Chapter 13 13: The Fire Works
\[ K A R A \]
I spent the entire night reading and rereading Ryder's notes over and over again. His poems were honest and raw. He wrote so beautifully. I never would have imagined the same mouth that said all those dirty jokes could write such romantic things.
And okay, I don't mean to sound narcissistic, but are these poems written about me? Am I… ‘K’?
Not trying to get a big head or whatever, but my name started with a K. Also, a lot of the things he mentioned in his poems were like they were taken from our daily lives. I wanted to believe that theory, but I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Ryder had said it from day one, he didn’t believe in love and all that crap. This book and his personality was a total contradiction.
Maybe he didn’t write this book? Or maybe he did? What is happening?
For the next few days, I hadn't seen Ryder at all around the house. Things ended somewhat awkwardly at our last encounter, so maybe he was avoiding me. I had been dying to see him though. I wanted to ask him about these letters.
But was I ready to find out the answers? What if he really does have feelings for me? How do I feel about him? Oh come on Kara, it's no secret that you like the guy! Admit it, you never feel more free and alive when you're around him, even though he's a narcissistic man-slut.
Whoa, okay, slow down. Sure, I’d admit that I found Ryder intriguing and attractive. But that didn’t change the fact that he was going to be my stepbrother. I wanted to confront him about these letters only so I could tell him that we needed to squash whatever feeling that was going on between us right to the ground.
We need to figure out a way to exist like a normal family.
I kept wanting to find the time to talk to Ryder about this, but he was always avoiding me. Before I knew it, the July Fourth weekend came along. Mom and Peter were super excited about it. They had set up chairs and decorations in the backyard, and Peter was grilling burgers and hot dogs all day.
As per promised, I invited Gabe over for the barbecue. Mom instantly loved him. She thought he was the sweetest guy ever. She even made him play a song on his guitar and sing for everyone. Any girl watching Gabe sing on his guitar next to the bonfire would swoon, but not me, I was too busy being distracted.
Yup, you know it, I was looking for Ryder.
I knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid me this time because he promised his dad he would be here. I thought this would be the perfect chance for me to set the record straight with him once and for all. And as if right on cue, Ryder walked into the backyard, with Vanessa walking right behind him.
Ugh. He's with her again?
I felt my heart dropped to my stomach, but I tried my best not to let it show. Ryder also saw me, but he straight up looked away, pretending like he didn't even see me at all.
Ryder and Vanessa sat on one of the chairs at the back, away from everyone. Meanwhile, Gabe and I were sitting in the middle, by the fire. I tried my best to listen to Gabe's singing, but I found my eyes wandering towards Ryder again and again.
I need to talk to him. I can’t wait any longer.
I was debating whether or not I should go up to him when I saw Vanessa got up and she sat on Ryder's lap. They were just talking, but suddenly she started kissing him. Ryder had his hands on her back and she had her hands all over him.
Geez. Get a room.
"Kara? Kara?" Gabe's voice pulled me back to reality.
"Oh? Sorry, what?"
"I asked if you want any more soda?"
"Oh, no thanks. I'm good," I shook my head. Gabe followed my gaze and he realized that I was staring at Vanessa and Ryder.
"You know, I still can't believe the dude that hooked up with Maddie is actually your brother," Gabe gave out a wry laugh.
"Step... brother,” I corrected him. “Ha-ha, I know. Talk about a small world," I laughed nervously and glanced over towards Ryder again, who was still very busy with Vanessa.
"Ugh," was my involuntary response.
"I know, right?” Gabe chuckled. “What do girls see in guys like him, seriously,"
"Yeah," I said bitterly, tasting the irony in my mouth. "Um, by the way, Gabe, are you doing okay? I mean about Maddie and all," I tried switching the subject.
"Well, I have to say, watching the girl I had a crush on for the past 4 years hooking up with your stepbrother really sucked, ha-ha. But other than that, I think I'm gonna be okay." He said, giving me a reassuring smile, "You helped a lot," he added.
“Me?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s been great hanging out with you. I had a lot of fun,” he answered. “You really took my mind off of her,”
“I’m glad I could be of use,” I smiled at him. “That’s what friends are for,”
Gabe let out a small smile, and he was about to say something else, but he stopped himself. Meanwhile, my mind was getting distracted again. I glanced back at Ryder, who now had Vanessa’s tongue shoved down his throat.
I can’t take not knowing anymore. I need to talk to him!
I was going to wait until the party was over, but I didn’t think I could wait much longer. I had brought his notebook with me, I hid it in my jacket pocket, and I felt like it was burning my skin.
"Kara? You okay? You look distracted," Gabe commented.
"Yeah, no, totally... um, actually I do need a drink. Can you grab me one?"
"Sure thing," he said as he put down his guitar and walked towards the kitchen.
There’s no time like the present.
I figured there was never going to be the right time to talk about this, so I might as well do it now. Taking a deep breath, I let out a sigh, and started walking towards Ryder and Vanessa.
"Ry, can I talk to you for a moment?" I tried to sound as casual as possible.
The two lovebirds pulled apart for a moment, and Vanessa looked at me from head to toe, eyeing me like a hawk. She gave me an uninterested look and she went back to kissing Ryder's neck.
"Right now?" Ryder replied in annoyance.
"Yes,"
"I'm kind of busy at the moment."
"I know, but, please," I said again. "It's important,"
He sighed and pulled himself away from Vanessa. She didn’t look happy about it, but he told her that he would be right back.
I looked around and there were too many people in the backyard and all around the house, so I asked Ryder to go with me down to the beach instead. Our backyard had these small steps that could lead us to the beach. I figured it would be a safe place for me to conduct my interrogation.
