Chapter Fifty-Seven-3

I freeze. There it is again. I peer over, seeing if anyone heard it. Lee stands by my side, his eyebrows furrowed, holding back anger as he orders more guards and tighter security to keep from press leaking anything and safe guides to people like Mark or Candy who should be arriving soon. He didn't hear. Wait a minute, why do I care if he heard? I push my thoughts down. "Thank you for everything," I respond, feeling myself squeeze inwardly. I should say I love him back. But it's not good timing. Plus, I should say it with a clear head. The elevator dings to my mother's floor. "I have to go. Keep me updated. I will be waiting here for you." Daniel, unbothered by my lack of the three words, replies with ease. "No problem. You're stronger than you think, Ivory. Remember who you are." We end the call, the air suddenly feeling heavier and heavier. I begin to get the tight feeling in my chest again, sweat threatening to overwhelm my palms and forehead. A hand wraps around my shoulders and rests on my left shoulder. Lee holds me up, his eyes fierce and piercing into mine. "Listen to me, Ivory. You don't have to do this. If you need more time, take it. If at any point, you feel like you can't handle it, that's all right. Let me know, okay? This is all about you. Your say. One word, and we're out." I nod, pressing my eyes shut for a second. I take a breath, opening my eyes again. "Thank you." Unconsciously, maybe out of habit, he presses his hand to my cheek. "Brent is being flown in my private jet right now. He should be here in a couple hours. Mark is also a minute or two away. My agents have located Candace—Candy—at Grand Central. We're escorting her by car. I have cars on stand in case you wish to welcome any of your college friends, though some of them are out of state. I have also just sent a helicopter for Daniel. Everyone you love will be here to support you. I will make sure of it." I remove his hand from my cheek, bringing it to my lips. I kiss it with the remaining energy I have in me, resulting in a feather of a kiss in the palm of his hands. "You have already done so." Lee's eyes soften, his eyes almost darkening in thought, as if he's lost in a memory or idea of something. His mouth opens, breath shaky. His eyes look courageous and a small sounds releases from his lips but he shuts his mouth tightly before he can say anything. He blinks, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. He pulls his hand away. "Let's get you to the room." I nod, finding myself upset more than I was for some reason. I turn, forgetting what just happening and reeling myself in for what I am going to have to see. Madam Jin ends her call, stepping forward. "Ready?" "Ready," I announce, feeling anything but. We begin to walk together down the hallway I know too well. We stand out, me in my maroon gown and Lee in his jet black suit. Madam Jin always stands out, oozing the 1% vibe that every citizen wishes to be. Some people waiting around in chairs stare openly. I wonder what they are here for. Maybe their wives just gave birth. Maybe they have a broken ankle. Or maybe they are just like me, trying to grasp at anything to teach me how to hold onto life. A phone vibrates. Lee pauses, answering immediately. "Penny," he greets. I wince only a bit before my heart begins to pulse rapidly as I see the turn that leads to Mom's room. Madam Jin and I wait, looking at Lee. He nudges with his nose and says, "Go on. I'll catch up in a minute." For some reason, I feel emptier and weaker when Madam Jin and I continue with his absence. However, I reel it in and ground myself to be strong. I remember Daniel's words. I recall Lee's words. I am strong. Everyone will be here soon so after I have my heart ripped out, I can at least lean on some of my closest friends. I take long, deep breaths, counting backwards from 30 as I approach Mom's room. A203. The number haunts me to come in. The same room where I have been in as milestones in my life occurred without my mother, pieces I wished to share as I went into this room. Though unresponsive, this room always held my alive mother. To think that once I open the door, everything would be different made me shake. I held my shaking fist tight. Madam Jin's eyebrows join together in confusion, immediately calling someone before being sent to voicemail. "Jerry, I don't know where you or your team are right now. I do not care what security we have downstairs if we don't have anyone up here at the door. Get people up here, ASAP." The night feels like an ongoing compilation of commanding calls, organizing how I am going to handle my disheveled life, and constant anxiety as I get closer and closer to physically seeing the truth. Everyone seems stressed from Lee to Madam Jin. I want my brother more than anyone else in this second. I wouldn't want to walk in without him. I consider waiting, but realize that Mom has been my responsibility for a while and I am mature enough to handle this. I was raised well. "I'm ready," I tell Madam Jin, looking over at her with the only smile I can muster, which probably looks more scary than an attempted act of strength. She nods, one hand holding mine and another opening the door. Inside, there is a dead body. A gasp escapes me as it does Madam Jin. I feel my heart seize, my breathing turn irregular. There are several dead bodies. Two men in suits lie on the ground next to the door, their blood spilling and staining the white marble floors. Their faces will give me nightmares for months, expressions of agony, shock, and unfinished screams. "Jerry," I hear Madam Jin choke out as she locates her head of security on the ground, bleeding out and long gone. Looking up, my eyes connect to a pair too much like my own. My father. At this point, I feel like throwing up. Everything is happening too fast in too high of magnitudes. What the hell is going on? I can barely think or process anything straight. Madam Jin begins to make a haunting noise, somewhere between squealing and crying and shock. Her hands are shaking, covering her mouth as if to control the sounds escaping her mouth. Already, tears are all over her face. Am I crying? I can't tell. "Nate," she breathes out in a whisper, her voice in disbelief and terror as she calls out my father's name. My eyes see him but I can't register my father as a living, standing human in front of me. He looks familiar and foreign all at once. And scared. He stands next to the bed, where I barely have the time to peek at my mother. Something else is demanding my attention more in the moment. There is a gun pressed to the temple of my father's head.