Chapter 3

I woke up early in the morning. I changed my clothes into comfortable night gown and wore a robe. I wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast so I decide get some coffee and spend my leisure time in the balcony.

Indeed, it's a peace I wanted. Parang gusto ko nalang dito manatili. I could see the calm ocean from here, the leaves of the palm trees swaying in accordance to the direction of the wind, I could hear birds chirpping around, and I'm surrounded by plants and trees.

Babalik na sana ako sa kwarto nang mapansin ko ang dalawang pamilyar na mukha na naglalakad papalapit sa bahay. When I finally recognized them, I waved my hand from where I was to get their attention and it worked.

Gusto ko sana silang salubungin sa baba pero naalala ko ang suot ko kaya dumiretso muna ako sa kwarto para maligo at magpalit ng damit.

"Hi, Zai!" I happily greeted as I walk down the staircase.

She hugged me, "Gosh, good to see you again, Nach!" Nang kumalas siya sa yakap ay awkward siyang napasulyap kay Josh. "Sorry, Nach. I bring Josh with me. Are you okay with that?"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at kay Josh. I shook my head and smiled genuinely. "It's okay, actually, I'm happy seeing you two together."

Josh was just a childhood crush to me and I'm all good now. Zai's worrying over nothing. I gave my attention to Josh and smiled. "Hi Josh!"

He just nodded at smiled back at me. I gestured my hand and lead them to our dining table then invited them to breakfast.

Mama got also curious towards Josh so she asked Zai about it, and Zai immediately blushed. "Uhm, Tita Estella, si Josh po... boyfriend ko."

Mama just nodded while smiling. The conversation goes on. Maging si Josh ay nakikisali na rin sa usapan. We're just reminiscing what happened in the past and laughed out of it. Some memories were kinda disgusting; for example was the Halloween years ago when our friends putted Ate Mavis' drink with the goat's waste. The disgusting part was Ate Mavis' oblivious about it and even drank that drink! Like that was literally disgusting. Wala rin akong kaalam-alam no'n at nagtataka pa ako dahil sinabi niya sa akin na parang iba ang lasa gayong pareho lang naman kami ng inumin. Kalaunan ko lang talagang nalaman iyon.

Ang baboy ng mga kaibigan namin dati mantrip! Grabe!

Ngayon, halos hindi na kami nagkikita-kita ng dahil nga abala narin sa pag-aaral sa college, at halos lahat sa Iloilo nag-aaral. Sabi sa akin ni Ate Mavis na ang iba ay pinu-pursue ang napiling kurso sa WVSU.

Hindi narin naman nagtagal sina Zai at Josh dahil mayroon silang aasikasuhin sa eskwelahan nila bago tuluyang mag-Christmas vacation.

"Sige po Tita Estella, una na po kami. Sabi ni Mama ay dadalaw po siya mamaya sa inyo."

"Oo nga at nasabi niya rin sa akin, Zai. Sa kaniya ko na lang ipapadala mamaya ang pasalubong namin para sa inyo."

"Hindi ka na po sana nag-abala, Tita Estella." Nahihiyang sambit ni Zai at lumingon siya sa akin. "Paano ba Nach, una na kami?"

"Sige," nakangiti kong sabi. "Siya nga pala, ano'ng oras ng simbang gabi niyo rito?"

"Alas singko ng umaga, Nach." Si Josh ang sumagot.

Tumango at napaisip. "Nagsisimba ba kayo bukas? Kung oo, text mo nalang ako mamaya para makasama ako sa inyo."

"Sige, may ipakikilala rin ako sa'yo bukas. Siguradong papasalamatan mo talaga ako." Ngumiti si Zai na parang may masamang balak. I just shrugged and laughed.

Bumisita si Tita Zadie bandang ala una ng hapon. I catched up with her a little then gone to my room. Mukhang kailangan kasi talaga nilang mag-usap ni Mama dahil miss na miss nila ang isa't-isa.

I spent my whole afternoon in my room reading a romance book, and when evening came, after I ate dinner, I talked to Owen and Leigh over the phone.

I grunted as I heard my alarm tone. Kinusot ko ang mata bago nagmulat at napasulyap sa digital clock ko sa side table. I took a bath and changed into cream-colored dress in mesh full sleeves and paired it with my beige ankle strap wedge. I didn't bother to put any make up on. I'm already comfortable with my bare face. I let my long hair flow, leaving it dancing freely as the wind puffs. Isinukbit ko sa balikat ang beige half moon bag, at bumaba na.

Uminom muna ako ng kape at kumain ng wheat bread. Tumungo ulit ako sa kwarto para magsipilyo. Before I entirely left our house, I broke into Mama's room and asked permission that I'll leave to attend the church mass.

