Chapter 199
At least this all reminded me why I couldn't afford to do that. It was almost as though I had forgotten what happened as a result of me letting myself be vulnerable to my mom.
"That doesn't mean that you didn't say it," my words came out a little sadder than I had expected, and I started to feel the conversation shifting away from the angry bante it was a few minutes ago.
"I know," he kept looking down with guilty eyes. "I'm sorry."
I didn't really know what I could say to that. I mean, I wasn't sorry for punching him- he deserved it in my mind. When he saw I had nothing to say, he continued.
"Asmodeus, I," he paused, "if you and Jake hadn't lived with us for those three years, I don't know if I would have made it." His eyes looked back up at mine with an intense stare. I had no idea what his dramatic-ass even meant by this, but I listened anyway.
"I made a mistake when I said all that," he added, "the truth is that I need you more than you've ever needed me. And I always offer things and try to give you money because I think some subconscious part of me is scared that if you stop feeling like you need me for anything then you'll leave. People don't stick around in my family when someone's materialistic shit stops satisfying them. I never wanted that to happen with you," he was no longer meeting my gaze by the time he finished.
I kept my eyes on him, taking in his words as his eyes focused on anything but me.
"What happened to you and your family, none of it was your fault. None of it," he looked back up at me, but now I was the one who looked down. "I've never thought that it was, not even for one second. Ever. You have to believe me."
"Drop it, Jessica. You couldn't convince me of that before everything, let alone now," I dismissed, and it looked like that cut him pretty deep for some reason.
It was silent again. But a different silence. It seemed quieter somehow.
"We can just tell them we sorted everything out and act like it's fine. Let's just call them back in here," I couldn't meet his eye as I made the suggestion.
It honestly hurt my heart to be in the same room as him. And I wasn't saying that lightly.
"I don't want to," he disagreed. "I want to make this right because I do love you, Asmodeus. You're still my brother," he said and I snickered.
"I'm being serious," he chimed back in.
"So am I," I replied, fake resolve in my voice. He sighed.
"What can I do to make this right again?" He asked me genuinely.
"I don't know," I replied and shrugged. Or tried to shrug- it was pretty difficult to move with all the rope.
I called out for Carla, but Kade walked in instead.
"Hello friends," Kade plopped down on my bed, and both Jessica and I looked at him shocked.
"When did you get here?" I asked.
"I'm always here," he winked, but then added, "just kidding, I came here with LayLay earlier."
I mean, kudos to all of them for making such a well-executed plan.
"If you think we believe that you've made up already, then you truly are a pair of mentally challenged beans. So I'm here to verbally slap you both in the face and wake you the hell up," he smiled at us, and I rolled my eyes.
"First order of business is Layla," he started, and I groaned under my breath, "you both keep arguing and arguing about a lot of shit concerning her, but in reality you should be understanding that you two fighting like that is just hurting her more than anything you are discussing." He said, and I scrunched my brows a little. Since when was Kade the most mature of the three of us?
"If you don't make up for yourselves, at least do it for her. She loves you both and even though she might not be making a big deal of it, watching you two act like this is making her feel like genuine shit." He continued. Jessica tried to talk, but Kade held up a 'silent lama' hand at him and continued talking.
"Second order of business. Give me one good reason why you two shouldn't make up," he looked between the two of us.
"The shit he said," I offered up, but Kade shook his head like a teacher telling their student they got the wrong answer.
"So are people not allowed to make mistakes now, is that it?" He said, and I didn't answer, knowing that it was a rhetorical question.
"I'm leaving the room now, because I was in the middle of indulging on some Kraft Mac n Cheese, but don't make me come back in here, and don't keep trying to throw away all the years we've had together for one stupid accident. If you guys try to make me chose who to be friends with, I simply will not, and I will take both of your girlfriends with me because they're just as annoyed. It's either both of you, or none of you. So talk your shit through for me, okay? Okay." he finished and shut the door behind him without so much as a second glance.
It was, yet again, silent for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry," Jessica finally spoke, and I swallowed. "I know I keep saying that but I am."
"Me too," I pressed the words out. "I don't know what I want to say... but um, I guess I'm sorry, too," I continued to stammer out. "I want to say I'm sorry but you know I'm not good at talking about my feelings and shit," I rolled my eyes at myself.