Chapter 47 - Old Friend

It was early in the morning when I decided to go out for a while. My anxiety seemed to be getting worse, as was my withdrawal. The last thing I needed to complete my circus of shit was to get drunk. Honestly, there was very little left. So much was happening that it was as if I couldn't have a single hour of peace. What could I do? There was only one answer in my mind: smoke.

I took my car and went to the places I knew I'd find good weed. Of course, I had some in my apartment, but it wasn't the best, and it would be good not to have a stockpile; after all, I would never know when something might go wrong. The last thing I needed was to get arrested. Not really.

As I drove, I thought about pregnant Amelie. Would she really keep the pregnancy? I didn't know if it was a good time to have children, but if she decided it was, I would be her support. I had plans to ask her to marry me, but given how recently we'd been dating, it might not have been a good idea. Likewise, I didn't want her to think I was rushing things, or that I was only doing it for the baby. Besides, I needed to remember that, even though the child wasn't mine, I, as someone on Amelie's side, would also be responsible. The idea haunted me since my experience was pretty negative when it came to family matters. In any case, if I had the choice, I would want her to keep the pregnancy. I would support her in any way.

With Carbon knowing everything, and EVE saying that he seemed to like the idea, the idea of imagining that in nine months we would have a new life began to bubble up in my head. It seemed even more real. Our lives would no longer revolve around Amelie and her complex issues with EVE and her experiences working at Lowe's and OWE but would become focused on preparing for a baby. What if it wasn't mine? EVE had a lot of sex with Carbon and Axel, and although Amelie and I were in a very active cycle, in my mind, there was more chance of them being the father. Maybe I was high before I even smoked anything.

"Dorian, we see you quite often," one of the junkies said when I parked the car and got out. His name was Tobb, and he used to hang out on the streets more than anywhere else. The same went for his group, which was always filthy. They seemed to be passing themselves off as beggars every time I saw them. "Trouble?" he asked me, offering me a cigarette.

"Trouble could be my middle name," I replied, accepting the herb and taking a few puffs, strong enough to make me cough a little. Tobb laughed.

"Possibly we should call you Dorian 'Trouble' then," Tobb joked, lighting his own cigarette and passing it to one of his companions. They were standing around a garbage can as if it were their own makeshift table. It was super common to see that kind of group at that time of day. When I was a teenager, I thought it was amazing and super cool to be part of it. Now, it was just a way of escaping reality. It was a reality that was to blame.

"That wouldn't be a bad idea," I muttered, feeling the soft warmth of the smoke mingle with the chilly early morning air. The sensation of smoking positively consumed me. Occasionally, I wondered how something as good as that could be bad for me.

Tobb took a deep drag and looked at me with a piercing gaze. "So, what brought you here tonight, apart from your chronic insomnia and tumultuous thoughts?" he asked, trying to philosophize, completely stoned, just like a traditional junkie who didn't do anything relevant apart from smoke all day.

I shook my head, letting out a weak laugh. "Ah, you know how it is. Life, or at least my version of it, is always complicated. I just needed some time away from everything. The store's fine, the club's the same, and the problems are the same, just with a simple addition of extra problems," I said, almost laughing. The breeze seemed to be almost upon me.

His dark eyes shone with a mixture of understanding and curiosity. Tobb always had this way of seeming to understand more than he was saying. It was as if he saw beyond the words, capturing the feelings I tried to hide, or at least that's what everyone thought he did. Considering that everyone who interacted with him was as dopey as he was, I couldn't say how trustworthy the things he said were.

"I understand," he said simply, shrugging. "Sometimes you require a little escape, even if it's just for a few moments. Here you'll always find something to take you away from reality," he said as he walked.

There was a brief silence between us as we inhaled the smoke and let our thoughts wander through the night air. It was comforting to be there, surrounded by the familiarity of friends, even if they were those that society labeled as outcasts, like me, in the past or perhaps in the present. Finally, breaking the silence, Tobb changed the subject. "What about Amelie? Are you still interested in her? Have you made a move? Tell me," he asked.

I nodded, the tension returning to my body as I thought about Amelie and the life we were starting to build together. "Dude, we're dating now. She's pregnant," I said, still wondering whether I should talk about it with someone who wasn't directly involved. Tobb's eyes widened slightly, surprised by the revelation. "Pregnant, huh? Wow."