Tahimik akong naglalakad papunta sa bahay nila Zai. Saulado ko parin naman hanggang ngayon at ayokong maabala sina Zai dahil makikisabay lang naman ako. Hindi ako natakot maglakad ng mag-isa na tanging liwanag lang ay nagmula sa street lights dahil nga nasa probinsiya naman ako.

Binilisan ko ang paglalakad nang mamataan sina Zai at Josh na naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng bahay nila.

"Hi, good morning. Matagal ba kayong naghintay?" Nahihiya kong tanong dahil nang sumilip ako sa relong pambisig ay 4:45 na.

"Hindi ah, kararating nga lang rin ni Josh dito," sagot ni Zai at nakaramdam uli ako ng hiya ng puriin niya ako. "Ang ganda ganda naman ng pinsan ko!"

I laugh awkwardly because I don't know what to respond. Should I compliment her back, or thank her... I just simply don't know, so I opted to stay silent.

Naglakad-lakad kami nang ilang minuto para makarating sa paradahan ng tricycle. Marami raw kasi ang bumabyahe sa ganitong oras dahil marami rin ang nagsisimbang gabi.

I really feel genuinely happy seeing that Josh's making sure that Zai's comfortable before settling himself at the back ride.

"Love, 'di ba magsisimba ngayon iyong mga pinsan mo?" Sinilip ni Zai si Josh.

"Nandoon na ata sila, love. I'll just text them and inform you later of they're already there."

"Huwag na pala, Love. Ngayon ko lang naalala na hindi pala sila nawawala kapag simbang gabi."

Josh nodded and smiled sweetly to Zai. I looked like the third-wheel, but I reminded myself that my only plan was to listen to the Gospel of God.

Pagdating namin sa simbahan ay halos punuan na, mabuti nga lang nakahanap kami ng mauupuan kahit na sa pinakalikod. May provided seats rin naman sa labas, at marami naring tao. Mostly, I saw couples around.

Habang nagho-homily si Father, naramdaman ko na ihing-ihi ako kaya nagpaalam muna ako kina Zai at lumabas ng simbahan. Natagalan ako sa paghahanap ng palikuran dahil hindi naman ako pamilyar dito, mabuti at nakapagtanong-tanong ako.

Pagkalabas ko galing sa palikuran ay sinalubong ako ng malakas na ihip ng hangin. Nililipad ang laylayan ng bestida ko kaya napahawak ako roon, pero nakikita ng kaunti ang kandungan ko.

"Miss, sa susunod ay huwag kang magsuot ng bestida lalo na't mukhang taga-Manila ka," ani ng lalaki sa paos na boses.

Nakaramdam ako ng inis sa sinabi niya kaya napalingon ako. "Excuse me?"

My brows furrowed as he remained looking at me. Inalis ko ang pagkahawak sa ibabang parte ng bestida ko dahil mukhang lumipas na ang malakas na hangin.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't inform with the rule that forbids city girls to wear dresses like this." I said with full sarcasm.

Nakita ko ang pag-awang ng labi niya, "That's not what I meant, Miss. I think you misunderstood the context."

"Then what are you implying?" I asked in annoyance.

"I just don't like it when people are looking at you like that. There are boys everywhere and preying you as you look new to them. Masyado ko nilang pinagnanasaan, ayoko lang naman na maramdaman mo na parang nababastos ka sa paraan ng pagtingin nila. Hindi ko gusto iyon."

My brows creased even more. Why the heck this man is sending mixed signals? His sounded mad and concern at the same time. Like really? He doesn't like what? As if! Their attention was clearly focused on Father!

Why do he even care in the first place? It's not like it was my intention to show a bit of my thighs!

I battled with him in eye contact, and my heart was beating wildly as I started appreciating his handsome face. He has angled jaw line, lustrous hooded eyes, perfect nose, moist and alluring thin lips, divided chin and does have dimple on his left cheek.

"Y-you're crazy," I said after I came back to my senses. I shook my head and walk passed by him. Bumalik ako sa loob ng simbahan na busangot ang mukha nang tumabi kay Zai. Agad naman niyang napansin iyon.

"What happened to you, Nach? Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I'm okay. It's just that I encountered this weird guy, but it's totally nothing."

"Okay, if you say so." Zai only said then returned her focus in front.

The mass ended at six thirty. I wetted the tip of my two fingers on the granite bowl standee with holy water in it and do the sign of the cross before we left the church.

Naglibot-libot kami dito sa bayan ng Rio de Janiero para sana maghanap ng masasakyang tricycle pero nagtaka ako nang umakbay si Zai sa akin.

"Gusto mong kumain, Nachi?"

Tango lang ang naging tugon ko. Nakakagutom pala ang mainis. Hindi tuloy ako nakapagfocus sa misa, dahil naaalala ko ang sinabi ng lalaking iyon kanina.

