Chapter Fifty-Five: Hold on

Sapphire Nightborne

All I could see was a mix of orange, yellow and red as the flames flickered before me… the countless pyres sending sparks into the dead night sky.

Normally, there would have been a procession where the pack could say their final goodbyes to their fallen brothers and sisters before the family was given the privacy to light the pyres, but this time… there were too many.

When we finally returned to Shadow Mountain, there was no celebration, no victory party…just a sombre silence as healers rushed to save the injured and those who could walk it off gathered the dead.

The scene when Xander and I were called down to see the bodies will forever be burned into my memory.

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They were placed in our arena while warriors stood guard at every entrance to prevent the families from rushing in.

My lips parted as I finally saw the damage Shadow Mountain had taken, Xander’s hand found mine as he took in all who had given their lives.

I had been in arenas before where bodies littered the ground, but there was never one where I could not even see the floor nor the spectator stands as the guards laid them down on whatever space they could.

I slowly loosened my grip on Xander’s hand as I started to walk down the steps, his chair preventing him from moving through the narrow pathways. A warrior accompanied me, but nothing he said registered as I surveyed the bodies.

There were no elderly or children, just rows and rows of warriors who had given their life for their home and their pack.

“Do we let the families in to identify them, Alpha Female?”

I swallowed hard as I assessed the state of the bodies. Some were clawed and bitten beyond recognition, their faces marred as their glassy eyes stared at the ceiling. These were common sights for me, but I doubt that many of Xander’s wolves would be able to handle seeing their loved ones torn apart.

“Xander will give you the instructions for identification.”

He was always better with dealing with people than I could ever be.

“Yes Ma’am!”

Families held each other as they sobbed, clinging on to whatever loved one they have left, tightly as if they would disappear if they loosened their grip.

My eyes strayed as I searched for Amelia, straining them as I looked into the trees… hoping to find her here. My gaze soon fell onto one of her members who met mine before sadly shaking her head.

“She needs time, Sapph.”

I looked down as Xander gripped onto my hand, his thumb rubbing small circles on the back of my hand. My hands tightened around him as I forced out a smile.

“I know… but I just thought she would be here to say goodbye to her members.”

Amelia was rushed to the healers the moment she was dragged back to Shadow Mountain, Ophelia had to sedate her just to pry her away from the bodies of her pride members.

She was broken, with too many cuts and tears, and bones out of place. Jared had to hold me back as I screamed at the healers to do something. They worked on her for seven hours before we were told she was no longer in danger.

She woke soon after that but refused to speak to anyone, not even me, her eyes open and dazed as she stared wordlessly at the ceiling… just like the bodies in the arena.

The rest of her members were being cared for at Blackwater, the healers not wishing to risk transporting them back all the way to Shadow Mountain… but it was all too late, they died soon after they were placed in the Healers’ Room… according to the healers, Damien had constantly been feeding that red liquid into their veins causing their hearts to work harder than needed to. They were just ticking bombs ready to explode any minute.

I sat by Amelia’s side, her hand in mine, as I told her the news… hoping that deep down this news would snap her out of her daze, that she would roar with rage and anger to avenge her fallen… but nothing happened.

Her eyes remained focused on the ceiling as a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye to stain her pillow, her hand going limp in mine.

I wanted to scream at her to get up, to fight and not give up… that I did not want to see her lose herself for the second time.

The last time she was forced out of her daze by our Elders who threw us back into training days after we were rescued from the hunters, after they were sure that our bodies had healed to the bare minimum to be beaten down again.

She had to wake up because she was now alone, with no one else to lean on, as I had been taken out by our Alpha to prepare to take my father’s place as Head Warrior and Commander of Blackwater… it was only a few days before she ran away.

“We will get through this, Sapphire.”

“Do my scars bother you that much, Sapphire?”

My eyebrows raised as I lifted his left leg onto the bed, tilting my head to the side as I straddled them to help him undress for bed.

“How could you even say that?”

His chest rose before he let out a deep sigh, his hands moving to grip mine, steadying them from trembling, something that I had not even realised.

“I remember right after we met Maxwell for the last time, I collapsed against you soon and the last thing I could remember was hearing you scream my name, and that was also the first thing I heard when my eyes opened. I remember hearing you breathe when you set beside me while they observed the extent of my injuries. I remember searching for your eyes, but you never met my gaze. You never left my side, but you always found a way to look away from me.”

I bit my lip as I stared down at my hands, the truth of what he said bearing heavy on my shoulders.

