Chapter 61 CONSENT
WILLA’S POV
Hearing the words straight from Gallahan’s mouth had my heart quickly dropping to my feet.
My mouth suddenly tasted like ash, and coherence seemed to have been eviscerated out of my brain, so the best response I was able to stammer out was a mildly panicked, “B-but… But you’ve already agreed to do this.”
Gallahan’s eyes were fixed on me, his gaze appearing to be calculating and careful. After a beat of silence, he said, “I did. I’m not too sure you do, though. You look like you would rather drop dead than complete the bond with me.”
“That’s not it!” I said too quickly, my voice loud and high-pitched.
Gallahan’s brows rose, making him look like he didn’t expect the immediate denial. He crossed his arms across his chest, then casually leaned his back against the closed door.
“Miss Alfiero, you couldn’t even meet my eyes for longer than a second. You’re fidgeting as if you want to dislocate your own fingers. You’re not talking in the same way you usually do, and you also look like you are completely unsure of yourself in your own home.”
I bit my lower lip and immediately dropped my hands, even though I itched to continue pulling and tugging my fingers.
“The person in front of me is not the same woman who I exchanged easy and playful banters with six years ago. She is also not the same fearsome woman who tried to strangle me to death earlier. The person in front of me right now is a woman who is scared.” Gallahan slanted his head to the side and continued with his eyebrow raised daringly, “Tell me what I’m missing here. Because your body language is screaming the fact that you don’t want to do this.”
“It’s…” I paused, letting my tongue poke out and swiftly glide over my lips. “It’s just a lot to take in, alright? To be honest, my head is still reeling. It’s been six years since we first met, Gallahan, and you suddenly showed up, and I was far from ready to face you again. And it’s just… How could we do this when we were just hurling hateful words earlier tonight? Heck! I was even close to killing you too.”
I sighed, giving in to the urge to start tugging at my fingers again, but I also finally dared to meet his gaze head on when I said, “I have been quite difficult and irrational, haven’t I? But for the sake of Calisto and Gillian, I will do my best to be civil with you from now on. So I’ll start by apologizing for what happened tonight. Especially for what happened in the maze. Everything up to this point has been my fault, and-”
Gallahan’s brows were nearly knitted together when he interjected, “Hold on. Stop right there. You are not to carry all the burden of guilt and shame, Willa. I also played a part in how we ended up in this situation. So let’s just…”
He rubbed a hand on his face, the movement harsh and slow. It reeked with the exhaustion, frustration and upset that I was also feeling in the same intensity.
“I am angry, Willa. So angry. You…” He suddenly stopped himself and shook his head before swerving the conversation to a whole different direction. “We don’t have time for this Willa. We don’t have the time to wallow in our regrets and anger, and point fingers at who is at fault. The twins are quickly succumbing to their inner wolf. Before I left the room, Willa, they were already starting to transform.”
Cold.
Coldness flared out from my heart and into my lungs before flooding my veins and bleeding into my bones. I was soaked with the pure and icy coldness of fear, and a loud choked out gasp erupted from me, as if my entire body was being squeezed for all its worth.
But I blinked away the forming tears and puffed out a huge breath, trying to expel the pessimism that was trying to drown me in despair.
“Right. Let’s get on with it then,” I said with all the conviction I could muster, all the while silencing my worries about what completing the bond could mean to my future and my children’s futures.
“Hm,” Gallahan hummed in assent but he made no move to step away from the door. “Let’s just head straight for the bite.”
“Are you crazy?” I exclaimed with a voice that had gone a bit shrilly. “We both know it doesn’t work that way. A bite that is hastily done wouldn’t hold and completely settle the bond. We have to be one in body before the bite, and-”
Ah.
I recoiled and sagged a little as I remembered something, giving way to a realization that was too heavy and too painful to take. It weighed on my heart like a sack of cotton soaked through with my own tears.
I didn’t have the right to feel this way, but knowing so didn’t do anything to banish the feeling away.
Of course, Gallahan must be having his own reservations, hesitations and concerns about what we were about to do. He likely didn’t want the bond to fully take root and settle.
And it is highly likely that it was all because of Miss Banfey. The woman who had been with him even during the war. The woman who could slip her fingers in between his, as if it was the most natural thing she could ever do. The woman who could casually touch his ancestral sash because she was his chosen mate.
Gallahan might have agreed to do this—probably for the sake of our children—but that didn’t mean he was ecstatic about being claimed by me, of all people. Sure, he wanted me to a certain extent since he couldn’t fully deny the yearning and need for his fated mate—as proven by our kiss earlier in the maze—but that didn’t mean his heart actually belonged to me.
Heck, my heart didn’t belong to him either. Or so I would like to believe.
Damn it. This was all too complicated.
Still, a complete bond between us would have a stronger and much better chance in coaxing our children’s inner wolves into submission and in mending the severed parental blood link.
Desperation meant throwing my pride out of the window and trying to stomach anything. Even if it meant I would be the ‘other woman’ in this situation by principle.
The mere thought of it made my intestines twist in self-loathing and shame.
Because how could I do this to another woman?
“Willa?” Gallahan suddenly called, sounding strained.
I must’ve been silent for far longer than I should’ve.
I cleared my throat rather loudly as I mentally steeled my resolve in a matter of a second.
The bond would mean nothing to me anyway. I wouldn’t be Gallahan’s mate in a way that mattered. That was Miss Banfey’s shoes to fill.
Tonight would just be a means to an end.
The bond, the sex, the nesting… They were just necessary actions to save my children. Nothing more.
Besides, there was always the option of breaking our bond when it no longer suited us.
But my line of reasoning did little to assuage the guilt and shame. Still, I managed to double down on the matter.
“No, Gallahan,” I said. My voice oddly sounded a wee bit choked out. “We’re going to do this right. We will complete the bond properly.”