He could have just said it in a nice way. Hindi ko naman kasi alam na pinagtitinginan ako. Hindi ko naman ginustong salubungin ako ng malakas ng hangin pagkalabas ko sa palikuran.

What a shame. He's so darn handsome, but his attitude pisses my off. I simply hate it on how I got distracted with his face. I cursed those brown eyes, because I knew I would be thinking of it for a while!

"Seriously, Nachi? Is there anything that's troubling you? Kanina ka pa busangot." Sita ni Zai sabay abot ng kutsara't tinidor na pinahiran niya ng tissue.

"It's nothing, don't mind me. I was just overthinking some random things."

Zai just sighed. Nawala ang atensiyon niya sa akin nang dumating na ang batchoy na inorder namin. Nanuot sa ilong ko ang amoy kaya bigla akong nakaramdam ng takam at agad na tumikim ng sabaw. Halos mapapikit ako sa sarap kaya walang pasubali akong kumain.

"Akala ko sasabay si Clajj sa atin?" Nakabusangot si Zai habang itinatanong iyon.

"I don't know either. Kasama niya ata kanina ang mga nakababatang kapatid kaya hindi makasama sa atin."

"Ayain mong sumabay sa atin bukas, love."

"Oo na," pagsuko ni Josh. "Tama ng Clajj, nakakatampo na."

"I just wanted to introduce him to Nachi. Don't be jealous, love. Ikaw parin naman ang mahal ko."

Napangiti si Josh sa sinabi ni Zai. Maya-maya pa'y dumako sa akin ang tingin niya. Josh's looking at me like his weighing my emotion. "But have you asked Nachi if she wants to know my cousin? Seems like she doesn't want it."

Napakibit-balikat ako nang tumingin si Zai sa akin. Bigla siyang ngumisi kaya kinabahan ako ng kaunti. "Oo naman, nasa dugo na namin ang pagiging marupok. Kaya kapag nakita ni Nachi si Clajj, sigurado akong mababaliw talaga 'yan."

I shook my head and chuckled softly. "Grabe ka, Zai. Ikaw lang naman siguro ang marupok tapos dinamay mo pa ako at ang dugo nating Gallegos."

"Inaamin ko naman ang pagiging marupok ko Nachi. Kita mo nga, boyfriend ko si Josh." Natatawang sabi ni Zai.

Napalingon ako kay Josh. Tahimik lang siya at namumula ang tainga, marahil ay nahihiya sa pinagsasabi ni Zai pero nakabawi narin matapos ang ilang segundo.

"Oo na, tama na 'yan. Mukhang baliw na baliw ka naman ata sa akin, love."

"Bakit baliktad ata? Ikaw kaya itong baliw sa akin. Halos hindi ka nga makampante kapag hindi kita pinapansin ni isang oras lang!" Sabi ni Zai habang natatawa.

They started teasing each other. It made me question myself and how I handle my relationship with Owen. Magiging ganito rin kaya kami sakaling malaya naming ipakita ang relasyon namin?

"Okay lang ba talaga, Nachi?" Tanong ulit ni Zai at tumango lang ako bilang sagot. "Gusto ko na talagang ipakilala si Clajj sa'yo. Hindi na ako makakapaghintay!"

I don't know why Zai's really excited to introduce that Clajj to me. It's not like I would be interested or what. I'm only here in Antique to escape and find peace... not to meet new people.

Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain at paminsan-minsan ay napapasin ko ang makahulugang tingin ni Zai at Josh sa isa't isa pero hindi ko nalang iyon pinansin. Matapos naming kumain sa eatery ay agad narin kaming umuwi.

"Hi, Owen. Are you busy?" I softly asked as he answered my video call request.

Medyo magulo sa background niya kaya tumahimik ako sandali dahil narinig ko ang pagpaalam niya.

"I'm not busy, Sienna. Katatapos ko lang mag-gym. How 'bout you? Are you busy?"

"No, I'm just here in my room the whole day so I kinda feel bored." I then laughed a little.

Nakita ko na lumamlam ang mata ni Owen. "If only you were here."

"Owen..." I called his name. "Alam mo naman na kahit nandiyan ako ay hindi rin naman tayo makapagkita."

"Well, at least I know you're here and safe."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Narinig ko ang pagsara niya sa pinto ng kotse. He's on his usual white tee, and I assume that he has plans for today.

"Are you going out with Yulo?" I asked because they often hang out together. Yulo's his best friend, and a team mate in basketball.

I saw him sighed. "Yes. We're going out to play golf later."

Our conversation goes on until I was the one to end the video call. I don't want to distract him while driving, and I don't wanna ruin his plans for today. He has plans with his circle of friends, while I'm here in the province with Mama.

