Chapter 4

I head to my room right after I successfully enter our house. I gasped because of the coldness in my room, probably I left my AC on.

Dumiretso ako sa cabinet para kumuha ng sando, hoodie at high-waisted denim shorts. I tied my hair in a messy bun and brought my phone and wallet with me.

Bumaba ako at nagtungo sa kusina para kunin ang cakes na pinapasuyo ni Mama. Uminom muna ako ng yogurt drink bago tuluyang umalis sa bahay nang masigurong naisara ko ang pinto at gate ng maayos.

Papalapit na ako sa bahay nina Zai ay dinig na dinig ko ang boses ng taong nagvi-videoke. Kanina nang dumaan ako ay hindi naman sila ganito kaingay. Siguro ay tinamaan na ng alak.

Plano talaga nina Mama na magrenta ng videoke at imbitahan ang mga dating kakilala dito sa Rio de Janiero. Laking Manila si Mama at si Papa naman ay dito lumaki sa Antique. Iilang detalye lang ang alam ko sa love story nila pero ang alam ko lang ay nagtungo si Papa sa Manila para habulin si Mama.

As expected, Tita Zadie's house is beautiful. It's a touch of modern and spanish style of nipa hut. Sinalubong ako ni Mama nang tuluyan akong makaakyat sa hagdanan.

"Anak, tamang-tama ang dating mo." Nakangiting sabi ni Mama.

"Uh medyo natagalan nga ako Mama eh." Nahihiya kong sabi at inilapag ang dalang cake sa parihabang mesa kung saan nakalagay ang lahat ng pagkain.

Mama just shook her head then smiled at me. "Anyways, I'll just go downstairs to check our guests."

"Sige po, Ma."

Nang tuluyang bumaba si Mama ay tumulong ako kay Tita Zadie sa paglalagay ng mga eating utensils sa mesa bago tuluyang umupo sa sofa para hintayin kaming makompleto.

Tita Zadie said Zai and Josh will just buy some alcoholic beverages in 7Eleven and will be back in a jiff, so literally, I'm all alone here in the living room.

I got bored so I went online and it was a perfect timing because Ate Mavis' also active. I tapped the video call icon, and within a few seconds, Ate's face appeared in the screen.

"Merry Christmas Ate!" I greeted lively.

"Oh my! Merry Christmas to you too Nachi!" Ate greeted back and the smile on her lips never left. "I'll be there tomorrow Nachi! Though my flights is in tomorrow afternoon. By the way, I can't wait to be there! And I really miss you and Mama so bad too!"

"I really missed you too, Ate. Don't forget to bring me my gift, hmm?"

"Yeah sure. I got bored here in the house, Navee has her own world, and it's kinda irritating seeing her shooting videos everyday!" Ate complained and rolled her eyes eventually.

"Siya nga pala, kamusta na kayo diyan, Ate? Si Papa, kamusta? Uhh-can you greet him a happy holidays for me?"

I saw how Ate Mavis' expression softens. Our situation is still like this, yet I'm hoping that everything will be fixed. "We're fine here, Nach. Though Papa's continously spoiling Navee with her caprices. And yes of course, I'll make sure that Papa will receive your greeting later."

I flashed my sweetest smile to conceal the envy I felt towards Navee. Sadly, this is really unfair.

"What the heck? Oh my gosh, Nachi! Who's that guy behind you?! Damn, he's so handsome even though the quality of our video call is slightly similar to the quality of japanese porn, blurred!"

My eyes widened in shock after hearing Ate. What? Is she really this bold? Hindi man lang ba siya nahiya na sakaling may makarinig sa kaniya? Oh my gosh, goodness gracious!

Napatingin ako sa likuran at ganon nalang ang pag-awang ng labi ko nang magtama ang tingin namin ni Clajj. Mukhang kararating niya lang dito. He's simply wearing a white shirt and black comfy shorts. Yes, he's handsome, I gave him that. He has a clean cut hair, just exactly my type. I'm attracted to men who looks clean.

