Not going

Not going
“m..M” he stammered, looking at me like it was the first time he was seeing me. 

“I am serious” i said clutching on to him. 

I did not want to leave, i could not afford for him to leave me and give me the ‘space’ that he needed. I wanted, no. Needed to give him the reason to not let go of me. 

I could not explain why, but there was a desperate feeling in my chest, making it almost impossible for me to think otherwise. 

“I could help you… you know?” i suggested, tilting my head to the side whilst i looked at him through my lashes. 

He bit his lower lips, as though contemplating what i had offered before he pushed me away. Not in a way that could hurt me, but enough that i stopped gripping onto his clothes. 

“Mika” he said, coming down to my level so that we were seeing eye to eye. “i don’t know what is going on with you, but trust me, you do not want that.”

I let go of his hands almost instantly, looking at him with a look of annoyance. 

“you do not know what i want”

“i might not know what you want, but i am quite sure that you would not want to sleep with me. Not in this life time at least. Not after what happened with….” he said, his eyes diming a bit as he spoke. “and i know right now that you are not in your right mind to….”

“just cut the crap!” i sneered, the anger bubbling at the pit of my stomach. “you don’t get to tell me what or when i am in my right mind. 

He blinked, not expecting that i was going to react that way. 

I pinched my tigh, wanting to hit myself across the face because why? Why the fuck did i act that way?’ the  thought was running through my brain, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. 

“Look” i tried again, taking in a deep breath. “I am sorry for the way i acted. I just… it has been a rough day for me… for you as well. So i would just…” i pointed at the door. “… give you the space that you will need” i forced a smile even though i wanted nothing more than to crawl up a whole and die. 

“Okay” he nodded, having this look of relief on his face as i walked out of the room. 

The walk back to my room was very silent, the air around me suddenly felt tight, almost like i could barely breathe

“i just…” i let out a sigh. Honestly, it felt like i had been doing that way too often these days. “it cannot be healthy. 

I entered the room. The room suddenly felt empty, as though something was missing from it, but i could not point out what exactly it was. 

I laid down on my bed, not thinking too much about it when i felt it. 

It felt as something was watching me, i stood still, daring not to breathe. 

“you can’t get a break love” the voice sounded so close, yet so far away that i almost questioned whether or not i was imagining things. “rest all you want…” it whispered.

I could have sworn that i felt a gentle caress on my face but it was gone immediately i turned to get a glimpse at who i was looking at. 

“Who the fuck is there?” i called, looking at the corners of the room but nothing. The room was empty with only me in the room. The heavy presence i had felt earlier suddenly disappearing. 

It felt as though i could finally breathe. 

I looked around, looking at the wall that was right in front of me. 

Should i let it go? Should i go back to sleep? The thoughts flowing through my head were endless. 

Then i gulped. I looked outside seeing that some hours had passed since i had left Darius. 

“would he mind?” i muttered to myself, looking back at the door as though it was going to give me the answers that i needed. 

I stood up, walking to the door. “the worst he could tell me was no” i told myself, trying to not feel anxious. 

I opened the door, the nightly air hitting my face. 

I looked over at his door across the hallway, trying as much as possible to not act as nervous as i felt. 

I closed the door behind me trying my best to tip toe. I froze for a minute, not believing my eyes for a second. 

There, at the other side of the room, Beth tiptoed out of the room, his room. She wiped her face, smiling at herself as though she had done something. 

Rage. 

That was the only way to describe what i felt at the pits of my stomach. 

I marched up to the room, taking deep breaths even when i knew that it was not going to do anything to calm me down at this point. 

I swung the door open, ready to give a piece of my mind to that bastard when i saw him. 

He was just coming out of the bathroom when i opened the door, he looked shocked. 

“you bastard” i sneered, entering the room fully and slamming the door behind me. 

“can i help you?” he blinked, looking at me with wide eyes. 

“really? You are going to the maid now? That’s it? That’s why you wanted a bit of space from me?” he squinted his brows, the look of confusion heavy on his face. 

“what?” 

“don’t you fucking play dumb with me!” i sneered, looking at him with distaste. 

“what the fuck ate you talking about? Look” he started, rushing to get his clothes and throw it on. “I honestly do not have time for all of this, please leave, i don’t want to end up hurting you”

I snorted, taking a sit on one of the chairs. 

“No,  i am not going anywhere” was all i said, not bothering to look at him…