"Yeah," I agreed, feeling a lump forming in my throat. "We're dealing with it... together, I mean, there's a lot more to it. Just know that it's a huge mess, because, you know, we have EVE." He nodded in understanding, without asking any more questions. It wasn't necessary. Tobb understood that certain things didn't need words to be understood. Sometimes the mere presence of someone was enough. Tobb also knew a little about our daily routine, about the store, the club, and the existence of EVE.

As we continued to share a cigarette and exchange a few loose words, I realized that, even in the darkness of the early morning, there was a spark of hope shining within me. Perhaps, with the help of friends like Tobb, I could find my way through the challenges that lay ahead.

As the dawn progressed, the hours seemed to stretch out at a lazy pace, as if time were struggling to keep up with the density of our thoughts. I didn't even know what to think anymore, as I was completely stoned, exactly what I was expecting when I went there.

"So, Dorian, what do you intend to do now?" asked Tobb, breaking the contemplative silence that had settled between us. I thought about that question as I let my thoughts dance through the evening mist.

"I'm not sure," I finally admitted. "I don't know if I'm ready to be a father, but if Amelie decides she is, then there's not much I can do," I said. I was really thinking of leaving the final decision up to her; after all, it really was her decision, and from the circumstances of the other parties concerned, everything was moving towards the conclusion of the pregnancy.

Tobb nodded as if agreeing with a universal truth that he had discovered a long time ago. "Sometimes facing reality is the first step to finding inner peace," he said, his voice echoing with simple but profound wisdom, again like a good philosophical junkie. I knew Tobb was right. I couldn't go on avoiding the challenges that life had placed before me. It was time to face them head-on, with courage and determination.

"You're right," I murmured, feeling a new determination ignite inside me. "It's time for me to stop running away and start facing things head-on. Amelie, the baby, everything.

Tobb smiled a sincere smile that lit up his tired face. "You're stronger than you think, Dorian. Always remember that."

The night breeze gently caressed my hair as I absorbed Tobb's words. It was as if the universe was whispering its truths through that dark night, and I was finally starting to listen. I think even I was becoming a philosophical junkie.

"Thank you, Tobb," I murmured, feeling a comforting warmth spread through my chest. "I really appreciate your words," I said. Maybe I'd go so far as to hug him, telling him how happy I was to have him in my life, just like in traditional movies. I wasn't even sure what I was smoking, but it was good.

He just nodded, his wrinkled face expressing serenity. "You always know where to find me, buddy," he said sincerely as he patted me on the shoulder. "At least, as long as the drugs don't kill me, or I don't get arrested, I'll be here," he said, laughing. I laughed too. It was easy to forget that there were other people around me.

As I looked up at the starry sky, a sense of determination began to form inside me. No matter how complicated life might seem, I had people who needed me. Amelie was by my side, facing the same challenges and uncertainties. And now, with the news of her pregnancy, we had a new reason to come together—a new life to protect and nurture. Even if I wasn't the father, I would still try to be. However, what worried me most was the fact that I was getting worse every day. Now, more than ever, I needed to give up all that marginal life.

"I need to go home," I said to Tobb, feeling a sudden urge to sort out my life. He nodded, understanding my decision. I said goodbye to him and the others and finally made my way to the car, trying not to stagger too much. Normally, drinks don't get me down to the point where I can't drive, and I hoped that would be the case. I got into the car, put the key in, and took a deep breath, hoping to calm down and waiting for the world to stop spinning. I splashed some water on my face, and it soothed me. Finally, I drove off, with my course in mind. As I drove through the silent streets of the sleeping city, my mind was filled with thoughts of the future. I didn't know what fate had in store for us, but one thing was certain: I would be exactly who Amelie wanted me to be. Whenever I made her happy, I was happy too. That was enough for me.

I arrived at Amelie's apartment and opened the door since I had a copy of the key. I found her sleeping peacefully, her soft breathing filling the room with a sense of tranquility. Looking at her, I felt a wave of gratitude flood my heart. Carefully, I lay down next to her, wrapping her in my protective arms. As I snuggled up next to her, I felt a sense of peace and contentment envelop me, and before I knew it, I had my hands on her belly, imagining what it would be like in a few months.

I hoped she wouldn't be angry with me when she woke up and saw me in her bed. I wasn't in the habit of doing anything without telling her. Anyway, it was too late now, I was already there.

The next day, to my surprise, I had woken up before her, so I thought I'd make her a good breakfast. Maybe she'd feel less worried if she woke up to a nice welcome. After all, nothing was better than waking up to delicious pancakes.