Wait... what am I even thinking?

I cleared my throat and shook away those ideas forming in my head. I stared at Ate because she's shouting as if she's some sort of a teenager. "Ate keep your voice down."

Napabuntong-hininga ako dahil nakikita si Clajj sa video call. I wanted to avert my phone on the other direction yet it'll be rude since Ate Mavis' still fantasizing over him.

Maya-maya'y nakita ko kung paano nanlaki ang mata ni Ate at nagulat ako nang banggitin niya ang pangalan ni Clajj.

"Oh my gosh, hi Clajj!"

Napatingin si Clajj habang nakakunot ang noo. Bumusangot ang mukha ni Ate Mavis, "Grabe, nakakatampo ka. Basta basta mo nalang akong nakakalimutan!"

Kalaunan ay mahinang natawa si Clajj. "Sorry Mavis, hindi kita namukhaan agad. Ang laki kasi ng pinagbago mo, gumanda ka lalo."

Napaflip hair si Ate at dinibdib ang sinabi ni Clajj. "I know right! You don't have to remind me again."

Mukhang mapapasarap ang usapan nila kaya inabot ko kay Clajj ang cellphone, at ini-excused ang sarili para bigyan sila ng privacy.

I found myself walking near the open window. It's indeed, a starry night. The stars we're shining so bright, and looks like twinkling in delight.

Halos lahat ng bahay ay mayroong Christmas lights o ano pa'ng palamuti. I heaved a deep sigh... this is serene and peaceful. Dumako ang tingin ko kina Mama na nagsasaya sa ibaba. It made me smile. Seeing Mama enjoying with the people she knew, it's really a wonderful view.

"Nachi... your phone." Clajj's voice dominated from behind.

I looked at him and chuckled awkwardly. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko na inabot niya. "Thank you."

Umusog ako nang kaunti nang tumabi siya sa akin. We're both sharing the spot in the same open window now.

"How did you know my sister?" I broke the silence between us. I glanced at him, and he's also looking at me.

"I know her years ago, she's exactly fifteen and you're just seven years old that day. Naligaw kayo noon. Your Ate Mavis was asking for direction which happened that it was me who she asked."

I nodded and didn't said a thing then tried to remember the moment he said. I sighed 'cause I couldn't remember, I'm too young that time. At siguro hindi ko rin siya maaalala kasi baka sobra rin ang pinagbago niya.

I'm really wondering if he's half? I seems to me that he does have a Castillan bloodline since his feauture is screaming so.

"Baki mag-isa ka lang dito? Nasaan sina Zai at Josh?" Mahinahong tanong ni Clajj kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.

"May binili lang sila sa convenience store."

He only nodded. We're both silent again. Tinatawag siya sa baba para sumama roon sa mga nagbi-videoke pero magalang siyang tumanggi. Taka akong napatingin sa kaniya, at simple ngiti ang iginawad niya sa akin.

"Mamaya na ako sasama sa kanila, sa ngayon ay sasamahan muna kita rito."

Tumingin ako sa kalawakan para makaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya. "Uh— hindi mo naman ako kailangang samahan. Okay lang ako rito."

He just shook his head and stayed in my company even though I kept on trying to convince him to be with those people downstairs.

"Uy Clajj! Ano 'yan ha? Kapakikilala ko palang sa'yo sa pinsan ko tapos pinopormahan mo na!" Tili ni Zai na kapapasok lang dala ang dalawang inumin.

"I'm just accompanying her, Zai." Clajj calmly said.

"Sus!" May malisyang tingin ang ginawad sa amin ni Zai at binulungan niya si Josh kaya natawa rin siya.

Napailing ako at naglakad papalapit sa mesa kung nasaan ang mga pagkain. Mas gugustuhin ko nalang maghintay dito sa mesa, kesa doon sa sala dahil alam kong mapupuno ng tuksuhan kung magtagal ako roon.

