Sheena
"What am I doing here?" I asked myself. Suddenly, my world tottered. It seemed that there was an earthquake in the place where I was now. Though there was not even a small amount of land, I seemed to be in a vacuum.
"Hey Sheena, wake up!" the voice of a woman exclaimed.
I suddenly sprang from my bed and realized that I just had a dream. A dream about the void. I saw Amara was sitting on the bed beside me. Now I knew that she was the one who shook me and had been trying to wake me up.
"Good afternoon, Sheena," Amara said, smiling sweetly.
"Afternoon?" I asked in a shocked voice.
"Yeah, it is already afternoon," she replied. "Try to look outside your window, so that you can see that the sun is already at the center of the unblemished sky."
I donned my pink sneakers and went towards the window. I raised the pink curtains and glimpsed the scene beyond. Amara was not joking in her words that it was already afternoon, but she was wrong about saying that the sun was already in the center of the sky. I can only see the gray clouds now instead of the afternoon's unblemished blue sky.
"I came here because I am worried about you. You have not caged yourself here, you did not show your face last night, is there something wrong?" Amara asked while going towards me.
I did not reply to anything; I just looked outside the window.
"We already prepared your breakfast," Amara said. "Come on, let us go downstairs." She got outside my bedroom.
After wondering how long I had been sleeping, I lowered the pink curtains and went towards the door of my bedroom. I got outside and shut the door.
Something crossed my mind, the boy that seemed to be a zombie whom I did not mean to be killed. I am so merciless at that time that I am not thinking about what I am going to do. I am still lucky because the pinkish cloud demonstrated to me again that I could not go back to my mansion, and maybe I am now inside the prison or I have already become a beggar.
Bygones are bygones. They won't come back. I better forget those things, because even if I blame myself all day, I still cannot bring back the time and the life of the zombie boy anymore.
"Let us get inside the dining room," Amara said while we were taking the winding stairs.
I don't know how to thank Amara for all the goodness that she did for me. I don't know who to talk to if she is not here. Many days ago, I hired her as a butler in the mansion, but I did not treat her as a servant, but as an elder sister.
Amara opened the door of the dining room. I saw and smelled the aromas of delicious foods that were already served on the long table that was made of varnished or polished wood and covered with a fine tablecloth. I went towards the spot where I am always sitting when I want to eat. I sat down on the chair and filled my plate with delicious foods.
The dining room is so quiet and nobody is talking. Unlike before, when we are eating, my parents are talking about everything and anything. The servants are just looking at me. I don't need too much food if I just eat alone. So, I invited the servants and cooks to eat with me, so that the melancholy inside the dining room would not prevail.
I can see the smiles on the faces of the servants. It seems like they don't have any problems, or they are not thinking about problems. I knew that pain can always be seen in tears because sometimes it is present in smiles. It is better to smile than to frown and shrug. All problems are just temporary, and if we can do nothing about them, we should smile or chuckle, and they will leave us by volition. My parents were always telling me not to waste my time on those things that, whatever I was going to do, it would not change anything.
Something came to my mind. It was the place in my dream that I had never been before. I don't know what kind of place it was. I can see nothing in that place but a void and nothingness.
After I ate my breakfast, or launched, I went towards the bedroom of my parents. I opened the door and entered there. The room was spacious, with a large braided rug on its gold-oak floor. There were many picture frames of my parents that were hanging on the hard wall. Many days have elapsed before this day. I often wonder if I can resist looking at the pictures of my parents. I know that they are now happy wherever they are. What I need to do is to be happy too.
There was only one bed inside the room. I was already old enough to know what a married couple was doing. I know that my parents loved each other without doubt. But I am confused why they did not make another baby. Maybe I am not so sad these days if I have a sister or brother. Maybe my parents were just busy with their work and business. That's why they did not give me a sister or brother. They may think that they cannot take care of the baby because of their busyness.
I sighed. There was also an oversized couch that looked ample for sleeping. Maybe sometimes they use this couch if they are sulking against each other. Maybe my father will sleep there, and my parents will just stare at each other, thinking about their problems, so that they can sleep in one bed tomorrow.
I did not stay longer in threat room, because I am allergic to the smell of an old room. I am allergic to everything that seems old and antiquated and never attracts my attention, especially if it has a dull color. I am not interested in old things, even though they were expensive, because I have the capability to smell the memories of the people who used them in the past.
Sitting on the wide balcony and looking at our wide lawn that was now covered with thick lying snow, Before, our lawn was never covered with snow, because my parents were always telling the servants to remove the snow there, because if they did not, it would pile up until it reached the mansion. They told me that there was a possibility that our mansion would be covered with snow or frozen by the cold ice.
Tomorrow, if the day is nice, I will hire a worker to work on the lawn and remove the piles of snow in exchange for money.
Though it was already midday, the breeze never stopped blowing. I remembered the old woman who gave me the pinkish cloud. There were no days that I did not remember her. Now I know that everything that happened to me many days ago was not just a dream. The old woman is not just a dream. Maybe she has a connection to why the pinkish cloud brought me to the place where the zombie boy was.
Another day passed by, another day that was full of sadness, another day of regrets, another day of taking the winding stairs, another day of talking with Amara and the other servants, and another day that I had wasted. Tomorrow is another day, and after tomorrow there is another day and so on, another day. It only means one thing: that life is just a series of monotonous days and nights.
