sweet stretching of her body to accommodate him. Every time might as well have been the first.

For a second, she felt that first time all over again, only it was his recollection. His conflicting swell of pain and pleasure. Of shame and joy. Of peace and desolation. She could hardly accept the flurry of emotions she had moving around in her head. What was hers and what was his? None of it was pretty. Even the love was tarnished. Tainted. Shameful. On both sides. But those things never bothered her. She didn’t want perfection or pretty. She wanted raw and stained, scarred. Honest. Angel would appreciate the other stuff, Dark just wanted the real, even if it was ugly.

Tali pushed in another inch and held still for a breath, blowing it out harshly against her mouth like it was taking everything in him to stay together. Dark took over and forced him the rest of the way home. She’d imagined how it would feel to have him look at her like he did Angel. And yet, it was more than she’d imagined. The wobbling in her chest so severe her eyes prickled. She ignored it, choosing instead to lose herself in the rising and sinking where they joined.

Out and in. Slicking up to the tip and plunging back down. The steady, slow rhythm felt so natural, yet strange, because of who it was. Gentleness never seemed like something Tali had in spades. He seemed like a god who would use her for his pleasure as she would use him. That was simple. Easy. Not the complicated way emotions were making a mess of her, making the moment so full it hurt. She blinked away the emotion, closing her eyes tightly to his face, to his reverent, blissful expression.

Tali’s palm pressed her waist harder, angling her deeper as he took her lips gently. Slowly. “Open your eyes,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. Dark shook her head, unable to speak. Unable to do much more than grip the bed beside his head and roll her hips. She could do sex. But emotions…she was already so full of them it felt like dying.

“Look at me, Dark,” he whispered again, his voice so damned gentle despite being hoarse, and her body shivered. She was so close to the edge. She opened to see his face pinched hard, his expression torn between pain and pleasure, matching her own, each trying to hold off the inevitable crescendo building between them.

“It’ll never be enough,” he panted, wetness gathering along his bottom lashes, “But I’m truly sorry all the same, love. I—"

Dark gasped, collapsed into him as she nuzzled his neck. The edge found her, shattered her until she felt boneless, clenching around him, centering herself on him. She couldn’t stop rocking herself through the orgasm. His length, the thick veins, the way it grew firmer, longer as he neared his own release. Gods, she would die happily atop him.

His deep, ragged groan was the only warning before she felt the heat of him filling her. His thrusts turned wild and sloppy. His teeth pierced her neck without warning, pulling her deeper into the undertow. Another, softer orgasm rippled through her. Heat and pleasure and the tingling drag of her blood reversing through her veins. She couldn’t breathe properly, couldn’t understand why her chest felt crushed, why her eyes were wet. Tantalus pulled away, licking the wound with the silky tip of his tongue. Then he turned her head until they were staring at each other, lost, sweaty.

“—love you.” he finished his statement, “Then. Now. Always.”

And though it went against everything, she was…Everything she wanted to be…though she didn’t know if they were her own feelings or Angel’s…whether they were even from her or Tantalus…Dark still let the tears sting and slip down. Let him see and feel all the raw, ugly truth of her messy mind. Her messy heart.

Then, as if he knew just how overwhelming the moment was, just how badly she wanted to distract herself from her own weakness, Tali rolled her, pressing her back into the sheets hard. He kneeled, still hard and dripping, as he nudged her thighs apart. Sliding his hand up her belly, he pressed into her once more. Eyes pitch black and hungry, Tali slid that hand around her throat and squeezed. A physical promise of the fucking she’d asked for. A promise of what he would do to her. For her.

*****

What must have been hours later, Dark felt cool skin at her back. Still delirious and exhausted, she leaned into it. Her body, still too hot and a little sore from Tali, welcomed the cool touch. Lying naked on her side, she nuzzled Tali’s neck, her arm still draped over his chest in an embarrassingly intimate touch. Dark didn’t have the energy to give a damn. It felt nice, so what? He rolled over, his body flopping ungracefully onto his stomach, and in the dim glow of the room, she could make out his glorious ass. Bleary eyed, her hand moved toward it when a sudden realization hit her.

Tali was in front of her. Plain as day. Yet someone’s cool skin pressed behind her—a familiar firmness nestling against her bare bottom. Charred fireplace, ice melting—a scent like no other, inviting and cool with a lick of forgotten heat, something almost warm but not quite.

“You promised not to get jealous,” she breathed, sighing into Hades, all the tension in her body evaporating like smoke.

“Softly, sweetheart, or he’ll wake,” Hades kissed the shell of her ear, his cool hand gliding over her hip. “I promised not to be jealous. I didn’t say seeing you like this wouldn’t make me needy. You didn’t even say goodbye this morning.”