Sinundan ako dito ni Zai at tumabi mismo sa akin. Sinusundot-sundot niya ang tagiliran ko habang suot ang nakakalokong ngiti.

"Ano'ng pinag-usapan niyo, Nachi? Nasa 'getting to know each other' stage na ba?"

"What are you talking about, Zai?" My brows furrowed.

"Nothing, it's just that I could smell something fishy." A playful smirk crept her lips.

"Baka sa bibig mo lang 'yan galing Zai—" Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin nang marahan niya akong hinampas sa braso.

"Nach, ni-literal mo naman eh! Foul 'yan, okay?" Bumusangot siya at pasimpleng napairap.

Hindi ko nalang din pinansin ang mga talak niya hanggang sa sabay na pumasok sina Mama at Tita Zadie habang nakasunod naman sina Josh at Clajj.

I was kinda uncomfortable when I became the topic while we're eating. I don't know how to act or what to say, I'll smile at them... but it's a force and awkward smile.

"Ang ganda na talaga ng anak mo, Estella!" Nakangiting puri ni Tita Zadie habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Dala narin siguro ng adolescence stage, Zadie. Si Zai nga ay ang ganda at blooming! Hindi mo aakalaing stress sa college!" Sagot ni Mama at napangiti si Zai dahil doon.

"Thank you, Tita Estella! Mabuti pa po kayo, naa-appreciate niyo ang kagandahan ko." Ani Zai at sobrang taas talaga ng confidence level niya, maganda naman kasi talaga siya.

Napatingin si Tita Zadie kay Zai na parang sinusuri siya, "Andami nga lang tanim na palay sa mukha."

Napahalakhak si Tita Zadie kaya nahawa kaming lahat na nasa mesa. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa, si Zai naman ay mukhang napikon sa sinabi ng Mama niya.

"Huwag kang mag-alala, Mama, kapag naubos ang bigas natin, may aanihin ka dito sa mukha ko." Sarkastikong sabi ni Zai at sabay na napabusangot.

"Galit ka na niyan, anak? Huwag kang mag-alala ang gwapo rin naman ng boyfriend mong si Josh, hindi ka na rin lugi," nanunuksong sabi ni Tita at sinusundot-sundot si Zai sa tagiliran.

"Mama naman, maganda rin kaya ako! Kaya nga na-inlove sa akin si Josh. Hindi ba, love? Sumagot ka ng oo kung hindi maghihiwalay nalang tayo!"

Napailing si Clajj habang nakangisi. Oh, he must be aware how Josh is smitten over Zai.

"Oo naman, love! Sobrang ganda mo."

"Ang bruhilda kong anak, kinikilig." Natatawang tukso ni Tita Zadie.

Our dinner was filled with teases and laughs. Napansin ko rin na gustong-gusto ni Tita Zadie na inisin si Zai tapos maya-maya ay susuyuin ang anak kapag sobrang pikon na.

Ginapang ako ng kaba nang dumako ang tingin ni Tita Zadie sa akin na parang binabasa niya ang naiisip ko sa sandaling ito.

"Nachi, may boyfriend ka na ba?" Kuryusong tanong ni Tita at halos lahat ng mata ay nakatuon sa akin.

Naiilang ako sa tanong. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Mama, nakangiti siya, na parang hinihikayat ako na huwag magsinungaling.

Well, Mama knew my relationship with Owen. I asked Mama if she'll permit me to have a boyfriend before I agreed to Owen that we're official.

I sighed. "Yes, I have a boyfriend, Tita."

"Kaya pala gumaganda lalo kasi infatuated!" Tukso ni Tita na mayroong ngiti sa labi.

"Oo nga Ma, 'no? Kita mo, gumaganda ako lalo," singit ni Zai sabay flip hair.

"Exemption ka doon, anak!" Si Tita.

