“Yeah.” Justin shrugged. “I’ve got a couple of uncles and an aunt doing time. My mom’s cousin lives over on the other side of town, but I don’t want anything to do with her and the feeling’s mutual, you know? The kids are better off not knowing the family anyway. And my Aunt Jody lives in Halee Street in one of those nice new places, but she’s got a husband and a couple of kids and a job at the bank. Last time I saw her was a few years back when she walked past me on the street and pretended not to see me.” He shrugged again and swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Whole town knows we’re trash.”
Del’s gaze was dark. “That’s bullshit,” he said, his voice low. “Anyone can see you’re trying your hardest for these kids, Justin.”
Justin shook his head, his eyes stinging.
Del closed the distance between them so suddenly that Justin almost gasped. Then Del’s hands were on his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, and Justin closed his eyes as Del held him tightly. He was so big and strong and safe, just like he had been in Justin’s dream, and Justin splayed the fingers of one hand against the muscles in his back. His other hand moved up to the nape of Del’s neck, fingers brushing the curls of hair that hung down from his loose bun.
He wanted…
God, he wanted
He wanted to be held. Wanted to be rescued, cherished, loved, but at the same time he wanted to be fucked. Wanted to give himself to this man who’d shown him nothing but kindness. He wanted it to hurt as Del pushed into him, because he’d been so numb for so long. He wanted to scream as Del fucked him. Wanted to scream and fight and be held down. He wanted Del to gentle him through it even when Del was the one making it hurt. He wanted everything, and in that frightened, confused clash of emotions he tilted his head back and, tears streaming down his face, pushed himself up onto his toes so that their mouths met.
A soft scratch of beard hair, a sharp indrawn breath, a brush of lips, and then Del was pulling back.
“I’m sorry,” Justin said, humiliation burning in his gut. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He tried to pivot out of Del’s arms, but Del held him still.
“Justin,” Del said softly. “It’s okay. Take a breath for me. Just take a breath.”
Justin sucked in a shuddering breath.
Del smiled at him. “Okay?”
There was no way to answer that, so Justin shook his head mutely.
“You’re a sweet kid, Justin,” Del said, and Justin tried not to flinch at that word. Kid. “You’re sweet, and you’re cute as hell, but I want to make it clear that you don’t owe me anything, okay? Not for the ride to the hospital, and not for dinner. And you’re not in a good place right now. I like you, and I’d like for us to be friends for now, and eventually maybe more if that’s what you want too. But it’s okay to take some time to think about it. There’s no rush.”
Justin swallowed again and nodded. He couldn’t meet Del’s gaze.
“Okay,” Del said. “You know where I am if you need me for anything.” And then, just when Justin had resigned himself to being rejected, Del leaned in and brushed their mouths softly together, and Justin’s breath caught in his throat. “Goodnight, Justin O’Dwyer.”
“Goodnight,” Justin whispered, and Del smiled and took his lasagna tray and left the house. 6
The house was a drug den. Or maybe…eighty percent drug den, twenty percent a…house. Not a home. It didn’t feel like one, not even with how the kids knew about where everything was, or the way there were some old markings in the kitchen doorway where once upon a time someone had measured how tall Justin had been. There wasn’t a date, just “Justin, age 9” scribbled on the wood.
Del knew enough about kids to know that Justin had been damn short for his age. Not that it surprised Del. Not with how almost-skinny and unkempt the little ones were now.
At least Justin had grown up fine. Or maybe fiiiine, like Abigail would probably say.
Seeing how much Justin struggled, how determined he was to do right by his siblings said a lot about his character. He was willing to put his own needs and wants aside to make sure Harper, Wyatt, and Scarlett were still together, in the house they’d grown up in. Del could admire that, for sure.
While they went through the something-like-an-evening-routine Justin was trying to uphold, Del did what he could. It wasn’t much, but his heart ached for these kids, for Justin, too. The house was falling apart around them, and still, Justin was trying to keep it together for the kids’ sake.