Since that day, I only wear jeans or trousers when attending the mass. Ayokong masita uli ng lalaking iyon at ayoko na rin makita ang pagmumukha niya. It's been five days since I've arrived here in Antique, and Zai and Josh often tour me around here in Rio de Janiero. I've gone to Galapagos, El Paso, and Belo Horizonte. Sinasama nila ako tuwing may lakad sila at paminsan ay nagmumukha na akong third-wheel at tagakuha ng litrato nila.

It's around four thirty in the afternoon when I decide to go for a walk near the shore. I tied my hair in a messy bun. I wore an emerald green halter top and black cotton short then paired it with black flip flops. Dala dala ko ang sketch pad, charcoal pencil, at pati narin ang cellphone ko. Hindi na masakit sa balat ang sikat ng araw at pinayagan ako ni Mama na lumabas.

I opened one of my social media account to check if there are important updates, messages, and mails. I smiled bitterly as I came across Navee's post that she's thanking Papa for the early gifts which are new cosmetics and clothes.

My heart swelled at the last picture, how Papa smiled together with Navee. They just look so happy together. How I really envy Navee for experiencing the fatherly love.

A lone tear escaped my eye but I immediately wiped it away and shut my phone off. Hinubad ko ang suot na tsinelas at tinungtong roon ang sketch pad saka cellphone. Naglakad ako papalapit sa dagat para aliwin ang sarili pero agaran namang naagaw ang atensiyon ko sa ingay sa hindi kalayuan.

They're enjoying, big time. There's a videoke where the two person are singing their heart out. Ang mga nakaupo naman ay nantutukso at nagtatawanan. Tantiya ko ay mga ilang taon lang ang agwat nila sa akin.

How I wish I could do those things. Being with friends. Sharing laughters, smiles, and making memories. I'm aware I'm socially deprived... yet molded to be independent. I grow up with the thought that at the end of the day, I only have myself... nothing else.

Though, I think I will be forever dependent with my family and Leigh, because I know they'll be there during the brightest and darkest days of my life.

Iiwas ko na sana ang tingin sa mga nagsisiyahan dahil nakaramdam ako ng hindi pagkakomportable pero nahagip ng tingin ko ang pares ng mata na hindi ko aakalaing matingnan ko ulit.

He's that guy...

The one who talked about the dress I wore.

My heart hammered and foreign feelings started spreading all over my system as I saw him smiling at me.

That smile was very genuine that I couldn't bear. We had a bad encounter that day, and I never expected he could smile like this one!

I cleared my throat and averted my eyes to other direction. Pinagpapawisan ang mga kamay ko dahil naramdaman ko parin ang tingin niya kahit ilang sandali na ang nakalipas.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan ng ganito. Sobrang bago nito para sa akin. Hindi ko 'to naranasan kay Owen kahit na namumungay ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.

I stood up and wore my flip flops. Hindi ako lumingon sa direksyon ng lalaking iyon at diretso lang ang lakad pabalik ng bahay. Dumaan ako sa mga niyugan at tumawid ng kalsada. Nasa tapat lang naman kasi ng bahay namin ang dagat.

When I was alone in my room, I never ever had the thought of sketching that man's face yet I did! Am I being crazy? I don't even know him but the way how I precisely sketched his face seems like I know all of him even his flaws!

I shook my head to discard the thought that's starting to form in my head. Inilipat ko sa bagong malinis na pahina ang sketch pad ko at gumuhit ulit. This time what I drew was bunch of people laughing, literally what I saw earlier was my preference.

Tears started escaping my eyes by just looking to what I've just sketched. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko naranasan ang totoong kasiyahan mula noong mga nakaraang taon.

Naging masaya nga ako pero panandalian lang at triple naman ang sakit na ibinabalik sa akin.

All I want for Christmas is for us to return to what we used to be. A happy family, I must say. I just don't know why Papa doesn't want to spend Christmas with me and Mama.

Gano'n ba talaga ka lalim ang galit ni Papa sa akin?

Minsan naisip ko rin na siguro... nasa akin talaga ang problema. Even though how I tried my hardest to be the best in school and in some aspect, I still feel like I'm still a disgrace to them.

I think my relationship with Navee will never be able to be fixed anymore. It started when I got infatuated with the guy who happened to be his boyfriend. I don't even have the plans to confess to that guy because I respected my sister's relationship with him. Alam ko naman ang tama sa mali. But I was shocked when one day the guy broke up with her and started showing signs to me yet I even once, I never entertained him.

Naveena Reign, my sister, found that out. She's in rage. She accused and blamed me that I was the one who ruined their relationship. Maybe... she's also the one saying bad things about me to Papa, because one day, he accused me for being a flirt.

Papa blamed me for the withdrawal of partnership and investment of that certain furniture company because I strongly refused in taking part with that marriage for convenience. Ang anak ng may-ari ng furniture company ay mayroong gusto sa akin pero ayaw ko talaga.