"Mama naman eh!" Napairap si Zai. Bumaling si Zai sa akin habang kumakain ng lumpia. "Kaya naman pala ayaw mong ipakilala kita sa mga kakilala ko! Ang lihim mo masyado, pinsan!"

Lumingon ako kina Josh at Clajj. Josh's seems to be into the conversation while Clajj's just eating in silent and his stare never left the food.

I gave her a small smile. "I'm not used telling my personal matter, and no one's interested with my life... so yeah, I kept my relationship lowkey."

"Sorry about that. Palagi kasing pinapagalitan si Nachi ng Papa niya kaya pakiramdam niya ay walang interesado sa buhay niya," nalulungkot na sabi ni Mama at marahang hinawakan saka pinisil ang kamay ko sa ilalim ng mesa.

Natahimik ang mesa, sa tingin ko ata ay na-spoil ko ang kasiyahan. In my peripheral vision, I saw Clajj staring at me. Mabuti nalang at sinalo ni Tita ang usapan at ipinakilala si Clajj.

"Estella, si Clajj nga pala. Siya ang panganay na anak ni Raegan."

"Hi hijo!" Masiglang bati ni Mama habang nakangiti ng matamis. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Auntie Estella." Clajj smiled back at my mother.

"Are you still studying or you're already graduated?"

"I'm still studying, Auntie Estella. I'm already in my second year in Civil Engineering."

"Oh, that's good!" Mama seems interested at him. "Anyways, how old are you Clajj?"

"I'm twenty, Auntie."

My breathing hitch because of the intensity of Clajj's eyes while looking at me. He's shamelessly staring at me for damn sake!

Natapos kami sa pagkain at si Zai ay nag-ayang uminom. Si Mama at Tita Zadie ay nakisama na sa mga nagbi-videoke at hinihila nila si Clajj. Wala akong kasama sa loob ng bahay kung sakali, kaya pumayag ako sa alok ni Zai at nandito kaming tatlo malapit sa garden nila, medyo may kalayuan sa mga nagbi-videoke.

Zai and Josh are drinking alcoholic drink, while I'm just drink some particular soda. We talked about some random things, until Clajj showed up and sat beside me.

"Itong si Clajj talaga, speed!' Napailing habang nakangiti si Zai at binigyan niya si Clajj ng maiinom.

Nakaraming bote na sila pero mukhang hindi parin sila tinatamaan ng alak. Clajj's drinking the drink like water, same as Zai and Josh.

Si Zai kanina pa sulyap nang sulyap sa akin na parang may sasabihin pero pagkalipas ng ilang segundo ay ititikom na naman ang bibig. Ilang minutong gano'n ang inakto ni Zai at hindi na ako nagiging komportable kaya ako na ang nagbukas ng usapan.

"Ano 'yon, Zai? Mukhang may itatanong ka."

"Sienna Saachi Gallegos, sigurado ka ba talaga na hindi mo kilala itong si Clajj? It's just that your eyes were saying otherwise."

"I only know his name, that's all." I honestly answered.

"So cold, Nachi!" Wika ni Zai. "Kung gusto mo, ipakikilala ko sa'yo si Clajj, para hindi lang basta pangalan ang alam mo kung hindi pati narin ang mga plus points sa kaniya."

"No need since I'm not interested, Zai." I sipped my soda in a calm manner.

"Ooh, what a bummer." Josh uttered in exxage tone and acted like what I've said was a fatal kind of pain.

"It's better to tell the painful truth than feeding lies, Josh. I only know Clajj's name, and what's so bad about it? We just met so Zai shouldn't expect that we already know each other in a deeper way."

"Grabe ka, Nachi! I really feel that you're just scared to let your guards down." Nakangising sabi ni Zai at napailing si Josh sa tabi niya. "Clajj is harmless! Are you that scared? Don't worry, gusto lang naman ni Clajj na makipagkaibigan na pwede ring umabot sa pagkaka-ibigan."