What if I use the pinkish cloud to go somewhere, so that I won't be bored with repeating things in this mansion? Nonsense, I don't even know how to make the pinkish cloud show itself to me. I don't know if the old woman really gave me power or if she cheated, because I never had the power that she was talking about. She only gave me a headache and work that I could get nothing out of. Where is the power that she was talking about? I sighed, again. Well, I knew that I could live without power.
Sitting on the upholstered couch, alone again, I had been looking at the painting that was made of the famous artist. The paintings that have been hanging on the wall for many, many years. Maybe I was in elementary at that time when my dad hung those paintings there. I can smell the memories of my parents around the mansion. Everything around us is a souvenir or remembrance of many things that my parents did.
"Um, Sheena, I am not intruding, but I noticed that you are always looking at the paintings of your dad," Amara said. "Do you want us to replace something in this mansion?" she asked.
"No, everything is fine. You do need to replace anything," I replied.
I know that whatever I do, everything will not be imbedded in oblivion. The problem is not with the paintings or with anything around them. It is inside me, inside my heart and soul. I knew that my parents could not be replaced there. I really don't need to be replacing the paintings or anything around because they are not doing something wrong to me.
"Okay, I will just go inside the other rooms to clean them," Amara said. "I know that many rooms are now dusty, because some of the servants had been leaving here. There is nobody who's willing to do it."
"You don't need to do that. There are some of the other servants who can clean the other rooms, so just leave it to them," I replied.
"But Sheena, I have nothing to do if I won't be helping them. I don't want to be just wool-gathering here," she said while standing up from the couch. I held her hand and that made her startled.
"Where are you going?" I asked in a way that is the same as what my mother does if she wants someone to follow her order. My hand drew back on Amara's, causing her to fall to the upholstered couch. I did not know that I was so strong that I could pull Amara in just a second, though she was bigger and taller than me.
"How can you do that?" Amara queried. "How can you pull me that way? You are so strong now."
"How can I pull Amara like that?" I screamed in my brain.
It was not me who pulled her hand, and it did not cross my brain to pull her. What was happening to me? Does my hand have its own brain? How can my hand spontaneously pull Amara? Maybe it was just my instinct, but how can I have an instinct like this if I have not done this thing before?
"I am sorry sister Amara, but I did not mean to pull you. I don't even know that I am so strong," I said while looking at my pink sneaker below.
"No, you don't need to say sorry because I am not hurt," she replied. "I am just confused about how you can pull me in just the wink of an eye."
"You are not the only one who is confused. I am also confused about how I did it," I said, then winking my eyes many times.
"Do not worry too much, maybe that is just normal."
"Okay, but don't bother yourself with helping the other servants, or else I will be kicking you with this very strong force."
"I will obey you, not because I am tired, I just want to be truthful. I am afraid that you will kick me. I don't want to bounce in the hard cols. My beauty will be gone if you do that."
"Haha—don't worry sister, I am just joking," I said. "You are still beautiful, even though you will be bathing in the mud. Beauty is not based on your appearance; real beauty comes from your heart."
"Whoa, you are a bright child now," she said. "Though you are not going to school anymore?"
"Going to school will just waste my time. I can learn though I am just staying here. There are too many books in the library of the mansion." I glanced at my watch and saw that it was already 9:01 in the morning.
"But Sheena, though I have not finished my schooling, I knew that it's different if there's someone who will teach you many things, such as a teacher." She stood up.
"Where are you going?" I looked at her.
"In the kitchen, I will just help the cooks prepare our launch." She walked on the glossy floor towards the door of the living room.
Amara is a bit stubborn. She had been saying that she would follow me, but now she just left me alone inside this wide living room. If I show her kindness, she won't accept it, but if I order her to do something, she will ask me to show some kindness. I don't know if what she really wants is a shrimp with pearls, or she was the same with a fussy woman who wanted a shrimp with pearls. Well, I cannot blame her, because it was really boring if you were not doing anything.
Thus, having strong hands can help me do something. Or it will just bring pain to the other people? I don't mean to hurt anyone and I would never mean to hurt them. What if my next move cannot be carried out by the word "sorry" anymore? What should I do now? I don't want to hurt someone without any clear reasons.
I am tired even though I am just sitting on the soft-upholstered couch. I have realized that sitting can make me tired, especially if you are doing nothing but sitting or wool-gathering. I decided to visit the library of the mansion. I know that reading books can give me solace. I want to read a romance novel so that I can forget my problems.
I went outside the living room. Walking on the concrete, glossy floor and looking straight ahead, I slightly raised my head as my mother told me before. My mother was always reminding me about having a perfect posture. She said that I was more beautiful if I always applied it everywhere I went.
The servants' eyes, especially the men's eyes, turned big when they saw me. Well, I am just wearing one of my favorite gowns. My mother told me that she had inherited this gown from her great grandmother, that I also inherited from her. I don't know what this gown is made of, though at first I did not want to wear it because I hate old things. It was because this gown attracted my eyes. I tried to use it because I knew that there was nothing to worry about. It has a purplish-pink color and appears to be scaled for me.
Occasionally, I seemed to be in a fairytale land and the servants were treating me as their princess. The servants bow their heads as I pass in front of them as a sign of respect. That's how respectful the people around my huge mansion are.