CHAPTER 20—Jake

It’s no denying the girl in front of me is beautiful. Mum wants me to marry her and not Olivia.

I didn’t want to get married at all, but if I’m going to see it through for the company then I wouldn’t want it to be anyone other than Olivia. She was the only one that made the idea bearable.

When I don’t find her in the apartment again after my shower I panic again. That’s all I seem to be doing these past days.

It’s the only reason I’m still looking at the picture mother sent me. If Olivia changes her mind about marrying me then I’ll just go on with whoever this girl was. She seems nice enough.

That’s the plan now. I just pray Olivia wants to marry me on her own and not because she signed a contract with me.

When she mentioned the contract earlier I was surprised because I’d totally forgotten it existed.

It would be unfair of me to use it to make her stay if she changed her mind and decided to leave.

There had to be another way to keep her by my side or I’ll just simply have to let go.

When I hear the door to the apartment open, I leave my room and meet Olivia halfway.

The moment my eyes take her in I know that I’m doomed. I don’t want the girl in the picture, I don’t want any of the girls that has ever graced my bed.

I want no one but Olivia and she just reminded me that.

I rush and put my arms around her, her scent makes me sigh in content into her hair.

She feels right against me, like her body was made just for mine. I don’t even realize how much I missed her until now.

“I missed you” I say. I don’t recognize my voice because it cracks and the wetness I feel in her hair makes me realize that a couple tears have escaped from my eyes.

“What happened with us? We were going so well but now we barely talk. It’s been hell these days waking up to you gone.” She stiffens at my confession before taking a step away from me.

I hadn’t meant to say all those things, she isn’t supposed to know just how much her absence affected me.

She clears her throat to bring my attention to her.

“Your family does not want me to marry you” she says, her tone clipped.

“We’ll just find a way to win them over, I want to marry you and that’s all that matters” I reassure her.

She shakes her head “You don’t understand, this is not about winning them over. Your father even offered me money so I could stay away from you, they want me out of here really bad.”

There’s pain in her voice and I hate that I have something to do with it.

“Did you take it?” I ask, she answers no and I’m relieved.

Well not for long because her next words shatter my hope.

“I think we should break the engagement; everyone is against us getting married. I’m not sure I can handle the hatred from your family for an entire three months”. Her gaze remains on the floor.

“You don’t want to marry me?” my tone is accusing but I can’t help it.

“It’s not that. It’s just that your family…”

“Then don’t worry about them, I will handle it”

“The wedding is in three days…”

“All you have to do is choose your wedding gown, the rest will be taken care of.” I don’t want to give her excuses to leave me.

“It still…”

I don’t want to hear another excuse, so I just tell her how I feel.

“I want you Olivia, just you and no one else” I say.

Her eyes widen in surprise, “You want me?”

She doesn’t sound like she believes but how didn’t she know. I had her in my bed for crying out loud and my body responded to her every curve.

“Of course I want you Olivia, I thought that was already clear.”

She seems indecisive for a moment as different emotions flicker across her face. A bright smile wins and emerges on her face.

“I want you too” she whispers.

My heart beat stops.

“I don’t know how it’s possible that me who is attracted to only girls respond to your touch. I’ve questioned myself these past days on what this feeling I have for you is…I still don’t have the answer but I’m willing to find out.”

The look in her eyes is vulnerable, like she just bared her heart to me.

“I feel the same too” I say before quickly adding “Not the gay part of course” and she laughs. I could listen to her laugh all day.

“I’m relieved that you feel the same way that I do if not everything would’ve been embarrassing” she covers her face with her hands.

I take a step closer and remove them so I can look into her beautiful eyes “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about” I assure her. Whatever she felt was not one sided at all.

She places a palm on his cheek “Then let’s get married for real, do it our own way at our own pace.”

This is where she losses me, “I don’t understand.”

Her hands gestures between us “We already like one another so why not just be together for real. We don’t have to get a divorce after three months; the contract won’t matter anymore.”

One step back. I need to breath.

There’s so much hope in her eyes that I hate to dash it.

“I want you Olivia, there’s no denying it but I’m not going to stay married to you after three. I don’t want to deviate from the original plan.”

For a moment she just stares at me unblinking, trying to process what I just said.

I can tell the minute it dawns on her; her eyes look guarded now and her lips are set in a thin line.

“But you just said you want me just as much as I want you” she says, her voice detached like she’s speaking from a place where emotions don’t exist.

“It is true, I do want you. I just have no intentions of staying married whatsoever, that was why I needed someone I could pay to marry me in paper only.” my explanation does nothing to make her feel better.

“But when people love each other they stay together” she says. There’s a sob trapped at the back of her throat, the crack in her voice gives it away.

“What we have is not love Olivia, I don’t believe in that” I say, “Because I crave your body doesn’t mean I want to be trapped with you forever.”

I wince when she does, I was doing a bad job of explaining things to her whilst trying not to hurt her feelings.

“You’re saying staying married to me is a trap? I’m like a burden to you?”

Shit! I’ve messed up.

“Just relax okay” my hands are surrendered above my head “Anyone can make me crave them as I crave you, so it doesn’t make sense to stay married because of that alone. You don’t want me for a husband.”

There are tears streaking down her cheeks and I want to hit myself for causing them.

“So you wanted me just for what?” she asks. “You know what, let’s not speak to each other again. I’m not backing out either, we’ll get married as planned then get a divorce later just as stated in the contract. I’m sorry if I crossed any boundaries with you, it won’t happen again.” she walks straight to her room without sparing me a glance.

I don’t know how heartbreak feels but I think this is it. It’s like she left with a part of my heart and all I’m left is with an empty space.

I turn to her room, but I can’t get myself to move. I should stop her, tell her just how much I love her, how I can’t stop thinking about her every morning when I wake up.

Those are the things she needs to hear but I don’t say it. I can’t say it. Because I’m not type of guy, the type to commit to long term relationships.

I’m not who she wants. I’m not who my parents want.

By the time I make it to her door it’s already late, so I let myself slide to the floor before leaning on it.

Her sobs pierce my heart as they waft through the quiet apartment.

The strong Olivia that had punched me the first time we met was gone, I’d torn her apart and left her a crying mess. All by myself.

She wanted a real wedding, the one thing I could never give her. If only I had turned out different, we would be happy together.

We would never be the same, whatever attraction that had brought us together has been destroyed.

Come tomorrow she was going to be her cold self again and I wasn’t excited to meet that version of her.

I needed to fill this emptiness that had fallen on me, her cries still tormenting behind my closed doors.

I had to be the Jake I was before she came into my life. The one who had no regard for others while his bed entertained whomever he deemed fit for the evening.

With that I take my phone from my table and dial a random contact. They pick on the first ring and the soft voice at the other end of the phone makes me know that I made a good choice.

It’s only a few minutes before the doorbell rings. When I get the door five smiling faces beam at me, and I let them in.

With hushed whispers we escape into my room, and I close the door. I hate myself for having to resort to this.

I don’t remember any of this ladies, their names even were a mystery. All I know is we were together, and some point and I can always invite them into my bed.

That was familiar ground. Warm my bed but sleep in it. This was my routine, and I couldn’t let Olivia ruin it.

With unsteady hands I remove my shirt and let myself indulge in the soft curves around me, but none is the one I actually want.