I'm too young for that! Kahit na ang pinag-usapang kasal ay kapag nasa tamang edad na ako, pero mali e. Maling mali. Marriage for convenience no longer exist nor practice in this century, maybe for some it's still exist, but I don't want any heavy responsibities at this age! I literally fight for my right in that matter, and maybe that's one of the reason why my father's rage towards me doubled.

"Ma, may sasakyan naman tayo at marunong ka naman pong magmaneho." Marahan kong sabi ko kay Mama.

Kanina pa kami nagbabantay ng masasakyang tricycle. Nag-aya kasi si Mama na mamalengke sa bayan ng Rio de Janiero para bumili ng handa para sa pasko.

"We have to blend with the people here, baby." Mama softly said then caressed my cheek.

"Okay," I surrendered.

Ngumiti sa akin sa Mama at niyaya niya akong maglakad papunta sa paradahan ng tricycle. I wore a simple white tee and black jersey shorts, then a pair of birkenstocks. I tied my hair in low ponytail using the khaki-colored satin scrunchy, and wear a black ball cap.

I stopped from my tracks when I saw that man again. He's sitting at the back of the tricycle, wearing white polo shirt and black jeans. I notice him holding a plastic envelope with lots of papers in it. Gulat parin ako nang hinila ako ni Mama papalapit doon at napatingin narin siya sa amin.

"Papuntang Poblacion ba 'to?" Tanong ni Mana sa driver.

"Opo, ma'am!"

Lumingon si Mama sa akin. "Anak, dito ka sa likuran maupo. Isa nalang kasi ang kasya roon sa unahan."

Gustuhin ko mang tumabi kay Mama pero ayoko namang ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko. Uupo na sana ako sa gitna pero umusog ang lalaki kaya sa gilid nalang ako umupo at siya naman ay pinagigitnaan namin ng isa pang pasahero.

His manly scent attacked my nose and I don't know why I kinda liked it! Hindi kasi masakit sa ilong. I even smell mint in his breath.

Umandar ang tricycle at halos mahigit ko ang hininga nang humawak siya sa hawakan na halos nasa tabi ko lang.

"Sinisigurado ko lang na hindi ako mahuhulog, miss." Aniya sa paos na boses.

Naghuhuramentado ang puso ko kaya wala akong nagawa kundi tumango. Nang bumaba sa isang baranggay ang katabi naming pasahero sa likuran ay tuluyan akong nakahinga ng maluwag.

Ayokong dumikit sa lalaking 'to kasi naiilang ako. Akala ko tahimik ang buong byahe pero napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang magsalita siya.

"Are you fond of wearing those?"

Ginapang ako ng inis dahil sa tanong niya kasi pati ba naman ito ay sisitahin niya rin. I raised a brow and looked at him sharply. "What's your problem with my clothes again?"

I saw how his Adam's apple moved and looked away. "It's just that you're showing too much skin."

"Ano?!" I raised my voice.

The hell is wrong with this man? Mas maiksi pa nga suot ng kasabayan naming babae kanina tapos ako iyong sinita? Goodness, I'm hating this man!

Imbis na humingi siya ng tawad sa akin ay nagawa pa niyang tumawa ng marahan na animo'y na-entertain ng sobra.

I got pissed off towards him, so I stayed silent. Siguro ay nakiramdam din siya sa inakto ko. I just don't like it because he's trying his luck and simply feeling close with me.

"Alright..." He lowly said but I can hear it clearly. "I'm sorry for picking your clothes for the second time. I mean no harm, and I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable by the malicious stares, some men will give you. I didn't mean to offend."

Hindi ako umimik at nanatiling nakatingin sa ibang direksyon. I don't need his concern. Hindi naman nakakabastos ang suot ko. It's a casual clothes almost women wear everyday! Kung mabastos man, iyong nambastos ang may problema.

Nakarating na kami sa Poblacion ay hindi ko parin pinansin ang lalaki sa tabi ko. Tahimik lang din siya sa tabi.

Tumigil ang tricycle sa tapat nang Cattaneo's Enterprise at nang makitang kong bumaba si Mama ay iyon rin ang ginawa ko. Pupuntahan ko na sana si Mama pero natigilan ako nang marinig ko siyang magsalita ulit.

"I'm sorry for what I've acted earlier, but please wear long pants or other underpants when going out again." A small smile appeared his lips. "It was nice seeing you again. Manong, sa WeSaS po ako."

Tuluyan nang lumayo ang tricycle pero nakatingin parin ako sa lalaki at nang makabalik sa huwisyo ay gusto kong kutusan ang sarili.

"Nachi, okay lang ba sa'yo na dito nalang tayo sa labas? Loaded kasi sa loob as in, wala tayong masiksikan." Ani Zai nang makarating kami ng simbahan.

"Y-yeah, okay lang na dito."