“I know I may probably never look the way I did---”

I wrenched my hands from his grip before forcing my eyes to look into his for the first time since he had left the Healers’ Room. Swallowing hard as I took in what Damien had forced Amelia to do… a slash running diagonally down his face, cutting across the bridge of his nose before stopping at his jawline. He tilted his head as he looked at me, as if my reaction just confirmed what he had just said.

“Do you think the fact that Damien damaged your looks is why I cannot look at you? Do you think that I am that shallow?”

My hand took his and placed it under my shirt, letting him feel the grooves of my scars.

“Do I repulse you, Alexander? Does that fact that my skin was marred disgust you?”

His eyes grew soft as he shook his head, his hand softly moving to my waist to push me closer to him.

“I…I cannot look at you because all I remember, every time I see the wounds all over your body, is my cousin slashing away at the man that I love while I was helpless to stop it, sitting helplessly beside the man who organised it. All I could do was watch as she tore you a part… I’m…I’m supposed to the warrior who was unbeatable, the Lycan Legacy who took down Alphas by the time she was seventeen---”

I stopped as a I leaned back, resting on calves as I gulped down air, my throat tight.

“So Xander, I can’t look at you because of the guilt that tears at my heart every time I see your scars, the way that I feel like throwing up each time I see you in that chair, wheeling yourself around because of this stupid fairytale wishing that I had just given up at Black Blood and had never run away. You would still be fine, and countless of your people and Amelia’s would be alive right now, sleeping peacefully with their loved ones instead of lying in the arena awaiting to be put on their pyres.”

I tilted my head back as I tried to gulp down air, I started to move off Xander before he grabbed me by the waist and held me down against his chest, his hand trembling as he moved to stroke my hair.

“Oh, Sapphire. None of this is and ever will be your fault, we were thrown into this mess from the moment we were born. All we can do is fight for what we have now, Amelia and I made a choice to do whatever it takes to protect you… when you were gone, I had to hide the fact that I was going to look for you because countless of my warriors as well as Amelia’s were ready to leave at a moment’s notice if it meant saving you. Sapphire, what is done is done, the worst thing you can do is focus on what you wish could have happened because it will not change the present, and it diminishes the choices that all of those who died at Blackwater had made. Sapphire, you have to understand that the people here have accepted you as their own, and family are those who will lay down their lives for each other without any hesitation, just like when you went in blind to ensure Chloe would be safe, or when you sacrificed yourself just for the sliver of hope that your pack would have been safe.”

He gripped me tighter as I started to sob, gurgling sounds emitting from my throat as I gasped for air, my nostrils blocked preventing me from breathing. The beating of Xander’s heart against my ear as I gripped his shoulder.

“Do you know why…why I search for your eyes every time I see you? Because those few days where I was not sure what had happened to you, my dreams were plagued by fire and death. I look for you because I need to remind myself that you are still here with me, that I am not going to wake up and realise that you are still his prisoner at Blackwater. I remember screaming your name in my mind, hoping that I would hear your voice---”

His voice trembled as his body shook causing me to look up at his face. My hand moving to stroke his face as he smiled at me and gripped my hand before turning his head to kiss the inside of my wrist, tears rolling down cheeks as he gripped my hand hard, as if I would disappear.

“Please don’t leave me, Sapph---”

He did not get to finish before I threw my arms around his neck, placing my head against the crook of his neck.

“I never wanted to leave you, Alexander… I cried out for you, begging my body to move... but it just laid there.”

I felt his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed hard, his head tilting to look at me before pressing his lips against mine. My hand rose to rest against his cheek as I parted my lips to meet his. He grunted softly as he turned his body to the side, his hands tangling in my hair as he hold my close while I shifted my left leg so that it was thrown over his wait, pushing him closer to me.

It was as if we created our own little bubble where time stood still for us, as our hands moved desperately to memorise each other’s features. I gripped his shoulder harder as I felt his wet eyelashes brush against my eyelids.

It seemed like an eternity before we pulled away, breathless as we stared each other before I gave a short laugh, my thumb running over his swollen lips. His eyes crossed as he stared at my thumb before laughing as well.

My laughter soon died down as my hand went to touch his thigh before looking into his eyes, my face filled with concern.

“The Chief Healer already said that whatever Damien poisoned with me is already starting to flush out of my system, my wounds are healing and with enough slow practice, there is a good chance that I will walk again.”

“But…”

He gripped my hand and placed it against his chest, the beat of his heart soothing me, his thumb running over my fingers.

“I told you we will get through this, Sapphire. All I need for you is to trust me that I will.”

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I gave a tight smile before squeezing his hand once more.

“Yes we will, Xander. We will all get through this together.”