Natawa silang pareho maliban sa amin ni Clajj. I glanced at him, and his hooded eyes were piercing at me like I did something that could put me behind bars.

"I have a boyfriend," I said in monotone.

"Sus, Nachi! Wala namang permanente sa mundo, 'yong mga mga-asawa nga ay naghihiwalay. You know time flies, and your feelings towards other people either fade or grow."

"I know that too bad. It's not that my boyfriend and I will spend a lifetime together. Also, you couldn't assure that you two will stay long, Zai. I'm not being bitter or what, but that's also the reality."

Our table went silent. I drank the whole bottle of alcoholic drink. "And you're right Zai, nothing is permanent in this world. Someone dear to me fades his affection on me, and I'm aware of that. Tss, suck to be being observant. And the truth is, I don't recognize myself anymore trying to please everyone."

Kinuha ni Clajj ang bote sa hawak ko at inilapag iyon sa mesa. Kumuha siya ng tissue para pahiran ang kamay kong nagkaroon ng cheese powder dahil sa kinain naming junk foods.

"You don't need everyone to like you, only a few is enough." I could hear the softness in his voice and it sent shiver down my spine.

What he said was right. I don't need everyone to like me. But Clajj's saying it like it was an easy thing to do! I need Papa to see my worth, and that is everything. My pain and hardships will be validated.

"Did you ever experience that someone made you feel worthless and not needed in this world? If you didn't, then I will appreciate it if you'll keep you mouth shut."

Umawang ang labi ni Clajj nang sabihin ko iyon. Hindi ako umimik at kinuha ulit ang inumin saka basta iyong inilagok. Tumahimik ang buong mesa. Bitterness crept in my system as I realized that I'm spoiling their night too much.

I saw Zai and Josh deliberately shut their mouths. Siguro ay nakikiramdam din sila sa tensyon sa paligid. I sighed and stood up, they looked at me with brows furrowed.

"Uh, magbabanyo lang ako." Tangi kong sabi at hindi na hinintay ang magiging tugon nila.

Napasuklay ako ng buhok at napakagat ng labi nang tuluyan nang makalayo. I cursed myself for letting my emotions rule me.

"They don't know your story, Sienna. Huwag mo silang pagbuntungan," paalala ko sa sarili at napahilamos.

I sighed again to calm myself but I stilled and gasped in shock when a warm hand held my arm.

The softnesss and sincerity is evident in his brown hooded eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I am definitely okay," I gently answered then trying to remove his hand.

"You're lying," he softly stated.

"No, I'm not!"

"There's no need to mask what you're truly feeling. You don't have to show everyone you're strong when you feel so weak and broken. You can cry, it's still a form of bravery. Someone out there is more than willing to serve as shoulder in order for you to lean on, and wipe your eyes everytime you shed tears. Because crying is how our body speaks when our mouth can't explain how we feel."

Clajj held both of my arm, and eventually his thumb wiped my tears. Ni hindi ko nga alam na lumuha na ako. "I'm here... and I'm more than willing. Cry all you want, I won't judge you."

I took a step back and glared at him. I harshly wiped my tears and sighed deeply. "Why are you intruding someone's life? Who are you to say that to me?! You're a typical guy I just met!"

Hindi siya umimik at nanatiling nakatingin sa akin ng seryoso hanggang sa unti-unting namumungay ang mata niya. Kinuha ko ang pagkakataong iyon para dugtungan ang sinabi ko.

"I don't need you! I don't need anyone to pity me. I can handle myself and my own problems just fine. You have the outgoing guts of telling me to show my true self, I don't even know if you're showing the real you."

"I don't have to pretend of who I am, and I don't care if they either accept or hate my flaws, but at least I'm true to myself. And I don't feel pity over you, Nachi. I just care for you. I came near you with pure intention, and I kinda feel off seeing you cry or hurting because it just doesn't suit you. Hindi mo naman kailangang kimkimin ang lahat. We'll help lighten your darkest days, believe me... just try to depend on us a little." He said in a soft and sincere voice. I'm not used to this... of letting someone seeing me cry. Clajj is a bad news to me, and I should avoid him.

