Chapter 266 Chapter 265
Rayena's pain receded to the background, all her focus now on him. A strangled groan escaped his lips, and he bent his head, covering his face with his hands. "If I was there, you wouldn't have suffered. You wouldn't have lost our child," he croaked, voice hoarse and trembling.
"Xenon, Xenon… listen to me," she rushed out, her voice shaky, getting in front of him and trying to pull his hands away from his face. He wouldn't budge.
"Stop doing that. Stop blaming yourself," she began, willing her voice to be steady. "Everything cannot be your fault. You did everything you could. Everything."
"But it wasn't enough!" he cried out in anguish, a tear slipping from his eye. Heavens, he looked so defeated, the sight wrenched her heart out. "It wasn't enough," he croaked, turning away so she couldn't see the tears that ran down his cheeks.
"The gods gave me a child, and I lost that. How could I be so stupid!? How could I…" He trailed off, the sobs taking over him. Burying his face in his hands, he cried silently, tremors racking his frame.
For a moment, all Rayena could do was stare, watching him as he mourned the loss of their child, even as tears streamed down her own cheeks.
She tried to form words, but they wouldn't come, so she gave up on it—at least for a while.
Torn on what to do, she reached out and hugged him. Tight.
He tried to resist, tried to pull away from her hold, but eventually succumbed, letting her carry half his weight as he sobbed through his hurt, grief, and pain.
"Xenon, please…" she kept repeating over and over again, rubbing his back in a soothing manner. "You did all you could. You protected us. Sent us to safety even if it was difficult for you. It's not your fault the child didn't stay. Don't blame yourself. Accidents happen."
Blinking away the tears in her eyes, she looked up at him, gently prying his hands off his face. Red-rimmed cerulean eyes stared back at her. "I've already blamed myself these past seven years for losing our child. I can't have you doing the same. It never ends well. Xenon, please."
He shuddered, his breaths halting.
Rayena took a deep breath, holding his face in her hands, hers inches away from his. Swiping her thumb against the tears that streamed down, she continued speaking. "We'll get through this. Together. I'll be with you every step of the way. The gods will bless us with another. The most important thing is for us to be together—and we are."
Her words finally penetrated. He sniffed, schooling his features, though guilt still lingered in his eyes. "I'll bear the burden of this mishap. For the rest of my life." He groaned, leaning his forehead against hers.
Rayena sighed, still cradling his face in her hands. She wished she could tell him not to, but the truth was the pain was still fresh for her too. This was the first time she'd ever truly acknowledged what they lost, how it had shaped her. So many times she'd wondered how the boy would have looked if he lived. Would he have looked exactly like Xenon or have her features?
She shut her mind to those images. She couldn't change the past, but she could still rewrite the future. They held on to each other for what seemed like forever, time slipping away unnoticed.
Xenon's crying became quiet sniffles that punctuated the stillness around them, oddly comforting. The heavy weight in her chest lifted, and Rayena felt lighter than she had in years.
At last, Xenon stirred, his hold on her loosening. Rayena took it as her cue to guide him back to the couch, sitting on his lap while he rested his head on her chest, softly breathing her in. "I refuse to believe you're not angry at me." he murmured, voice frayed.
Rayena tried chuckling, but it came out fractured. She resumed stroking his hair. “The truth is, for a while I did hate you. It was easier to be angry than to grieve what I thought I had lost.”
She stopped, placing her fingers under his chin and tilting his face so he was looking at her. “But now that you’re back, completely and with your mind intact, I realized I could never hate you. I love you too much for that.”
A corner of Xenon’s lips curled upwards, almost forming a smile. His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I love you too.”
Butterflies swarmed her belly at those words, and she blinked rapidly, sure she hadn’t misheard. Rayena recalled this was the first time he was saying this, and it relieved her to hear it. “I love you too,” she whispered.
She leaned in, taking his lips in a soft kiss.
His lips were firm, yet petal-soft against hers, saying what they couldn’t put into words. Xenon wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her closer till she melted against him, basking in the warmth he ignited within her.
Eventually, she pulled back, and he rested his head on her shoulder, breathing her in. His nose tickled the mark on her neck, and she shivered, a gasp spilling from her lips.
“I need to get better,” he murmured against her skin. “Everything we’ve lost to those miscreants, I have to get it back.”
Rayena smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, feeling his heartbeat against hers. “And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
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At another section of the underground fortress, Morvan and Soraya were together in the same hall.
The people from the weretiger clan were still in celebration mode thanks to the return of the king, so a party was going on, with several people singing and dancing, soaking up the happiness.
The underground hall pulsed with energy. Drums thudded faintly against the stone walls, mixing with laughter, clapping, and the rhythmic stomp of many feet. The air carried the warmth of bodies, the tang of spiced drink, and the faint smoky scent of burning resin.
Soraya lingered around Morvan, occasionally shooting glances in his direction as he oversaw the entire crowd, brows furrowed in concentration.
Only a few hours ago, she’d caught a leak from his usual stoic expression when he reached to hug the king, his eyes rimmed with tears.