It's the twenty-fourth day of December. I looked at my wristwatch it's just eight thirty in the evening yet there are lots of people in the church already. Nine thirty is the start of the mass.

I'm wearing a black noddle strap peplum top and washed-blue high waisted jeans then beige flats. I let my hair flow. Zai's wearing a maroon knitted dress that perfectly hugs her curves.

I couldn't focus on the mass because I'm worried for Mama. Before I left the house, I was going to bid my good bye yet I stopped myself in doing so as I heard her weeping and her voice broke while talking to someone over the phone.

Actually this is not the first time I heard Mama crying when we arrived here in Antique. If she thought I didn't notice that she's faking to be happy and even her smile, well it's very obvious, or I'm just being observant.

I could see exhaustion, anger, pain, and disappointment in her eyes every time I looked at her. I wanted to embrace Mama so tight like there's no way she can escaped my hugs.

I badly wanted to comfort my mother because I know her relationship with Papa got complicated. Back in Manila, their shouts at each other, the things that were broken inside their room can be often heard that woke me up in my sleep at night. I'm nth time hurt hearing Mama cry and seeing her in pain.

"Mukha kang sabog, okay ka lang ba talaga Nachi?" Nag-aalang tanong ni Zai at tinapik ang balikat ko.

Napabalik ako sa huwisyo at tumango ako bigla. Hindi narin nang usisa pa si Zai dahil nagsimula na ang misa. Nagsipag-unahang lumabas ang mga tao nang matapos ang misa pero nagpaiwan kami para magmano kay Father. Everyone is greeting everyone a 'Merry Christmas'.

"Nachi, saan ka mamasko?" Tanong ni Josh kaya napabaling ako sa kaniya.

"Sa bahay siguro Josh. May handa rin naman kasi roon sa bahay."

"Huh?" Takang tanong ni Zai. "Sabi ni Mama kanina ay dadalhin daw ni Tita Estella ang mga pagkain sa bahay para roon daw tayo magsasama-sama."

"Ah gano'n ba? Hindi ko kasi natanong si Mama kanina."

"Uwing-uwi ka na ba, Nach? Sasaglit lang sana kami ni Josh sa bahay nila." Napakagat-labi si Zai.

"Sige, wala namang problema. Hindi pa naman ako uwing-uwi."

"Okay, great!" Zai exclaimed and clung to my arm as we walked towards the area where tricycles were parking.

My heart palpitated and nervousness seeped through my system as I spotted the familiar face of a man.

"My goodness! Clajj, there you are! Merry Christmas!" Zai greeted the man.

My mouth left open. The heck? He's Clajj? He's really the one who Zai badly wants to introduce to me? I'm not interested at all!

"Grabe, kung hindi ka pa namin nakita dito nang wala sa plano, siguradong hindi ka talaga magpapakita sa amin ni Josh. We texted you a lot!" Zai pouted and sulk over Clajj.

Napaiwas ako nang dumako ang tingin niya sa akin. "I'm just busy, Zai. At minsan ay nagsisimula na ang misa kapag dumating kami ng mga kapatid ko."

Zai looked unconvinced, "Oh? Maybe you really can't because you're with your girlfriend, Shantal, during simbang gabi?"

"No," he simply said ang shook his head. He flashed a small smile.

"Upo ka na diyan Nach, aalis na kasi itong tricycle." Sabi Josh sabay turo sa bakanteng pwesto sa tabi ni Clajj didto sa likuran ng tricycle.

I immediately hugged myself as the tricycle started moving. The cold wind is brushing my bare skin. I should have brought a jacket with me—

"Here, you can wear this for a while." He offered me his denim jacket.

I gasped by his generosity. I accepted the jacket and wore it. His manly scent immediately attacked my nose. "Thank you, ibabalik ko 'to agad sa'yo kapag nakababa na kami."

He just hummed and nodded. Looks like he's about to say something but my attention immediately focus on my phone as it rings and Owen's name flashes on it.

A smile immediately crept on my lips as I answered it. Owen and I talked for a while. He greeted me 'Merry Christmas' and told me that he's excited for my return. We converse about few and some trivial things before we finally bid our good byes.

"Boyfriend?" He asked me when I kept my phone.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya. Nasa malayo ang tingin at tumitiim ang bagang. My brows furrowed, "Why do you ask?"

"Out of curiosity, I guess?" He asked back.

I scoffed, "Well, why would I feed your curiosity? It's not like it's my responsiblity to tell you my relationship with him just because you heard our conversation."

Napatingin sa akin si Clajj at hilaw na ngumiti, "Hmm, feisty. I see."

Taka akong tumingin sa kaniya ng maglahad siya ng kamay. Ang kaninang hilaw na ngiti ay naging matamis at totoo. Ang mata niya ay sumasalamin ng pagkaseryoso.

"I almost forgotten to introduce myself. Hi, I'm Clajj Siobhan Montessori."

