Chapter 67 away, I want to be alone.
This morning the air was quite warm, but not so for Danieru. He felt cold, and he felt devastated. Two days had passed quickly, and Danieru had returned safely to his mansion. However, there was something missing for him now. Camilla wasn't by his side; she no longer accompanied him every day.
The pain began to spread from his brain to his heart, leaving Danieru unable to think and contemplating for the past two days. He kept asking himself about his own feelings for Camilla.
The man sat staring at the large framed photo on the wall, his gaze fixed on Camilla's face, which was there with him. Her wedding dress, with its sheer veil, which she had removed, the diamond-encrusted ring, and her face, lightly applied with makeup, made her even more beautiful.
Danieru touched his chest, closed his eyes, and grimaced softly. It hurt... why was it only now that he realized how much he needed Camilla's presence?
The man truly seemed devoid of any will to live; his father-in-law's words had haunted him over the past two days. He couldn't sleep, his appetite was gone, and even breathing was incredibly difficult.
Danieru stood up, slowly walking toward the wall and reaching out. He touched the glass surface of the picture frame, stroking it gently, enjoying the strange vibrations in his body.
"Camilla..." The man's voice finally reached him.
Images of their time together suddenly flashed through his mind. Camilla's laughter echoed, making the longing in his heart even heavier. If only he had realized this sooner, maybe everything would have been okay.
"Danieru, are you okay?" someone asked.
Danieru looked away and saw Rachel standing in the doorway, holding a lunch box in her left hand. The woman stepped toward him, placed the lunch box on the table, and took a deep breath.
Rachel looked at Danieru again, quite worried at the sight of him in such disarray. His body was completely unkempt, his eyes sunken, and his face incredibly pale.
"What's wrong with you?" Rachel asked again.
Danieru, hearing Rachel's question, didn't respond. He returned his gaze to Camilla's face and studied her with a deep gaze.
"Why isn't Camilla here?"
Danieru exhaled and glanced at Rachel, who was still standing near the dressing table.
"Is Camilla still not back?" Rachel asked.
Danieru nodded.
"Can I ask you a few questions?"
Hearing this, Danieru immediately looked at Rachel, but the man didn't react at all.
Rachel, who didn't see Danieru respond, remained silent, staring at him. "Do you still love me?"
Danieru took a deep breath. Why did it have to be a question like this? Why not ask something else?
"Answer me!" Rachel said.
Hearing this, Danieru returned his gaze to Rachel. "I don't know. Maybe I still love you, but maybe I don't."
Rachel quickly approached, stopping a step away from Danieru. “Why can’t you be sure?”
Danieru remained silent.
“Listen… I just want certainty, and I want to end all the suffering in my heart.”
“Go away, I want to be alone.”
Rachel, who was kicked out, immediately threw her hand up, deeply displeased with Danieru's actions.
Plak ...
The slap was quite hard, the sound echoing, and Danieru reflexively held his cheek.
"Answer me! Do you still love me?" Rachel asked.
Danieru didn't answer; he looked down at the floor and smiled slightly.
"Danieru!" Rachel shouted.
"Go away, Rachel."
Rachel clenched her fists, irritated by Danieru's actions. She took a deep breath, trying to remain calm so as not to be overcome by her own emotions.
"You love Camilla, don't you?" Rachel asked.
Hearing this naturally took Danieru quite by surprise. It was a question he hadn't expected to come from Rachel's lips, and unfortunately, it was the third time he had heard it, and from different people.
The man thought for a moment, closed his eyes, and thought about Camilla. While he had previously compared Camilla and Rachel, this time he focused solely on his own feelings. He didn't need to compare Rachel and Camilla; the two women were clearly different.
"Why are you just keeping quiet, huh?" Rachel asked.
The woman's breath hitched, her emotions overflowing with impatience to hear Danieru's answer.
Meanwhile, Danieru, listening to Rachel's insistence, could only bow weakly. His eyes stared at the floor and imagined Camilla's face.
"Danieru!"
Danieru bit his tongue hard, then lifted his head, his eyes already glistening with tears.
"Are you s-"
“Yes! I love her so much, I feel crazy when Camilla isn't around. I cherish her, I can't lose her. This feeling is deeper and deeper than when I loved you. It's so cruel and hidden that I can't easily find it. But... but what's the point of this feeling now? I've hesitated twice in saying what my heart wants; I've failed to keep that extraordinary woman. Are you satisfied? Now go! Get out of my sight and never come back. Because I doubted my heart, I ran to you to confirm my feelings. Because I was a fool, I lost Camilla and I couldn't bring her back into my arms. Because I was useless, I made my path even more difficult. Go... go now!”
Rachel froze; she had never seen Danieru like this before. He had said everything in his heart without hesitation, and he was even gasping for breath after expressing his feelings.
“Then, what are you doing here? If you love her, you should have fought. Don't repeat the same mistake, Danieru. You didn't fight for me either, and you want to end up like this now.”
Danieru collapsed, sitting on the floor, tears streaming down his face. How could he find Camilla if he didn't know where she was? How could he make connections if he'd been abandoned by the Golden Snake and his own in-laws.
Rachel, seeing Danieru like this, couldn't stand it any longer. She immediately approached him and hugged him.
"Listen to me carefully, Danieru. Don't interrupt me, and don't even think about backing out. I only have a limited amount of time, and I hope you don't do anything stupid."
Danieru didn't answer, choosing to remain silent and not struggle as Rachel hugged him.
