Chapter Fifty-Four-2

Suddenly, I'm pressed to the wall and he's the one yelling at me as he swiftly shifts our positions. His hands are pressed up by my head on the wall as if he's leaning on the wall to keep his anger in check. "Can you blame me, Ivory? My entire life, people have always needed me for something, but never needed me—just me. My money, status, fame, whatever. You were different but of course, I'm going to have doubts. I'm human! I was just basing it off the facts and how I've lived for all my life. You were the one person in the world I told all my secrets to. It didn't make sense to me either and it still doesn't! I wasn't trying to hurt you." My vision begins to fog as tears well up and stream down my face. "It's a little too late for that." His expression falters as he sees tears running down my face. A look of pain spreads across his face. I feel his arms tightening and curling into fists. He looks down, sighs, and then straightens up, pulling his hands away from the sides of my head. I think he'll move away, but he doesn't. He presses his hand on my cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears. "Consider us even then." I don't like the resigned look on his face. The sad, blue eyes. "I've hurt you immensely by not trusting you...and you've moved on from me as if I was nothing." "Lee—" He pulls away and before I can blink, he's out of the room and a bunch of doctors rush in with Daniel shortly behind them. How can his touch be so gentle but his words so harsh? I quickly wipe away any remaining tears and straighten up myself, putting on a brave face as I listen to the doctors. My mind is still lingering on what just happened. But I need to focus. This is my mother. Lee can wait, no matter how distracting he can be. How did it get like this? I knew we wouldn't work out, probably straight from the beginning. And when Penny got pregnant and rumors were flying, it wasn't hard to realize we were going to have to end whatever we had. But there was still some sort of tiny hope in me. It would somehow get fixed. His company, his lifestyle, his reputation—it wouldn't matter. Because we loved each other. And it would be enough. I never would have imagined this. I never would have imagined his past almost getting leaked. I never could've seen my mother being in a coma. Madam Jin's story about my mother and who I supposedly was. I never would've imagined that the only pair of arms I'd be enclosed in would be Daniel's. Everything feels like it's going wrong. I know I'm lucky in many ways—at least Mom's not dead. Daniel is one of the sweetest guys ever. Madam Jin isn't some evil tycoon that could've just taken my mother away. I'm lucky in many ways. But why do I feel like...I did something wrong? Lee's the one getting engaged to someone. He's the one who's "moving on". He's back at the top of the market, stocks reigning. Once again, he's exactly where he's always been—at the top, with everything he could ever want. He's the one who truly ended us. I know I'm being whiny and selfish. I just want to blame it all on him, like it's his fault. But really, it was all doomed from the start. We were too different. Both of us are unhappy right now no matter how it looks. But I loved him. I really, really, really, loved him. I really did. I still do. And it just hurts. And I can't get over it. I thought I did. A few weeks later, the doctors tell me my mother is not getting any better. That I should begin to look at Plan B. They didn't want to surgically clip the brain aneurysm since it isn't as safe as embolization, and definitely did not want to do it when I was states away in Boston. For that, I'm grateful. However, embolization isn't one hundred percent perfect and can lead to future ruptures. Since then, Mom's aneurysm has bled twice, the doctors say. Excessive bleeding can lead to disabilities or death. It doesn't look too good, they tell me. It took me a three-hour phone call to convince Brent not to fly over here. He can't risk his grades slipping or his football scholarship. Exams are coming up and I can study and make sure Mom is okay. That's what I told him anyway. What do I do when I can't make sure Mom is okay? Daniel is always at my side. After school, between classes, in the mornings—he's always bringing me a coffee or getting notes from some class. He slips in during visiting hours and makes sure I'm getting sleep. He doesn't mention the Lee incident, only that it was strange Lee left so abruptly. I lied and said he had business to attend to. I haven't mentioned or thought of Lee since then. Another lie. Madam Jin had rushed to the hospital shortly after I did the day after Thanksgiving. She's gotten international doctors to look at my mother, anyone with good credits. They all say the same thing that Mom's normal doctors do. Madam Jin looks more defeated than I am. If what she says is real, it would be that she found her daughter-in-law just to watch her slowly deteriorate. My entire life makes me want to crawl up in a hole and wake up from this terrible nightmare. I throw myself into my school work, going out of my way to stay up late to do assignments due in the far future. Anything to distract myself. Madam Jin offers to pay for some of my tuition and medical bills. For a long time, I'm strictly against it. It would be cruel if I did that. We might not even be related—it could all be a misunderstanding. But I am drowning in responsibilities and one day, I agree. Can you blame me? Tuition is stressful and expensive. I'm sitting on the sofa in Mom's hospital room. I'm almost never at the dorm anymore. Giselle, being the best roommate ever, frequently visits me and brings me food from our favorite Indian place. Sometimes, she drags me out on Saturday nights, claiming I need to relax. She's also created a group message including herself, Daniel, Tanner, Jess, and Suzy. I'm so grateful that I've finally found such a supportive group of friends who constantly message me to stay strong and that they're there for me, even when I'm almost never there in general. Bing! I put down the book for my english class and check my phone from a message from the group. Yo, let's hit up some place tonight! The tongue-out emoji follows right behind Tanner's text. Can't. I have work at the firm, Giselle texts back. She wants to be a lawyer and works as a temp at some law firm downtown. She doesn't get to do much but she claims the experience is all she wants. Meanwhile, I have no idea what or where to go into. Every time I think about it, my mind thinks in circles and it only makes me even more lost and confused than before. It seems as if everyone else seems to be getting their lives together. Now that high school is over, everyone is falling into their places. Even Peter—who called the other day! Karen seems to be going into fashion based off her posts on instagram lately and Candy's been determined to go into medical since she could breathe. It's just me who's lost. I know more than half the student body is confused too...but it still just sucks. The door handle begins to shake as a shadow looms over the blurred window. My eyes shoot to Mom who appears as she always does with her eyes peacefully closed and monitors surrounding her. I can feel my heart start to race and I grab a pencil nearby. As if that could be a strong weapon. "Oh, good afternoon, Ivory." It's Madam Jin. I sigh, relief flooding through my chest. I loosen my grip on the pencil and eventually let go, my hand going to my chest to feel my pulse. What am I doing? It's a hospital. There is security. I've been so one edge lately—about everything. "Why, you've never looked so happy to see me," she comments, setting down her coffee and yet another bouquet of flowers. She unwraps the flowers and changes the day old flowers from the vases in the room. She does this everyday as if the fresh flowers will stimulate my mother to wake up.