Her breathing turned ragged as he stroked her hip, her thigh, slipping his thick fingers between her legs. “Unless you meant to apologize in another way? I’m all ears…”

“How did you even get in here?” she managed to ask, her body slick and flushed. Any lingering soreness vanished at the wet feel of his mouth on her skin.

His tongue found her shoulder, his other arm wrapping around her waist from underneath, “You think the king of hell needs an invitation during wartimes?” His laugh was barely there, though it raised the hairs on her neck, anyway. Or perhaps it was the gentle swirls his thumb drew on her inner thigh. Or maybe it was the palm that cupped her breast, stroking the nipple, pinching it.

“Apollo sent me to check on you two. Said, and I quote, ‘make sure they don’t fuck up my house.’ And selfishly, I missed you.”

“Do you normally show up in someone’s room naked?” she teased, shivering under his touch.

“No, but I always make such delicious exceptions for you.” Dark could hear his teeth punch down over his lip, the sound erotic and wet.

“And how did you know I would welcome the exception, your highness?” Dark reached back to grip his lower back, to roam down to his bare cheek.

“Your nakedness is an invitation I can never refuse.”

Hades teased her nipple again, eliciting a small moan, “And I have honorable reasons as well…for instance, there are councils to attend.” He licked her earlobe, “Hellraiser matters to decide.” Hades’ index finger brushed her clit, slipping between her folds. “Personal affairs to attend to.” His finger pressed her clit in emphasis, telling her exactly what sorts of personal affairs he was referring to. She gripped his wrist, arching into him.

He circled her heat. “I wouldn’t want you to miss anything, my dark kiss little kiss dove…” He rolled his tongue along her throat. Dark hissed as he leaned forward, taking those busy fingers from her core to his mouth. Tantalus moved, shifted slightly in his sleep as Hades pulled her leg up just enough for his length to settle there.

Still-wet fingers found her empty breast, fondled and kneaded the flesh until her head was thrown back against his shoulder. A strained exhale had Tantalus rolling over, sleep still heavy in his eyes, “What’s wr—?”

He cursed softly, his eyes suddenly clear as he watched Hades work her skin. His fangs descended like lightning. Running his tongue along his lower lip, Tali looked like they hadn’t just spent the entire night tangled up in one another. He looked as if he could go another round. Or two. Or three.

“Must you always interfere?” Tali asked Hades, his voice not nearly as biting as he intended it to be. It whispered carnal, delicious promises over Dark’s skin.

“Threatened?” Hades smiled against her throat, sinking into the vein with a groan.

“I’m more than willing to share,” Tali’s eyes turned feral, ravenous.

“I’m right—fuck me here, guys. No one cares what I want?” Dark could barely think of anything outside of her blood racing through her body.

“Love, we can already see what you want,” Tali whispered, scenting the wetness pooling between her thighs as if it were perfume. She didn’t need to look down to know he was already hard.

Dark’s body was electrified and burning. Such a sweet, torturous heat lit along her veins.

Tali’s eyes roaming over every place Hades touched…the sharp, pleasant pressure of a hard dick at her entrance, nudging. Feeling just the tip, then an inch, and another. Then Hades slammed all the way home as she cried out. All of it felt like laces coming undone. Ribbons of her good sense unravelling in the sheets between them.

Blood slid down her throat, heating her chest, wetting her skin. She clenched her eyes shut, barely keeping herself from falling apart.

A rough curse. Then hands were around her hips, more hands on her breasts. Too many to be one person. Hades released her neck, kissing along her throat as he pulled out and thrust in. Deeper. Faster. Was there any air left in the room? Did anyone care if she would suffocate on sex and blood?

She opened her eyes in time to see Tantalus lapping at the blood trickles on her chest. He pulled a soaked nipple into his mouth, sucking hard enough for his fangs to scrape. The sound of his approval skittered between her legs. The feeling of—fuck, it was his hand. Tali’s fingers found her swollen clit and pressed, rubbed, and squeezed it gently as her world narrowed. His other hand stroked himself hard and fast. Glossing over his tip, then back down to the base. She felt drunk, watching him, wanting him.

Unable to resist, Dark wet her own palm and pushed his hand out of the way. She wanted to feel him, every thick inch. She wanted to bring him with her over the edge. Tali’s mouth found hers, his tongue refusing to wait for entry before he took it. Her mouth ravaged by his tongue, her clit aching beneath his fingers. Hades angled her back enough to fit deeper, sink lower. The sound of her skin meeting his hips made her head spin.

