Chapter 93.

**Sofia's POV.

**

Me : Benjamin I would be so happy if you died. The way I hate is worse than I hated Martin and you know it. I wouldn't even cry if your dead body was to be send to me. I would actually celebrate an evil person like you for leaving this world.

I regret sending the message. I hit the send button by mistake. I wanted to send another message to tell him it was a wrong message but I saw him already typing so I waited to read his message,

Benjamin : You don't mean it.

I read his message and I can't believe after everything he would send me something like that. Why did he have to break my heart and why do I still love him.

Me : I really mean it Benjamin.

I didn't care if I was harsh or anything because he made me like this. I love him and I hate the fact I'm still in love with a man like him.

Benjamin : Take care of our children then, and don't forget to tell them I loved them more than anything. Goodbye love!

His message was the craziest thing I had to ever read. What the hell is he up to?

Me : What? What changed you?

Me : Benjamin I don't understand anything you send!

Me : Benjamin what are you up to?

Me : Hello.

Me : Benjamin are leaving my kids? Elijah and Emily would never forgive me, please don't leave because of me.

Me : Helloooooo!!!!!

After sending him so many message I finally swallowed my pride and called him but he wasn't picking up. His phone was off so I panicked and called Charlotte.

"Hey girl, it's past midnight for y'all why aren't you sleeping?" Charlotte asked answering the call.

"It's Benjamin. He is not answering my calls, Charlotte do you think his suicidal?" I asked and she laughed talking to Adrian at the back.

"I didn't know you and him still talk but because I know you still love him I'll call him on my other phone just give me a second." I waited for her and started taking screenshots of the messages between Benjamin and I. "His not answering. His probably sleeping."Charlotte said annoyed.

"I asked you a question Charlotte. Is your brother suicidal?" I repeated.

"Of course not, I mean he wanted to when our mother was dying but he promised her he would never kill himself because of her---."

"Read the screenshots I send you." I told her and waited for a minute.

"Why are you so harsh Sofia. Benjamin promised my mother he would never commit suicide because of her but I don't know---." I hung up and started dialing Jay's number.

"My beautiful sister in--."

"Jay, Benjamin is thinking of killing himself." I said panicking and running downstairs.

"I know you so in love with Benjamin but don't worry he made a plan to come back to you." Jay replied.

"You don't understand Jay. Benjamin is capable of suicide, he told me himself when we were together. Please Jay you have to find him. I can't lose him like that." I shouted hanging up. I quickly ran out of the house and locked the door.

_flashback_ third person's POV.

"Why are you so excited?" Benjamin asked pulling Sofia to his lap.

"I'm not. I was just thinking about how happy Elijah is for having both his parents with him." Sofia replied.

"I think I should leave for a day to see you cry for me." Benjamin said and Sofia hit him.

"You want to break up with me?" He nod smiling. "I wouldn't actually cry, I would party like there's no tomorrow and maybe even get a new boyfriend with no short temper the next day." Sofia lied.

"You love me that little?" Sofia smile nodding her head, she knew that Benjamin knew she was lying. "Well if you were to ever break up with me I would sleep around---." Sofia smacked him and he laughed. "I'll be honest now. If you were to leave me than I would probably die."

"As if you love me that much." Sofia replied rolling her eyes.

"Who can give me a better se*--." She hit him and he smile. "Sorry but really If you ever left me for another man or hated me or if I ever cheated on you than I would kill myself because I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Sofia, life is short I know but I would never be the same again if you left me so killing myself would be the best idea for me unlike you who is going to party."

"Benjamin, no." Sofia shouted hugging him. "Please don't kill yourself because of me. I love you so much to ever leave you do hate you. You my world." She cried.

"I'm sorry I'm not like you Sofia." Benjamin said faking a smile. "If I was to commit suicide what would you do?

"How would you commit suicide?" Sofia asked avoiding his question because She didn't have an answer for his question.

"Knives and guns are not my thing because I hate blood which is the only reason I didn't study a doctor." Benjamin uttered. "I really never thought of suicide after my mother's death but if I was to commit suicide I would throw myself out of a building at least I will experience how the ants Elijah throw out of the window feel." He started laughing but his words scared Sofia.

"Benjamin I would never forgive you. I prefer you alive than you killing yourself because of me." Sofia told him. "Now promise me you would never commit suicide and leave Elijah and I alone in this world."

"Sofia---."

"Mommy look." Elijah came running and she quickly got off Benjamin's lap. "Why was mommy hurting daddy?" Elijah asked looking at Sofia angry and Benjamin started laughing.

"Elijah, your mother is heavier than she looks." Benjamin said and Elijah shook his head angry.

"You didn't promise me?" Sofia whispered to Benjamin and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I can't promise you when I know I won't be able to keep that promise. But I'll tell you something, love me and you'll never get to see that happen." Sofia rolled her eyes at his words and went to the kitchen. To him suicide was never the plan after losing his mother but he definitely wanted to see her reaction.

"You didn't say you love me so that means you want to see--."

"No." Sofia snapped shaking her head. "Benjamin I love you so much to even think of leaving you. Don't ever do it please, you scare me when you talk about stuff like that." She hugged Benjamin.

"Death is the opposite of life Sofia, we will die someday." Benjamin said and she shook her head because she always believed death is part of life - not the opposite.

. . . .

I didn't know where I was going, all I know was I was running. Running in the street as tears streamed down my face. Why did he have to do it? Why did he have to do it to me. I love him but he chose to not love me.

I ran and ran, my legs wanted to give up but I don't care if I die with him this night. I don't even care if I live anymore because if he dies, I know I'll die with him. Whether I'm dead or alive it will be the same because if Benjamin dies than I would never forgive myself.

I know people say being suicide is cowardly but it's not. It's us, who they love - who they care about that makes them do it. They think killing themselves will make us happy and we don't even try to stop them. Sometimes we try to stop them but we too late.

I ran down the streets, forgetting the fact I'm pregnant and it's raining. I didn't even know I wasn't wearing shoes because all I could think about was Benjamin. The thought of the love of my life lying somewhere helpless came to my mind and I couldn't stop crying while I ran.

It was very dark, past midnight and I could hardly see where I was running to, all I knew was I couldn't just sit at home and pray. I wanted to save the love of my life even if I die trying. I was running when the car came out of nowhere, I couldn't move. I was too shock at the car and Anna's words came back to my mind.

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