It was a big kitchen, and it looked newly remodeled. It seemed like a lot for a guy who lived on his own, but what did Justin know about what chefs needed? More than a hotplate and a microwave probably, which was how Justin had lived for years. There was an old farm table over by the windows that looked out into the back yard, and Scarlett was sitting underneath it smashing a couple of toy cars together happily.
The kitchen didn’t smell of any mac and cheese Justin had ever eaten, but he only bought the box stuff. His stomach rumbled when he caught the scent coming from the oven.
“How’s it looking, Chef Harper?” Del asked.
Harper leaned down and peered through the oven door. “Looks good, Chef Del!”
She straightened up again and spun around, the smile vanishing from her face as she caught sight of Justin. It wasn’t even her sudden change in mood that hit him like a punch in the gut. It was her hair. It had been its usual messy, tangled halo when Justin had sent her off to school this morning, but now it was…it was neat. Her hair was parted in the middle, and she had a bun on each side of her head.
Del caught his look. “My niece sent me some links and we messed around a bit on YouTube, didn’t we, Harper? I don’t think we used the right sort of leave-in conditioner, just the one I had on hand, but it’s not bad for a first try.”
Harper preened. “Now we both have buns!”
In that moment, Justin wanted to hate Del, but the sudden tears that stung his eyes weren’t angry. Justin was so bad at this, and Del was so effortlessly fucking good, and how was that fair? He tried to force a smile. Tried not to be so petty.
A sudden pop drew his attention back to Wyatt, who was standing with the doll’s body in one hand and the doll’s head in the other.
“Uh oh,” Wyatt said. “Uh oh, Del.”
Wyatt was talking? It was the final straw. Justin turned on his heel and walked back out of the house.
* * * *
Justin didn’t get far. He only made it to the swing on the front porch. He sat down on it, and closed his eyes, and tried not to hate Del and the kids more than he hated himself. He sat there and breathed in deeply. He opened his eyes again when Del sat down beside him, his forehead creased with concern.
“I’m sorry,” Justin said. “You’re just so goodwith them, and I’m not.”
“Justin.” Del reached out and took his hand. “I love kids, I always have, but I’m not dealing with even a fraction of the stuff that you are right now. It’s easy to be the fun neighbor. It’s not so easy to be their guardian. If I’m overstepping with them, you can tell me, and I’ll back off.”
“You’re not,” Justin said. “You’re just better at everything than me.”
“I’ve got twenty years on you,” Del said, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And my life didn’t just get turned upside down. You’re doing fine, Justin. You’re doing the best you can.”
“That’s not good enough though, is it?”
“It’s better than you think.”
Justin shook his head. His voice cracked when he spoke. “I can’t even do Harper’s hair.”
Del squeezed his hand. “Neither did I, but I could call someone for help. Or rather, I called my niece who asked her friend. You may not have that sort of a support system with random stuff yet, but you’ll learn. You just need a little breathing space. It’s been less than a week since your mom died. Don’t be too hard on yourself just yet, okay?”
Justin exhaled shakily. “I don’t know if I’m gonna get a second chance here though, with the social worker and stuff. The house is a dump, we’ve been eating sandwiches for dinner, Scarlett got sick, Wyatt wasn’t talking, and Harper’s getting in trouble at school. You really think they’re gonna look at me, a nineteen-year-old guy who hasn’t even got his GED, and think that I’m the best option for the kids?”
Del made a face. “Nineteen? Jesus.”
Justin tugged his hand away. “You think I’m just a kid too.”
“I think…” Del sighed. “I think you’re a strong young man, Justin. Trust me, that reaction had nothing to do with whether or not I think you’re capable of raising these kids. That was all on me, for suddenly realizing I kissed a guy who’s younger than my niece.”
Justin’s mouth felt dry. “You don’t…” He cleared his throat. “Have you changed your mind about what you said last night? About being more than friends?”
Del held his gaze. “No, I haven’t changed my mind.”
The words hung there between them, and Justin couldn’t think of anything to say in response. He wanted Del, but he knew Del was right that it would be a mistake to rush into anything. And he didn’t want to make himself sound even younger by asking how long Del wanted him to wait, like an impatient kid counting down to Christmas Day. And maybe it was okay to just let it slide for now, because Del was being a good friend, and that was exactly what Justin needed. It was enough for now. Del was giving him breathing space, like he said, like Justin needed.