Hades grabbed her throat, stretching her back for Tantalus to break the kiss and lick the rest of her clean. Dark’s core tightened. Spasmed. She couldn’t stop the blinding earthquake of her orgasm. Her body became unbearably tight, a vice around Hades as he pushed and pulled with reckless moves. Lost to his own bliss. His grip on her hip and neck was bruising, consuming, mindless. Sounds more animal than god escaped his throat as he took his pleasure with her. Over the edge they went together, hard. Absolute. Her desperate whimpers met Hades’ deep bellows, warring against whose orgasm would settle first.

Then the heat of Tali’s orgasm hit her stomach, leaking lower. The taste of it on her fingers as she brought them to her tongue. Every sensation, every movement, every impossible second of being pleasured by her gods, sent Dark beyond herself—pushed her into the farthest recesses of her mind as the world around her faded away. Then disappeared altogether.

*****

Dark woke to a shove. “Wake the hell up and get back out there!” Dark scrambled up to her feet, blinking herself aware. Angel? She stared at a softer, long-haired version of herself. It was disorienting. Damn, so this is what it feels like from the other side?

“Freaky…”

“What?” Angel quirked a brow.

“I was just—"

“Yea, I know, fucking the shit out of my boyfriends? Can you please get back out there and do it again? I’m super bored and horny. Don’t know how you survived here.”

Dark cackled, “It’s certainly an acquired skill. Wait—boyfriends? Does that mean you're back on team Tantalus?"

Angel grimaced. “Duh. I don’t know if I missed you…especially with all the snarky shit you’ve been thinking about me—but welcome home, I guess.” Angel cut a glare that was probably supposed to be scary, but on her sweet face, Dark almost laughed.

“I see you’re doing better.” Dark reached out to hug her, their incorporeal bodies cool, and clammy against one another. Dark was happy she always had clothes on in her mental space because that could have gotten awkward, fast.

“I have never been fucked into a coma…so…good on you.” Angel turned, heading back into the kitchen. Dark looked around to see a mug and a pot of tea.

“Chamomile?”

Angel nodded, pulling out a spoon, “Want some?”

“Not if you want me to ‘get back out there and do some more kinky shit’” Dark smirked, taking a seat on the other side of the island. “I think they’d prefer I wasn’t sleepy…Parents?”

“Upstairs, I think. I don’t always see them around anymore,” Angel shrugged. Despite the hint of sadness in her voice, Dark noted her clear eyes, her straight shoulders. If she wasn’t seeing them as much, it meant she didn’t need to. Or want to.

“You really are doing better, then?” Dark fiddled with the sugar holder.

“I like to think so,” Angel smiled softly, “Had enough of my life yet?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely! Although I don’t mind the orgasms.”

“Oh, I can tell.”

“So…”

“So…”

“So…what now?” Dark asked, surprised by how hesitant she was to hear Angel say she wanted to return. Even as miserable as the emotions were, the living part of being alive was wonderful. Vastly different from the boredom of being here.

Angel sighed, looking at her mug like the tea would hold the answers.

Finally, she said, “I can’t go back on my own.” Dark waited for her to explain, twisting the sugar dish in her hands.

“I want to go back. I think I’m ready to…to face everything…once and for all. But—”

“But you don’t want to go alone?”

Angel looked up sheepishly. “Does that make me a coward?”

“Yea,” Dark laughed, “But I’m a hardass enough for the both of us. Someone’s got to be cautious.”

After a moment, Dark said, “But we can’t occupy the same body at the same time.”

“Yea just like you said we can’t switch places?”

Dark opened her mouth, then closed it. She had a fucking point.

“We’ve never tried before so you can’t say never. And I heard Hades…we’re the same shade. I—I know you’ve been holding us together for a long time and I’m sorry I haven’t been pulling my own weight…but I’m ready now. But I won’t leave you here in my place. We go. And we go together.”

“Like a team?” Dark huffed, smiling at how positive her other half could be.

“Not like a team. Like one person…like what we are.”

“And if it doesn’t work?” Dark looked at the front door. So benign on the outside. Just a door. Not the gateway for her soul or anything crazy…

“If it doesn’t work, then we’ll try something else. I’m not leaving you here again. Deal?” Dark shrugged, hating the way fear creeped in. Angel took a gulp of her tea, reaching her hand out for Dark’s as she rounded the island.

Dark took it, a chill of uncertainty pebbling her skin as they left the kitchen. They walked to the door, hand-in-hand. Hesitantly, Angel turned to look at Dark, “Together?”

“Together.” Dark agreed, and they reached for the handle.