Chapter 94 GLOSSING OVER
GALLAHAN’S POV
I had never once doubted, much less regretted, all my choices and actions when it came to the war that erupted from my path of vengeance against humans. Not even when I met Willa.
I had stood firm back then. I hadn’t even faltered about my stance even after I met her again. Sure, I had put an end to it to have a chance to be together, but I had made sure that my cause remained intact. That the conditions agreed during the parley were still completely aligned with my convictions.
But now…
Staring back at Calisto’s innocent eyes that reflected his pure, untainted soul… It made me uncomfortable. Like my skin was no longer my own. Like my rib cage had shrunken into a size that could no longer house my lungs. Like my heart was alarmingly slowing down while my blood rushed like an angry river in my veins.
It was… odd, and I hated it.
The discomfort even left an acrid taste in my mouth, but it didn’t really hinder me from answering Calisto’s question.
“Because… I was hurt, Cal. A long, long time ago. And didn’t I say that being hurt is not a free pass to be mean? Back then, I didn’t believe that. I believed humans deserved what I had done to them. Even now…” My voice tapered into a beat of silence. Then, in a soft volume, I added, “I still believe it.”
“Did they hurt you so bad?”
“Yes,” I answered. “Very much.”
“What did they do?” Gillian asked, finally lifting her head to look at me.
“Ah…” I chuckled, shifting on my chair and leaning forward to fold and rest my arms on the table. “That’s not something I wish to tell you yet. You are too young. But one day, when you’re older and you still wish to know about what they did to deserve my anger and hatred, I will tell you. Just… Not now.”
“Do you still do it?” Calisto asked.
His voice sounded so hopeful that it almost rang pleading to my ears.
He wanted me to say no.
Fuck.
“Hm?” I hummed out instead, just to buy me a short moment to collect my composure and scattered thoughts.
Because fucking hell, I hadn’t expected to be put on the hot seat today.
“Hurt others, Daddy,” Gillian clarified. “There’s no war anymore, right?”
There was eagerness and naive faith in the way they looked at me as they waited for my answer, and I loathed to disappoint them.
I could always lie, sure… But knowing how Willa’s father and brother disapprove of me, it was certain that they would surely talk shit about me anyway. It was certain they would tell the twins that I still, in fact, tortured and killed humans.
Of course, this time, it was under certain conditions in respect to the treaty. One of those conditions was how these humans had to be creature hunters caught in the act of hunting or torturing any non-human being. If not, then they had to be black market vendors who sold creature parts and artefacts.
Even then, I knew it would be a hard pill to swallow for them to know that I was capable of such violent acts.
Damn it all!
This matter was too complicated to have a pair of five-year-olds understand. Morality wasn’t black and white. There were multiple large gray areas in between, and it was where I fell.
Well, that was what I’d like to believe anyway.
But for Gillian and Calisto, I might as well just be an evil monster in their eyes after this talk.
I still chose to be honest, though.
“About that…” I trailed off, watching closely how their shoulders sagged down in disappointment.
“Oh,” Gillian uttered quietly. “You didn’t change?”
Oh.
If that wasn’t a hard slap to the face, then I didn’t know what was…
Because fucking hell.
That felt like it was, and it stung.
And I briefly wondered if it showed on my face, because I had never thought of putting on a mask in front of my kids.
At this very moment, though, I began to think that maybe I should.
“Doesn’t matter, Gil,” Calisto suddenly decided, making my eyebrows shoot up almost to my hairline.
His declaration was so unexpected and sudden that it almost, almost physically threw me sideways as if the drastic change in opinion was akin to a rapid swerve to another direction.
Beside me, Willa gasped out an airy chuckle of disbelief. Then her hand went to my thigh underneath the table, giving me a gentle squeeze.
It was meant to be reassuring, I knew, but given how her land had landed near my inner thigh and my prick, the gesture ended up being half-arousing too.
My hackles rose as warmth spread throughout my lungs and down to my every fiber.
That one touch meant everything.
It was a quiet declaration that, just like me, Willa wanted our family to be together and to work. That she had held hope—no matter how small that hope was—that everything would turn out okay for our family.
Exhaling slowly, I leaned on the chair’s backrest, took her hand on my thigh, and entwined our fingers together. Then I said, “It doesn’t?”
“No,” Calisto replied, shaking his head. Then he turned to Gillian, seeking validation. “Right, Gil? We’ll just teach Daddy how to like humans.”
“I…” Gillian looked down again, making her uncertainty clear. “I don’t know… I mean… Mommy said…”
I turned inquisitively at Willa, hoping to have a hint of what Gillian was getting at. But she, too, didn’t seem to grasp our daughter’s line of thought.
There was a little crease in between her brows, and her hand in mine tightened its grip. “What is it, love?”
“You said if you love someone, even if they do something bad, it doesn’t always mean you stop caring.”
“Yes. I did say that.”
“You said that if we make mistakes, you will teach us the right thing and help us be better. Then why did you leave Daddy, Mommy?”
Willa’s hand went slack in mine, and she looked as if Gillian had just doused her with a cup of ice cold water.
It made me wonder if Willa had ever regretted—even for a second—running away that night six years ago.
“Was it because what he had done to others was so bad that nothing will make it all better? Or was it… Was it because Daddy doesn’t learn?”