Chapter 247
Chapter 247
I pulled away to brush my nose against his again, but he just chuckled and brought his lips back to mine. I felt through his hair, taking him all in and enjoying every second of it with both my skin and soul.
My therapist had really centered on my experience with Milo at first, and we had actually made a lot of really good progress with that whole situation. Asmodeus was sort of my safe zone- and we started being able to go all the way a few weeks ago, but sometimes if other people touched me unexpectedly then I could still get a bit triggered.
But right now, in this exact moment, all I could feel was him, and all my mind knew was euphoric comfort and safety. The kiss picked up intensity a little bit as his hands felt down my back to my waist, and I slid my hands to behind his neck.
I still had a lot of therapy to go for many different aspects of my messed-up self, but I was getting there. I could feel myself getting there. And for the first time in 4 years, I had been able to get out of that shower, look in the mirror, and smile.
And there was no putting into words just how warm that made my heart feel. I knew my dad was proud of me whereever he was for finding myself again after I had been lost for so damn long.
And for finding some life-long companions along the way.
Later that night, the two of us FaceTimed with the rest of the group, and I couldn't stop smiling. Kade was with Ali, so I got to see her, too. Asmodeus kept getting confused at my occasional happy tears that slid from my cheeks onto him, but after assuring them they were happy ones, he just grinned at me and helped me wipe them.
Sure, I had had people taken from me in my life that could never be replaced or forgotten. Sure, I had spent a solid few years of my life practically wasting away and hurting myself that I would never get back. And sure, I had developed a strong tendency to rely on other things for my own coping mechanisms- like my friends or my alcohol or my boyfriend.
It's true, I had fallen many times in my life. But every Phoenix must burn down to rise from their ashes, and I was now starting to do just that. I deserved happiness, and I deserved all the blessings that I now had in my life.
For the first time in 4 years, I was able to look into the future and not only see the people that would be missing from it, but rather the beauty of the fact that I didn't know who would be added to it.
I fiddled with the ring on Asmodeus's pointer finger as we talked with everyone- the one I had given him last Christmas- and nestled into his chest. The strangely comforting sound of Asmodeus getting on Layla's case about her currently being in Jessica's bed with him began to lull me to sleep, and I didn't try to fight it as I closed my eyes.
I heard Kade crack a joke about me falling asleep, but I just bought my hand up and flipped him off. But then a few moments later, I began to drift off a bit. I only woke back up after the call has already ended, and when Asmodeus shifted and I fell down onto the pillow-less mattress below me.
"Asshole," I grumbled almost incoherently at him, and he chuckled sleepily as he then lifted my head up to put a pillow under it. I nestled into it when he put my head back down, and then felt him slide further into the sheets, lying his head on his pillow as well.
"You have the sweetest nicknames for me," he said, and I moved over to wrap myself partially over him and rest my head on his chest. He reached and put a hand on my waist, helping me to stay squished into him as I relaxed into his embrace.
"I love you, Asmodeus," I said sleepily and yawned. "And I love myself."
I drifted off again before I could hear his reply, but I could feel his chest rumbling softly under me with his response as I finally gave in to my tiredness and smiled into the peaceful dream that I could tell awaited me in my sleep.
And life, you stupid, obnoxious, beautiful thing... I love you too.