"And I'm... not interested."

Umawang ang bibig niya dahil sa sinabi ko. "Hey Nach, that's... kinda rude."

I gaped then stared at him darkly. "How did you know my name?"

He raised both of his hands, "Relax, I just heard Josh mentioned your name. Please, don't feel uncomfortable around me, I just wanna be friends with you."

"I don't want a friend. My list of friends are already loaded," I lied in what I've said in the latter part.

"If your list of friends are already loaded, then I suit in the next level. Perhaps, best friend?"

"We just don't become best friends! It takes time of mutual care and respect. And in fact, I'm not finding one. Let's just treat each other as stranger, it's better that way." I shook my head and strongly opposed with what he said.

"You find friends in the same social interests and resources? You don't want me to get to know you because of my financial status, is that it?"

My brows furrowed. Nagulat man ako pero hindi ko ipinakita iyon sa kaniya. Is this how his mind works?

"I don't find friends based on their social and financial status. I'm not like that. And just like what I've said, I don't want a new friend."

"Why?" He sounded calm.

I sighed. This man is so persistent, and seems like he won't stop asking as long as he couldn't find valid answer. I was getting irritated.

"I just don't want it, okay? It's no use anyways. My friends either left me with other people or simply, my father pushes them away. I don't want to be dependent with people which I know will leave me in the end. So yeah, does it answer to you question?"

"Simply, you're afraid." He concluded and nodded as if he solved a ridde. "If you're afraid that people may leave you in the end, then at least give me a chance. I may leave, but of course, I'll end up going back to you again. I'm a friend for keeps, anyways." I could sense the sincerity in his voice that literally send shivers to my spine.

I could clearly hear how my heart beats loudly. Clajj's staring at me like he's searching for the depths of my emotions, like he's trying to scrutinize if I'm in my true self or just faking everything.

But then, I remember what Papa said everytime I'm making friends. I extinguished what I felt after hearing those words from Clajj. I have to protect myself first.

"Don't say that unless you mean it. Hindi basta-bastang nakukuha ang loob ko, Clajj. I'm observant enough to know someone's intention every time they come near me. It's hard giving trust 'cause once broken, it'll never be fixed. And asking another chance is like asking someone to feel the pain again... but in higher intensity."

Tumigil ang tricycle napansin kong bumaba si Zai kaya iyon rin ang ginawa ko. Mabilis kong hinubad ang jacket at inabot iyon sa kaniya.

"Salamat."

I saw how his brown hooded eyes glistened. He didn't say a word, and just give me a nod as I response. He bite his lips to suppress the his smile when he see my reaction.

He didn't say you're welcome. So does it mean, I'm really not welcome?!

I bit my lips and looked away. Naglakad ako patungo kay Zai at inabala ang sarili sa hawak na cellphone.

"Ayaw mo talagang sumama sa amin?" Naiinis na tanong ni Zai.

"Hindi na Zai, kailangan ako sa amin e. Paki bati nalang ng Merry Christmas kay Auntie, Josh."

Tumango si Josh sa kaniya, "Sige, at paki sabi narin kay Tito Raegan na Merry Christmas!"

"Nakakatampo na 'yang si Clajj," reklamo ni Zai at tumalikod na.

I glanced at Clajj again and it was a wrong move because our eyes met. His eyes were expressive, and I can't just bear how intense it is. I cleared my throat and turned my back to join Zai in walking.

Nakahabol sa paglalakad si Josh sa amin at ilang sandali lang ay narating namin ang bahay nila. Sinalubong kami ng isang babaeng nasa mid-40s sa tarangkahan.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas din po Auntie, Uncle!" Bati ni Zai pabalik sa Mama ni Josh.

"Merry Christmas din po," magalang kong bati sa kanila saka nagmano.

Nakaramdam ako ng hiya nang sandali akong pinasadahan ng tingin ng Mama ni Josh. "Zai, ito na ba 'yong pinsan mong laki sa Manila? Ang ganda at sobrang kinis naman! Dalaga-dalaga!"

Nailang akong ngumiti, at hindi alam ang sasabihin. Maya-maya pa ay nagpakita narin ang Papa ni Josh at nagkaroon silang apat ng pag-uusap. I kinda admire how legal their relationship is. Even if I was here for a nick time, I really observed how Josh respects Zai.

"Ikaw hija, meron ka bang boyfriend?" Nabigla ako sa tanong ng Mama ni Josh.

I bit my lips. I don't know what to say, if should I tell them the truth, or simply deny the question. "Uhm—"

"Nako, wala po iyan, Tita. Kaya naghahanap nga ako nang ilalakad ko sa kaniya," natatawang ani ni Zai.

"Zai," pagtawag ko sa kaniya dahil naiilang na ako sa pinag-uusapan.