When Ryder and I arrived at the beach, I was glad to find that the place was somewhat deserted tonight. This way, I didn’t have to worry about people listening in on our conversation.
"Do you know how many times you've been cock-blocking me ever since you got here?" Ryder was laughing as he followed me into the beach. He thought this was funny, but I couldn't laugh, my face was dead serious. "So what's this all about?" he said again.
"What is this?" I finally said, taking his notebook out of my jacket pocket.
"Where'd you get that?" his eyes widened in shock.
"I asked you first, Ry, what is this?" I pressed again.
He raked his hair with his hand and sighed, "You're not supposed to see that,"
"Did you write this?"
He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His eyes gave it away.
He did write this.
"Who would have thought that Ryder Jake Williams is a closet poet?" I tried to tease him, but he wasn't amused. His face was dark and serious. "So, who are these for?" I asked again.
Ryder bit his lip, cocked his head to the side, and said, "It's not exactly rocket science isn't it? Come on, you know who they're for," he paused for a second, and then he said, "K."
My breath hitched. I didn't expect him to be so blunt right away.
"Well... you write beautifully..." I mumbled out.
"Thanks. I have a beautiful muse," he smiled.
I didn't know how to respond to that. I swallowed hard.
"Ry... why… didn't you tell me?" I sighed.
"I tried. But I got slapped across the face for it,” he shrugged with a half-smile. “And then you told me to just ignore it because it's just a phase, remember?"
Right. I did that.
"Well, you should have tried harder," the words escaped my lips before my brain had a chance to do anything.
"Would you want me to?" he looked at me intently.
"Y-No. I don't know. Anyway, it doesn't matter Ry. It's still wrong," I shook my head at him.
He looked at me as if he was trying to decipher something. Then he took a step towards me and said, "So wrong."
"In just a month, you'll be my stepbrother," I stated the obvious.
"And you're my stepsister," he took another step.
"My mom will hate me,"
"My dad will kill me,"
"Plus, I don't do hookups,"
"And I don't do relationships,"
"And I'm leaving in two months,"
"And so am I,"
Ryder was standing at only an arm's length away from me now. We looked at each other with a fire burning in our eyes. And suddenly, as if on cue, he grabbed my face and I reached for his head — and we kissed!
All hell broke loose.
I had never felt this kind of wanting before in my life. I wanted him closer and more. I raked my hand through his hair and he tightened his grip on my face. Our bodies swayed back and forth against each other, as if they were molding into one. My heart was beating so fast, at this rate, it might as well jump right out of my body.
Moments later, we finally pulled away because we were all out of breath. A part of me was convinced that this must be a dream, but I knew it wasn't. I was panting breathlessly and Ryder was smirking at me. And before I could say anything else, he leaned closer and laid his forehead onto mine.
Oh, fudgesicles, I'm a goner, aren't I?
And right at that moment, we heard a loud boom. The fireworks were starting.
Boom! Boom! Boom!
It was a beautiful sight, and my heart was pounding as loud as these fireworks. And all the while, all I could think about was Ryder's taste on my lips.
We smiled at each other, with bright red, purple, and yellow lights flashing right by us. Ryder then inched his face towards me again, slightly tilting my chin up as he leaned closer.
How do people breathe again?
"Uh, wait," I muttered and put my hands up to his chest. My stupid brain had to ruin the moment, of course.
But Ryder knew not to stop. Ignoring my hands that were pushing him back, he leaned down anyway and whispered, "Sshh, just enjoy the moment,"
And as if his words were a spell, I closed my eyes, and I let it happen.
There goes the fireworks, there goes my sanity, there goes my heart.
About fifteen minutes later, when the fireworks were over and the sky turned back to black, I knew it was time to step back into reality.
"Okay..." I started off.
"Okay..." he trailed.
"Ry, this isn't right," I stated.
"But it's also not wrong. Technically you're not my sister yet," he smirked.
"Not funny. I'm serious, I mean, what does this mean...?" I said, inviting him to answer.
"I don't know," he replied.
"And we are..."
"I don't know,"
"And our parents..."
"Will never know! About any of this." he insisted. And suddenly, he started laughing.
How can he still think that is funny?
"How are you laughing? This is not funny!" I smacked his arm.
"I'm not laughing because it's funny. I'm laughing because I'm happy," he said as he cupped my cheeks with his hands.
Oh you, smooth mudderfudder.
Smiling reassuringly, he then said, "Don’t worry, we'll figure this out. Later. Let's go back to the house for now. They’re probably looking for us,"
Right. I almost forgot about the party happening back at the house.
I nodded my head and we started back for the house. And as I was about to start walking, Ryder held his hand out to me. I debated against myself, and against all my better judgment, I took his hand.
We made it back to the house, with our hands laced onto one another. But as soon as I saw the crowd of people, I instinctively pulled my hand away. I saw Gabe standing alone by the bonfire, and I imagined he must have been looking for me. Leaving Ryder’s side, I quickly walked over to him.
"Aw, Kara, you just missed the fireworks," Gabe said. "Here, I got your drink,"
"Thanks, sorry, I had to, uh, help Ryder with something,"
Ryder also went back to Vanessa, and then my mom came out of the house with a tray of dessert.
"Where were you guys? You missed the fireworks!" Lacey said with a frown, referring to Ryder and me.
"Oh, just— nowhere, the road — the garage was — broken!" I rambled and mumbled out whatever words I could muster.
The garage was broken? Really, Kara?
Ryder had the audacity to laugh at my nervous rambling.
I sucked. I needed to get better at lying. Good thing no one noticed though. Everyone was too excited for dessert. I shot a glance over at Ryder and he looked right back at me. Smiling a knowing smile, he winked, and I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him.
No one knows this, but we both know we didn't miss the fireworks.
\- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -