Chapter Twenty-Eight-2

"Do you love each other?" he asked, immune to my excuses. "What?" "Do you love each other?" "I dunno? You'd have to ask her that," I huffed, sour faced by all accounts. "I didn't raise you to be a quitter, Son." "Oh, bollocks! Don't try and guilt trip me!" I stated, unsure of his intention. "I already feel shit. You're supposed to be making me feel better." "I'm afraid you won't feel better until you fix things, Will." His fatherly tone and calm persona really did rub me up the wrong way for reasons unknowing to me. Perhaps it was because deep down, I knew he was right. There was a strong chance I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. "And how do I do that without hurting her?" I asked, desperate for some advice. "How do I persuade her to be with me, even though the universe seems so set against us?" "I don't think she needs any persuading, Will. It seems to me like you had your mind made up before consulting in her. You may think you're doing her the world of good by denying her the choice but doesn't that make you no better than the cousin? Everyone around her is telling her what to do, how to react, what to say. Don't you think she has a right to choose for herself what she wants?" He paused, but soon continued. "Stop putting yourself down so much. I know you still carry a lot of guilt and that will likely remain with you for the rest of your life. But don't let it define you. You're worthy, Son. You deserve to find love and you deserve to be happy. So, be bloody happy," he finalised, continuing on with his garden as though he didn't just low-key tell me off. I stared at him for a few moments, comprehending how best to approach the situation. I wasn't deliberately sabotaging my relationship with Rosie. Or was I? "Are you gonna continue sulking for the rest of the day or are you gonna help me with these seeds? They won't plant themselves, ya know?" he sassed, thankfully offering me a distraction. "Sure, I can help." We both got to work in complete silence and I took this time to really evaluate everything that had gone on in my life since that fatal night. There were downfalls to my involvement with Rosie, yet most of those were outweighed by the fact that I was madly in love with her. I never thought I was capable of such happiness, not after what I did. Yet she had exceeded all expectations. Was my Dad right? Was I deliberately ruining my life because I felt undeserving of such fulfilment. "What do I do, Dad?" I pleaded, in need of some help. "Only you can answer that, Son," he replied, holding out on offering me insight. The one time I needed telling and he goes quiet on me...bloody typical! "We go on tour soon," I informed, thinking out loud. "We'd never see each other." "That may be true but Rosie doesn't strike me as the dependant type. She has her own life, Will. Have a little faith." "And what if it all goes south? What happens when she gets sick of the time difference? Maybe she'll have a shit day at work and come home to an empty house and an absent boyfriend. I'd never be there for her," I argued, growing panicked. "Now you're just making up excuses," he chastised, having none of it. "Look at that manager of yours..." "Johnny?" "That's the one. He's been with his American girlfriend now for years. They've managed the long distance thing just fine." "That's different." "How so?" I struggled to answer that, defeated by his question. "He didn't unintentionally kill her Father." My statement plunged us both into a moment of silence, followed by my Dad's insistence to outright deny it. "But you both knew all that when you started getting involved. The only difference now is a couple of misinformed newspaper articles and a pissed off cousin. Things got too real, too fast and you were unprepared but that's life. Often, we don't have the time we wish for and when such a thing happens, we improvise," he explained, fairly putting things into prospective. "You may think you're protecting her by walking away but I bet all you've really succeeded in doing is abandoning her when she most needs you. You gave up to quickly in my opinion and if I think that, she most likely does too." Well, shit! "Sleep on it, Son. Make a decision and act upon it," he advised, standing up to offer me some privacy. "And Will..." "Yeah?" "Don't wait too long. The longer you leave it, the more damage you'll do." With that, he left me alone in his garden, festering in my depressing thoughts. Hours ago, I had everything I wanted. Rosie was in my bed and I was seconds away from claiming her body as my own. Long and attentive, she had the most glorious set of legs and I couldn't quite deny myself the satisfaction of imagining them wrapped tightly around my waist. She was inexperienced and because of that, I would've gone slow, savouring each passing second. I was desperate to taste her on my tongue and feel her in the most intimate of ways, yet the very idea seemed almost impossible with everything that had happened since. She was a precious rarity and I may have just singlehandedly blown any chance of a relationship due to my stupid insecurities and need to be 'the bigger person'. Then again, I saw the rage in Ben's eyes and simply took matters into my own hands. I couldn't knowingly cause that family any more heartbreak and if that meant removing myself from the equation all together, so be it. I just needed to find the answers, because right now, I had no idea what I was doing.