Chapter 230 SURVIVAL.
KAI’S POINT OF VIEW.
The sound of the heavy, magnetic lock of the operating door clicking into place was like a guillotine dropping on my neck. The silence that followed was worse than the screaming, worse than the gunfire, worse than the silence that followed anytime she left me all alone to the rats in that shed in Spain. It was the silence of a world where I no longer had her hand in mine.
I went limp for a fraction of a second, and the doctors' grips loosened, because they thought they’d finally subdued me. That was their mistake. I twisted, using my shoulder to shove the lead physician back, my boots skidding on the floor as I lunged for the door handle. However, just before I could reach it, I heard Silas.
"Kai! Enough!" My father’s roar echoed through the hall, the full weight of him pinning me against the wall, and finally brought me to his world. He pinned my chest with his forearm, his eyes burning into mine, not with anger I expected, but with a reflection of the same raw trauma we both carried.
"They are doing their job. They’re doing their best to keep her safe and bring her stable, Kai!" he hissed, his face inches from mine. "You know as well as I do that operating rooms are meant to be contained, so the people who go in there have been properly cleaned to avoid any infections. If you go in there, you bring the bacteria from that hospital or whatever it's called. You go there in this feral state, you’d bring the filth from the place Marloise has taken you back to, from seeing her again today after we thought she died. Do you want to kill her with an infection because you couldn't sit still for ten minutes? Do you want to distract the doctors from doing their jobs because you’re paranoid?"
The air left my lungs in a painful, broken wheeze. I looked down at my hands stained with my mother's blood, the memory of how she looked… nothing like the woman I once loved, then feared, and then loathed in my childhood. I stared at Silas, and for the first time in forever, I let the tears loose in front of him. I sobbed, my hands covering my face, muffling the sound. A sense of crushing terror enveloped me; the guilt of being responsible for Aurora’s current state ate at me.
If I had not been born, if Marloise had let me be, this would never have happened….I would be somewhere in heaven, and Aurora would have a normal life. She would never have to see the monster that birthed me. It’s all my fault.
I sank to the floor, my back scraping against the cold white paint. I wiped my tears, but it only made room for more.
"I can't lose her, Dad," I whispered, the words sounding like they were being torn out of my throat by a hook. "If she doesn't come out of those doors... I swear, I’m going to go with her….I don’t want a world she doesn’t exist in.”
Everleigh moved toward me, her heels clicking softly on the tile. She didn't look like the untouchable matriarch anymore. She sat on the bench across from me, her eyes fixed on the "Operating" light above the door.
"She’s my daughter, Kai," she said, her voice trembling but steady and somewhat strong. "We don't die in basements. We don't die for the amusement of monsters, something she and I have had our fair share of. Something you and your father have also suffered. But I want you to understand, this isn’t your fault.” I stared at her, a shuddering breath rushing out of me. She smiled, a knowing expression on her lips.
She nodded softly, probably sensing that I felt guilty. “My daughter loves you, Kai, and she’s fighting for you. The least you can do now is stay sane for her. Stay sane so when she gets out of there, she can see the Kai she loves returned to her. And then we can focus on what to do after."