Chapter 35 - EVE

When I was in the car with Axel, I wanted to vent, but I didn't. Part of me wanted to confirm that he wouldn't leave me, but I wouldn't give that taste of victory to Dr. Hans. Part of me wanted to confirm that he wouldn't leave me, but I wouldn't give Dr. Hans that taste of victory. "Take me home," I ordered as I got into the car, still furious.

"How's the body?" he asked me, remembering the night with Carbon. Would that subject never end? I couldn't wait to get out of here or get to work. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't swap with Amelie, so all I could do was wait for time to pass.

"Do you mind?" I asked, being rude, because I knew he was still judging me from the night before. "You don't have to pretend to care about me, Axel. Did you ask Amelie about the pain?" I wanted to know. He said yes and that he was very worried about our bodies.

"Why are you so angry? Did something happen in therapy?" he asked. So I answered the bare minimum. I knew he didn't care much about the therapy sessions, but it was unusual to see me angry the way I was, so I couldn't blame him for being curious.

The rest of the journey went as normal. Axel didn't insist that I say anything, and he didn't say much. He seemed to be deep in thought, and that made me wonder if it had something to do with me. I began to think that perhaps I had been too hard on him the day before. The truth was that after the sex with Carbon, I wasn't thinking straight because I hadn't really expected him to do well. It was an excellent surprise. All my brain could think about was that, and I had to admit that I didn't care about Axel or even Amelie. I just wanted all that pleasure and all that experience. Maybe, just maybe, the doctor was right.

When I got to my apartment, I went to lie down on the sofa. Axel called Dorian and told him that Amelie was asleep and that I was the one there. He also said that we wouldn't be going back to Lowe's and that we'd only see each other at OWE. Then he hung up and went to sit with me on the sofa. To my surprise, he started massaging my back. He did that sometimes. It was unusual. Was it really possible that my latest actions and decisions had caused such a collapse? "You're not really in pain?" he asked me.

"So that was just a pretext for asking, again?" I said. I looked at Axel. "I'm fine. Apparently, I've almost fully recovered, although I don't mind too much if you ask me," I said. I was determined not to apologize for something I didn't regret. "About yesterday, I wanted to say that maybe I crossed the line, but I don't regret it."

"I'm happy with your sincerity," he said. "It's because you're you that I fell in love with you," he said. Although I didn't know it or wanted to show any emotion about it, I was very happy inside. After all, Axel still liked me. Of course, he wouldn't leave me. "Anyway, EVE," he said more seriously, still maintaining the massage. "I hope you'll be a bit more responsible from now on. I don't want to have that conversation again," he said.

"Is that a roundabout way of telling me not to hang out with Carbon anymore?" I asked. Maybe I was putting him against the wall, but it was good that I knew how far I could go. I hadn't expected Axel to be jealous, but given the events of the last few hours, I couldn't say anything myself.

"I've never forbidden you anything, ever," he said. "I've always been aware of your true interests, but I can't stop who you are and what you like to do. It would be very selfish and toxic of me if I banned you from something good for you. In fact, I want you to be happy. Besides, we're nothing, so I don't even have a say. All I want is for you to be more responsible and think a little before you act. Of course, this has to do with Amelie too," he said. I hadn't expected him to blurt it out like that, but at least I had further confirmation that he would be there for me. It was a relief. Whatever Dr. Hans thought, he was wrong.

"You're perfect, Axel. I wish I could match everything about you," I confessed. Although I wasn't who Axel wanted me to be, I wished I was. The problem was that my wish was ridiculously small compared to the desire to keep things going the way they already were. In fact, I couldn't imagine a different reality any time soon.

"I understand, EVE," he said, increasing the intensity of the massage as if he wanted something out of it. "But answer me this: do you want to see Carbon again?" he asked. I didn't understand the reason for the question, since for me, it was beyond obvious that I wanted to. I was hoping that he would show up at OWE so that we could have a second round. "No, don't answer me," he said, immediately regretting it. "I don't think I want to know."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Axel, but I think you do know the answer," I said. "In any case, not everything changes," I said, turning to him and stopping the massage. "I still enjoy the moments with you. So, if you allow me..." I said, moving closer. Axel didn't stop me. Although I knew he wouldn't, a part of me believed that perhaps he would refuse. Maybe he was confused about some things. It was a possibility.

Axel held me tight and started the kiss. Unlike Carbon, there was something about Axel that was superior to him. Axel had sex with me by exposing all his feelings. For Axel, the only thing that separated us was my denial of his proposal. Carbon, on the other hand, seemed to focus only on carnal pleasure and didn't care about gestures. Although I didn't care at the time, after I thought it over and remembered the moments with Axel, I realized how good it felt that way.

Of course, I didn't refuse his kiss. In fact, ever since I'd gotten into the car, I'd been craving it. I wanted to kiss him and have sex with him. If he wanted to, I was ready. There was no pain or burning to stop me. "I'll always let you, EVE," he said. Axel was really very special. I felt like beating myself up and blaming myself for not accepting all the love he was offering me. What if I decided to give serious commitment a chance? Would I really regret it and miss life in OWE as much as I thought I would?

The sofa didn't have enough room for what we wanted. Without thinking too much, I lay down on the floor and felt Axel's tongue. He liked to start with oral, and I loved it when he waited for me to almost orgasm and then stopped to start another stage. That kind of attitude made me think that no other man made the effort to do anything other than meet the standard. Axel cared about my pleasure, but the worst part was that I could almost say that Carbon did too. There was also no doubt that Dorian would be like that with Amelie. In the end, there was no way to separate everything and stop comparing. "I love how much you care," I said, practically moaning.

"You have no idea," he replied in a few seconds, before getting back to the act. Axel's gaze was so narrow that it gave off a sexy air of seriousness as if he were some kind of villain.

"Then let me know," I replied, moaning as his tongue tasted me. He cared, and how he cared. Carbon wasn't half the man Axel was. He was good in bed, that was true, but he wasn't everything. Axel was everything. "Make me yours," I said, closing my eyes, and waiting for the pleasure to consume me completely. "Make me want you," I moaned.

"I already have," he said, giving me that look. And then I came.

Minutes later, as we showered together, there was a second round, and then a third. I felt as if I'd already had a whole night of clients at the club. I even considered a day off, but something told me I'd better show up. So we left for OWeLL's. On the way, I felt strange several times, as if I was going to swap with Amelie. It didn't feel right. I always took care of the evenings, and Amelie hated all contact with the club. Whatever was going on, it had to stop. I couldn't risk being with a client by the time Amelie got back. She didn't need trauma. Not anymore.