Chapter 19 Everything wrong
Alex
By the time I walked back into the café, my mood was already ruined. Although a part of me knew that I’d been unnecessarily harsh, I was still somehow irritated at Cecilia for following me.
The bell above the café door jingled softly as I stepped inside. Warm light and the smell of coffee wrapped around me immediately, but it didn’t calm the mess in my head.
Nancy looked up from behind the counter the second I entered. Or to put it precisely, she jerked away from the window.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Were you eavesdropping?”
Nancy rolled her eyes dramatically. “I was just watching.”
“That’s still eavesdropping.”
“It is not.” she scoffed.
I dropped my backpack beside the counter harder than was necessary.
Nancy crossed her arms while looking directly at my face. “You made her cry.”
I looked away immediately. “You don’t know that.”
“She looked like she was trying not to cry before she got into her car.”
I stayed silent and Nancy sighed softly. “You said something awful, didn’t you?”
“She was stalking me.”
She paused for a minute like she was contemplating. “She must’ve had a reason. She seems like a nice person.”
“You don't know her.” I snorted. She gave me a look and I added. “That still doesn’t make it less weird.”
Nancy leaned against the counter and tilted her head. “You still made her cry.”
I grabbed an apron from underneath the register and tied it around my waist aggressively.
“She followed me for a week.” I grumbled.
“And?”
I glanced at her sharply. “And?”
“Yes, genius. And?”
I stared at her in disbelief. “You’re acting like that’s normal behavior.”
Nancy shrugged casually. “Maybe she likes you.”
I nearly choked. “No.”
Nancy snorted. “Boys really are stupid.”
“She does not like me.” I argued.
She made a teasing sound. “Mhm.”
“She hates me.”
“People who hate each other usually don’t secretly follow each other around.”
I pointed at her accusingly. “You are terrible at giving advice.”
“And you are terrible at feelings.”
I scoffed quietly and grabbed the coffee pot. “Can we not talk about this?”
Nancy ignored me completely. “What exactly did she say to you?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s a lie.”
I rubbed a tired hand down my face. “She said she didn’t know I worked because I needed the money.”
Nancy’s expression softened slightly. “And that upset you?”
“No,” I answered too quickly.
She gave me a look that showed that she didn’t believe me.
I let out a deep sigh. “Maybe.”
Nancy leaned forward against the counter. Her face shifting into that neutral way I hated. “Alex.”
“What?”
“Why does it upset you so much?”
I chuckled. “Seriously?”
“Yes. Seriously.”
I gestured vaguely around the café. “Because look at this place.”
Nancy frowned. “What’s wrong with this place?”
“Nothing,” I muttered. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then explain.”
I stayed quiet for a second. The espresso machine hissed loudly somewhere behind us while customers chatted softly near the windows.
Finally, I spoke. “Everyone at school thinks I’m some rich kid with a perfect life.”
Nancy’s expression shifted slightly. “And?”
“And they already look at me differently enough because of my dad.” I scoffed bitterly. “If they find out I spend every afternoon cleaning tables and making coffee—”
“So what?”
I looked at her sharply. “So what?” I echoed.
“Yes.” She folded her arms. “What’s so terrible about working?”
“Nothing.” I snapped.
“You clearly think there is.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again.
She was right. I hated how small this job made me feel sometimes. Not because the work itself was bad, but because every shift reminded me that my family was falling apart financially while the rest of the world still thought we were okay.
It reminded me that Mom cried quietly at night when she thought nobody heard. That Barry barely tolerated me because he knew we needed the job more than he needed another employee. That my little brother asked why we couldn’t afford the snacks he liked anymore. It reminded me that I was drowning trying to hold everything together.
“You know there’s nothing shameful about trying to help your family, right?” Nancy said.
I looked away immediately. It was easy for her to say. She didn’t spend every day pretending everything was fine. She didn’t know what it felt like to constantly worry about bills and whether your mother was secretly skipping meals again.
“You don’t get it,” I muttered.
“Then help me understand.”
I shook my head. “You can’t.”
She looked visibly angry all of a sudden. “You know what your problem is?”
I groaned quietly. “Here we go.”
“You isolate yourself from everybody.”
“I do not.”
“You absolutely do.” She pointed at me accusingly. “You act like the entire world is against you all the time.”
“That’s dramatic.”
“So are you.”
I scoffed.
Nancy continued anyway. “You push everyone away the second they get too close.”
“That’s not true.”
“It literally is.” She gestured towards the window. “That girl obviously cared enough to follow you around like a lunatic and instead of talking to her normally, you made her cry.”
“She invaded my privacy.”
“And maybe she made a mistake!” Nancy snapped. “God knows you make enough of them.”
That irritated me instantly. “You don’t know anything about her.”
“I know enough.”
“No, you don’t.”
Nancy folded her arms tighter. “You know what I think? I think you’re scared.”
I laughed sharply. “Of Cecilia?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “Of people caring about you.”.
I looked away immediately. “That’s ridiculous.”
She tilted her head sideways. “Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Then why are you so angry all the time?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t even know what to say.
Nancy’s voice softened slightly. “You aren’t alone, Alex. You have people who care about you.”
Something painful tightened in my chest instantly. I looked down at the counter quietly.
Nancy sighed. “But if you keep acting like this, eventually people will stop trying.”
Then Barry’s loud voice echoed from the kitchen. “Are you two done gossiping or should I close the store early for some emotional bonding time?”
Nancy rolled her eyes immediately. I grabbed the tray beside the counter and headed towards the tables before the conversation could continue. Because I didn’t want to think about any of it anymore.
Unfortunately, it was impossible to avoid thinking about anything.
The rest of the shift passed in tense silence. Nancy barely spoke to me outside work related comments.
By the time my shift finally ended, my head felt hot and everything still weighed on my chest.
So instead of driving home, I drove somewhere else. Somewhere quiet, somewhere nobody could bother me.
I drove farther away from the city lights until buildings slowly disappeared behind trees and open land.
Eventually, I pulled into the familiar clearing near the lake. The place was hidden behind a small hiking trail most people ignored. I found it years ago back when things were still good, before everything became complicated.
Back then, my family used to hike near here sometimes. Now I came alone whenever I needed go clearh head.
I got out of the car slowly and walked toward the lake. The air smelled cold and clean. Crickets chirped softly somewhere in the distance. It was peaceful here. Still, my heart was anything but peaceful.
I sat on the old wooden dock near the edge of the water and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.
For the first time all day, I breathed properly.
The tension in my chest loosened slightly while cool wind brushed against my face.
But unfortunately, that didn’t stop the thoughts. Everything came rushing back to me.
Nancy’s voice. ‘You push everyone away.’
Cecilia’s voice. ‘Why were you nice to me?’
I clenched my jaw tightly. What the hell was I even doing anymore?