I looked at him in disbelief. "You don't know me. You don't know everything so stop acting like you know what I feel."

Hindi siya nakasagot. Gusto kong umirap dahil sa paging mamarunong niya. I shouldn't feel guilty dahil pilit siyang nanghihimasok. Iniwan ko siya roon at pumasok ng bahay. I just don't want to have a conversation with Clajj right now, 'cause I may lash out everything on him.

It's nearly two in the morning yet the people outside Tita Zadie's house are getting wilder. Hindi ko na kayang bumalik sa kanila Zai dahil sa nangyari kanina. Naglakad ako papalapit sa balkonahe at napayakap sa sarili dahil sa lamig dulot ng umalulong hangin.

I sighed and stared blankly at the shining stars in the night sky. They say, sharing your problems to others can ease the pain you're feeling, but for me, why is it the reverse?

I saw Navee's post earlier. My heart swelled and my hopes faded. Three of them are in the pictures— smiling genuinely and happily. The caption in Navee's post is 'The best Christmas ever! It's a special day where we're stress-free and all we think about is happiness and family!'

I came in a thought, aren't they happy when Mama and I were there?

I posted the photos I've taken earlier on Facebook and Instagram. I wanted Papa to know that I'm happy and enjoying my stay here in Rio de Janiero. That even his decision is to not spend the holiday with us, Mama and I are able to make to most of our Christmas.

"Sienna, baby..." Mama's soft voice dominated from behind that pulled me from deep and saddening thoughts.

"Hi, Mama." I said giddily and smiled sweetly to hide my previous feelings that I shouldn't show because it'll only worry her.

"Merry Christmas, baby!" Mama joyously greeted.

I looked at Mama for a moment before attacking her with hug. We stay like that for a while, Mama's caressing my hair and it's giving me a nice and solace feeling.

"A very merry Christmas to you too, Mama. I love you!"

Kumalas si Mama sa yakapan namin at hinawakan ang magkabilaan kong pisngi. "Aw, my sweet baby. Always remember, Mama loves you too so much... more than anything and everything in this world."

My eyes glistened in shock as I saw Mama let out a tiny black box with gray ribbon. She smiled before handing it to me. Nanginginig ang kamay ko sa tuwa habang binubuksan iyon.

I gaped as the minimalist infinity necklace welcome me. It's in rose gold color and the infinity pendant is filled with diamond studs.

"Let me do the honor," Mama said, the smile on her lips never faded. Pinatalikod ako ni Mama at ipinasuot iyon sa akin.

"It suits you well, baby!" Mama complimented.

I chuckle heartily and made some poses, earning genuine laugh from her. It's not that I'm being dramatic but I'm so touch by Mama's gift for me! Infinity means forever, everlasting, and eternity. I swear I'm gonna treasure this gift for a lifetime.

Mama caressed my face and looked at me lovingly. "I gave that present as it symbolizes my love for you, my baby. I will always be there for you and I won't let anyone hurt you. Don't ever think you're all alone in the battle of your life. Life may be full of ups and downs, but in the end you'll realize how worth it will be after you surpassed it. I'll be your teacher, your soldier, your number one supporter, and your mother. I won't get tired of loving you, my baby, and you're a Gallegos, so don't give up and strengthen yourself."

After what Mama said, and just like that, my spirit and hope immensely lifted. My energy was regenerated, and happiness crept to my system. Napahikbi ako. Mama really have that power on me. She's my everything. She's the one who never gets tired of me.

No words can tell how much I love her. No words can tell how am I so fortunate to have a lovable, and kind mother like... Estella Nerisse Gallegos.

"Thank you, Mama. I don't know what to do without you. I love you so much, and you're my everything. As in... everything."