Nakahinga ako nang umawat si Josh at ang Papa niya sa usapan. They invited us to dinner and I kinda feel embarrassed when they introduced me to their youngest son, Peter.

Well, Peter is handsome, I gave him that. He's the younger and serious type version of Josh. Bilang pakikisama ay kinakausap ko rin si Peter tuwing may itinanong dahil magkatabi lang kami ng upuan. Napag-alaman kong mas matanda siya ng isang taon. He's taking up STEM strand.

Nanatili pa kami nang ilang minuto bago tuluyang magpaalam sa pamilya ni Josh. We thanked them for the feastful food, and Auntie said that if we have the time, we should consider visiting their home again.

"Hoy, Montessori! Pumunta ka daw sa bahay sabi ni Mama, nagtext siya sa akin na kapag hindi ka daw nagpakita, pasasabugin niya bahay niyo."

Napatingin ako kay Zai dahil sa sigaw niya. I don't know if she's trying to sound threaty... pero nakakatawa talaga ang pagkasabi niya. Even Josh laughed!

"Uh, may pinapabili pa sa'kin si Papa. Kayo nalang muna, Zai. Sabihin mo kay Tita Zadie na pupunta nalang ako sa susunod na araw."

I stilled when he glanced at me. I was bewildered as smile crept his lips and never left his eyes on me. What the heck? He's obviously staring at me!

"Pwede mo namang bilhin ang ipinapabili ni Tito Raegan, tapos hihintayin ka nalang namin dito."

Zai's too persistent. I saw Josh shook his head. And I heard Clajj's sighed. He glances at me again, I just shrug and look away.

"Oo na, sasama na." Pagsuko ni Clajj. "Pero sandali lang, susunod nalang siguro ako. Matatagalan kasi ako."

Bumuntong-hininga si Zai at tumango. "Sige mauuna na kami, sumunod kang mokong ka ha?"

"Oo, sige."

Nauna akong naglakad dahil mukhang may pinag-uusapan pa sina Zai. Gusto ko ng umuwi para magpalit dahil nilalamig ako. Kinapa ko ang bulsa ng pantalon ko nang tumunog ang cellphone. Text iyon mula kay Mama.

Mama:

Anak nakarating ka na ba sa bahay? Nandito ako kay Tita Zadie mo, dito tayo nagpapasko kasama sila.

Paki dala nalang rin ng dalawang cake na nasa fridge, dito sa bahay ng Tita Zadie mo.

Ako:

Sige po, Mama. Dadalhin ko po.

Napangiti ako nang makita si Leigh sa inbox ko pero agad namang napawi iyon ng basahin ko ang text niya.

Leigh:

Happy Holidays, Nachi baby! I hope you're enjoying there, and also I hope you could find new people that will bring joy to you!

Anyways, Nach, I'm just curious about something this past few days. Did you and Owen broke up? Not that I'm being nosy with your relationship with him, it's just that a friend told me she saw Owen and Amanda in a fancy restaurant near the place where Owen plays golf.

My hands went numb and my body went cold. I'm staring at my phone, disbelief. I know Leigh's not rooting for our relationship but not to the point she'll sabotage it. I don't know if it's true or not but I heard some rumors that Owen has history of cheating his relationship with a cheerleader.

But... I don't want to conclude immediately. I have to give Owen the benefit of the doubt. I'm the type of person who'll decide with solid proofs, not by the guts.

Ako:

We didn't broke up, Leigh. In fact, he just called me earlier. Amanda... as in Yulo's cousin? Baka no'ng time na nakita ng kaibigan mo sila Owen at Amanda ay nagkayayan lang silang kumain?

By the way, Merry Christmas! Can't wait to see you soon.

Hindi pa naman napapatunayan na niloloko ako ni Owen kay Amanda ay nababagabag ako. It's just that, there's a higher possibility that Owen may cheat on me because I deprive him the things that normal couple should be doing. I'm mean not to that 'extent things'.

If Owen's not that serious on me, at least ending this relationship would be the better option. I know to myself that I can't take risk up to the extent, in fighting my relationship with him because I don't feel anything that deep towards him. We're young, and our feelings may be short-lived.

We can't say to ourselves that what we feel towards someone is already true love. I mean, people came into our lives that either leave us behind and teach us lesson, or simply meant to stay.

"Zai, mauna nalang kayo siguro. May pinapakuha pa kasi sa akin si Mama sa bahay," marahan kong sabi nang matanaw na namin ang bahay nila.

Napalingon si Zai sa akin at naningkit ang mata na para ba'ng sinusuri kung nagsasabi ako ng totoo. Napabuntong-hininga ako at kinuha ang cellphone mula sa bulsa para ipakita ang text ni Mama.

A playful smile crept her lips. "Okay, just make sure. I have plans for you to get along with Clajj, so please cooperate later."