Chapter 53
He was getting hard. He could feel Bill was, too. The deck was fairly private. But Dan said, “We should go in if we’re gonna let these two hard-ons have their way.”
An hour later, Dan was standing at the stove doing his one-trick breakfast of scrambled eggs and warm ‘n serve sausages. Bill had offered to cook but Dan said, “No way.” Since Bill did most all the cooking for them, Dan had insisted on doing the one thing he could.
“Yes, dear,” Bill said when Dan couldn’t be persuaded to change his mind.
Bill sat on the other side of the breakfast bar watching Dan as he drank a cup of coffee.
Dan piled the eggs and sausages on plates, added English muffins and glasses of orange juice, set it all on the bar, and announced in a British butler voice, “Breakfast is served.”
They ate for a while without speaking. Then Bill said, “This is nice. Really domestic. This is what you want, isn’t it?”
Dan stopped eating and looked at Bill. “Yeah it is.”
“Me, too,” Bill added.
They let the subject drop. However, Dan couldn’t help feeling they were on the brink of something huge.
They washed dishes and took the dogs for a walk.
As they walked along, Bill said, “Full disclosure. I’ve had two relationships since Marjory and I split.”
Dan nodded.
“They didn’t last and I know why,” he went on. “And it’s something we need to talk about if what we’ve found in each other is gonna work for us.”
“Okay.”
“How do you feel about monogamy? Pretty important?”
“Well, yeah, sure. It’s kind of the basis of a committed relationship isn’t it?”
“Yes and no.”
Dan stopped walking and looked at Bill. The dogs strained against their leashes for a second then went to sniffing where they stood.
Bill looked back at him. “I believe human males are naturally polygamous.”
Dan wrinkled his brow.
Bill continued. “It’s in our DNA. Goes back to cave man times. You studied the great apes in vet school, right?”
Puzzled as to where this was going, Dan nodded.
“Well, then you know that they live in clans or troupes and there’s usually a dominant male that does most of the procreating.”
Dan nodded again.
“When you look anthropologically at the evolution of humankind you see the same pattern. Even some modern day societies practice polygamous marriage. It was common even in Biblical times. The Bible says Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, for God’s sake. It’s a wonder his pecker didn’t fall off.” Bill chuckled.
Dan frowned.
Bill went on, “That’s why so many marriages end in divorce and so many same sex relationships don’t last. After a while you just need a little variety. We’re programed for it. So, people wind up having affairs and cheating. That makes for a real mess. People get hurt.
“My gay relationships were exclusive, but I felt trapped. I didn’t want to cheat on either of them. If they, Terry and Sam, would have considered open relationships where we could see other guys separately or together, I think the relationships would have lasted. They couldn’t see that working, so we called it quits.”
Dan’s heart was beating fast. He felt his chest constrict. “But that isn’t exclusive…monogamous. How can you call it committed if you’re sleeping with other guys?”
“Because I wouldn’t love them, I’d love the man I was with, and only him.”
“Up to now you’ve never mentioned love,” Dan said.
“I know. I was waiting until we had this conversation. I want to let myself love you, but I need to know how you feel about this.”
Dan considered this, then asked, “What if you did start feeling love for one of the guys you were fooling around with, what then?”
“I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let myself. Like I said, that’s the commitment part, the monogamous part: the love we’d share with each other.”
“What if I can’t accept this…arrangement?”
“I really hope you can, because I’ve really fallen for you. I don’t want it to end like it did with Sam and Terry before it even starts.”
Dan didn’t know what to say.
They finished the walk in silence—Dan’s brain trying and failing to take all of this in. He’d already fallen in love with Bill. He didn’t want a replay of the attempts at a relationship he’d tried that summer. Yet, what Bill seemed to be suggesting…would Dan be able to accept it?
They went into the house. After Dan took the leashes off the dogs and gave them treats, he and Bill sat down on the couch.
Bill took one of Dan’s hands in his. “Look. More full disclosure. You know Marty at the clinic?”
Dan nodded.