"Do you remember when I broke off our relationship?"
Danieru remained silent, not wanting to waste his voice talking to Rachel. He hated reopening old wounds, but he also wanted to hear what Rachel had to say.
"I've already rejected everything, and I'm doing this because I don't want you or my family to get hurt."
Danieru, who clearly didn't understand Rachel's meaning, grew increasingly confused. But once again, he didn't want to talk; he didn't want Rachel to stop telling him as he spun the words out of his mouth.
"You must already know that Hatsu and Father are working with dangerous people, and you must also know that before the engagement, my family's company was in serious trouble. There are many people in this world who need work, many people who need money, even if it's just a little. If the company goes bankrupt, all the workers won't get their rights, they'll also lose their source of income, and the family's finances will plummet." Rachel smiled bitterly, remembering her family's difficult times at that time.
"Finding a job isn't easy either, and if everyone struggles to find money for even cheap food, crime will increase." Rachel tightened her hug and took a deep breath.
"I originally said that you and I were connected. But your father insisted on accepting the proposal, and unfortunately, the person I was matched with was Hatsu. I already said that whether you or Hatsu were from the same family and shared the same father. But... but they still wanted me. Indeed... I know Hatsu very well, we're quite good friends. But my heart doesn't want her, my heart doesn't choose her."
Danieru felt like his heart was almost stopping. It was always the same... Hatsu always wanted what was his. No wonder Hatsu also wanted Rachel, and all of it was to make him suffer.
"They control everything, they control my father too. Danieru... I knew they had many plans. From the moment I realized you weren't half-siblings, from the moment I realized how differently you were treated, I knew Hatsu had a very sinister plan."
Danieru froze, feeling once again that God was truly unfair.
“I pretended to love Hatsu, but I was trapped by the feelings I had inside. The longer it went on, the more I loved her. The very long engagement, then the marriage I'm currently in. Th-that... that's all that made me unable to resist loving Hatsu.”
Danieru closed his eyes, feeling a little more at ease as he heard the honesty from Rachel's lips.
“But Danieru... even though I love Hatsu, I've never forgotten you. It's not because I love you, but because I've taken on the role of your best friend and older sister. I'm an ordinary woman; I don't want my husband to do bad things or lead me down the wrong path. I met you at that time because I wanted to tell you all this. But... you kissed me instead, putting everything I wanted to say on hold.”
Danieru realized that if this all started with him, he shouldn't have done anything stupid.
“Hatsu and Dad must have a plan, and I hope you'll behave yourself. Don't worry... I'm on your side. I support you, because I'm your best friend and your older brother.”
“Thank you,” Danieru said. He closed his eyes and returned Rachel's hug, relieved that she had truly made him aware of his own feelings.
“Now you have to eat and improve yourself. You can't keep falling like this. You have to get up and pursue what you want to achieve. If you fall, get back up and pursue it again. Don't give up like you gave up on me, never let go of what you can hold.”
Danieru nodded, then released the hug and smiled at Rachel.
“Thank you, Rachel.”
“I have to go soon. It won't be good to stay out too long. Oh well... they both know if I see you, so stay cool with me, don't raise any suspicions. Remember... I don't want you to fall any deeper and break when you reach the bottom.”
“I understand, Big Sister.”
Rachel felt relieved after hearing Danieru's words. She placed her right hand on Danieru's head and ruffled his hair affectionately.
“See you, Danieru.” Rachel immediately stood up and quickly left the room, leaving the place behind.
...
After Rachel's visit, Danieru recovered. He quickly ate, showered, and tried to close his eyes. Right now, he had to gather his strength and find a way to reunite with his father-in-law. He had to find a good way to repair their broken relationship.
The man closed his eyes, but his mind kept thinking. He opened them again and stared at the ceiling.
“What should I say after this?” Danieru said. He hugged the pillow and then turned his body to Camilla's side, where he often fell asleep.
He imagined Camilla beside him, smiling as she gazed into his eyes. Missing her... why did he want to hug her so badly right now?
“Camilla, do you know what crazy thing I'm doing right now?”
Danieru reached out, gently stroking the pillow Camilla often used to lie on. Her scent lingered there, and it soothed his longing a little.
"I'm crazy because I'm desperate, and I'm also crazy because I want to give up when I realize this love for you is so sincere."
Danieru felt himself indeed going insane, talking to himself and imagining Camilla nearby.
“If only I hadn’t met Rachel that day, maybe I could have sacrificed myself to protect you from that kidnapping.”
The man inhaled the air around him, his chest tightening.
“But... I was stupid for not doing that. I was so stupid that I forgot that there was a woman who had sworn an oath to me before God. I know our marriage is only a contract, but then again... our marriage was legally valid, recognized by the state and everyone. The feelings I have in my heart are not just a contract, but a reality.”
Danieru smiled slightly. “Camilla, are you okay? Who is your cure now? Will you come back to me and accept this foolish man when we meet again?”
The man closed his eyes tightly. “Damn... why did this have to happen, Camilla? Why can’t you and I be together now? Is this the result of me not realizing everything from the start?”
Danieru didn’t suppress his own feelings; he tried to hold on. "I will look for you, but if I want to win you and fight for you, I must recover from all my bad conditions. I don't want you to see my weak side, because I want you to see that I am a man worthy of your trust."
"Good night, my wife. I long to see you, even if only in my dreams."
After those words stopped, Danieru cleared his mind. He tried to sleep and weave a dream about meeting his beloved.