Chapter LII-1

Lana's POV My mind seemed to be floating in some half-conscious state. I couldn't understand what it was that weakened me, but my body simply decided to go numb, to release every bit of energy that kept me straight. I pushed myself to think.. To stay conscious of my surroundings. But the only thing my mind chose to register was the fact that I was in his arms. My Christian. It's over, I kept repeating to myself. It's finally over. It only mattered that we all made it out alive.. Almost all of us. Alexander.. Alexander was dead. He— it's true that he made a mistake, but the simple thought of Adam killing him before my eyes, ripping his heart out so savagely.. Hell, no one deserved that. It weakened me, that picture in my head.. I was breathing, but my breaths were so slow that they barely left my lips. I could register his scent, Christian's scent.. I could feel the scrape of his slight beard underneath my lips, and I wasn't even aware I had leaned forward.. To feel him closer, to feel him holding me and breathing me in with every step he took.. "Christian," His name slipped between my lips like silk against glass, so quiet that it was surprising he had heard me.. "What is it, my love?" His lips moved somewhere over my forehead before he left a light kiss right there.. I heard something in his voice. I heard fear in his voice. I felt it in his body. It was rigid and stiff. He was frightened for me. I knew he was. "I'm alright." I told him, so slowly that I barely connected the two words. And I felt his grip around me tighten. Then I remembered, that wasn't what I wanted to say.. I wanted to ask something. But I said instead, "Are you?" "I am. And I know you are too." He left another kiss over my hair. It was a soothing kiss. I just wasn't sure if he was soothing himself or me. "You're alright," He adjusted me a bit in his arms and I leaned closer against his neck. Again, I inhaled his scent. "Lana, stay with me, love," I wanted to open my eyes and look at him, but I couldn't. "Are you hurt?" Shaking my head didn't seem enough because I barely moved, so I added. "No, I'm just—" My voice faded away.. I was losing track of my thoughts again. "Amelia, is she— are they alright?" Was that what I wanted to ask before? "Everyone is fine. You are too. Everything will be just fine," He repeated and I noticed how raged his breath seemed, almost as if he was in a hurry.. I heard muted voices from the side.. "What happened to her?" Someone yelled, it was a familiar voice, a man's voice, but to me it was all just faded sounds, somewhere in the back of my head. "I don't know, I was—" And Christian continued explaining, but his voice too seemed to mute away.. I frowned and felt a moan of protest leave my throat because I could speak to myself. I was alright, just like he said. But no one seemed to had noticed, so I wondered if it was all just in my head. "She destroyed the necklace, what if the necklace—" Christian continued talking, and I continued holding myself against him.. No, he was holding me. I was just holding on tightly. Or was I? I could still hear voices though, I could hear female voices mixing in, and I thought to myself, that must be Amelia. She's really just fine. They my thoughts wandered somewhere else. I thought about her daughter and how I never would've forgiven myself if a child was left motherless because of a fight I was supposed to end by myself. I thought about Christian and his brother, and how they kept each other's back. I thought about my brothers, my mother, and my father that was already dead, because of that same person that I ended, not so long ago.. It was all fleshes in my memory. I heard them laughing.. Or I just thought of them laughing. How it used to me.. Simpler, that's what it was. It was all much simpler before Adam came into our lives. That night when I left home, protesting against a marriage with Alexander, rebelling against my father.. They were both dead now. I felt pressure in my head. I tried holding onto Christian tighter, but then realized I felt nothing in my hands, in my arms.. No strength, no ability to show any sign of consciousness. Was it all a dream? Maybe I didn't kill Adam, my paranoid mind whispered to me, but I pushed the thought back. I killed him. I saw him fall dead. I saw the life leave his body. And then I thought of how perhaps it would've all been easier if I never left home that night.. That night when I met Alexander Vesnetsov. When I also met Christian le Boursier.. When everything in my life went downhill. I should had agreed. I should had agreed to marry Alexander. I should've made my father happy. It was the least I could do, after everything he did for me, my entire life. But then I would've never had Christian. And I loved Christian. He was my everything. He was— he was my only will to try and open my eyes. But I once again failed. I simply felt exhausted, and that was clearly worrying him.. Worrying everyone, apparently, I just couldn't figure out what they were saying. I love him, I told myself. I always have, always will.. Perhaps I loved him before I even admitted it to myself, but it was an emotion so strong that I could no longer deny. And there wasn't anything in the world like being loved back.. The feel of his breath somewhere over my hair, his lips moving against it as he spoke, almost had me smiling that I was in his arms.. And he was alright. He was really alright. So I tried flattering my eyes opened with one simple wish, and that was to see those midnight blacks look back at mine, to be assured that it was all true, all real. And I succeeded this time. I opened my eyes, and looked up. His jaw was sharp and the lines of his face were splendidly straight, perfectly carved just as always.. He was talking to someone, looking in the other direction, and when I tried following his gaze— God knows how I moved my head to do so, I was met with a picture that— oh, it definitely proved that I had either lost my mind or.. Or I was right when I thought it was all a dream. No, it couldn't be real.. Because when I looked in that direction to see who he was talking to.. I saw my father. ~