Chapter 91 : You Can Tell Me Anything
Chapter 91: You Can Tell Me Anything
Callan
Asher had done enormous damage there and each time I am in one of those positions, I can't help thinking about how he made me stay like this for hours. This usually makes the old Callan more present in my head and I plainly hate all the self-deprecating thoughts that go with it. In truth, I am getting scared that I will never be able to really submit to one of those gorgeous males because of my pants and that I will have to kiss all the intense fantasies I have in the back of my mind goodbye.
The thoughts occurred to me Monday night when I was alone in my bed and have been depressed ever since. When daddy told me I should only consider surrendering to properly trained dominants, it seemed perfectly logical but when you think about it, isn't it a bit stupid for an abuse victim to go looking for other controlling men? How can I be able to completely trust them when deep down I will always be scared they will do something like Asher did? Even if I have tried to put on a good face, I can tell daddy knows something is off. He kept encouraging me during our training session and stopped them when I got too frustrated with myself. Perhaps that is why he had arranged today's meeting even though he says it is a usual thing during a submissive’s training. I am on my way to the club to meet Nick, an experienced submissive. So that I can ask him any questions I might have. I am not sure how it could help but I did promise daddy I would follow his advice so I didn't object.
I think I expected a quiet and obedient boy so I am a bit surprised to be greeted by a joyful and overexcited guy. A bit like I should be if I wasn't in a gloomy mood.
“Hi, I am Nick.” He greeted me at the door of the club.
“Master Gideon told me you were training to be a submissive at the club?”
“Yes, I am Callan.” I replied.
“I am so excited.” He said and I can see that.
“Usually, master Gideon never lets me talk with the submissive who wants to join. I think he is afraid I might corrupt them.”
“Corrupt them?”
“Yes, teach them how to misbehave.” He smirked mischievously
Forget about quiet and obedient then, it seems daddy knew what he was doing once again.
“Oh, I am sure I already know all about that.” I answered with some tone.
“We will see.” He replied, putting his arm around my shoulder and guiding me to the end of the corridor Gideon's office is.
He opened the last door and we entered a huge locker room. There were wooden tables and benches in the space at the entrance. In front of all the walls of big lockers, on the left, I can see there is an area with stalls and communal showers.
“This is the submissive’s room.” He explained.
“We prepare here before enjoying the night in the club. Some of us eat our dinner here and we can talk among ourselves apart from the dominant. Only master Gideon and master Damien, his second-in-command and the security men are allowed in here, apart from the submissive of course and they rarely come in here.” He lets me take in the room before we have a seat at one of the tables.
“So did you have any questions?” He said.
“More than a question, I have a problem.” I replied after taking a deep breath.
I am not sure how much I will be comfortable telling him but he seemed far from the picture of a submissive I had in my head that I have to try to understand how he can do what I can't.
“You can tell me anything.” He said gently.
“Here, there is no bullying and we try not to judge each other. We all have our issues and we mostly stick together. Master Gideon wouldn't allow any kind of harassment in any case.”
“I really want to join and get into an intense scene with dominants.” I began.
“Gideon invited me to the club last weekend to watch the show and the threesome was so hot.”
“I know, right?” He interrupted me.
“Sorry, please go on.” He apologized immediately after.
“Don't be, so I can't wait to participate in this kind of scene but I am having a lot of trouble with the training. I just plainly hate kneeling and I can't relax whenever I am in this position. I find it so boring and instead of trusting the dominant I submitted to like I should, I can't help but think he is going to use the control I gave him to fuck with my head.”
“Oh my goodness, I was exactly like you at the beginning!” He exclaimed.
Yes, I should really have known better and trusted daddy to find exactly the person I needed.
“You shouldn't think like this, but I totally get your point.” He continued.
“How did you get past this feeling?” I asked excitedly.
Maybe he will come up with an effective solution.
“First, you have to remember before you go into a scene that you are always in control. If you are anything like I was, I bet you are afraid to surrender all your power to a big scary dominant. The thing is you are surrendering and it is fantastic but at the same time, you are never in any danger. You can safeword at any time and they will have to stop. All the dominants in the club respect the submissive's use of a safeword. Last time one didn't and he was suspended from the club and never allowed back.”
Wow, though daddy told me he didn't joke with the security of his boys, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.
“Also dominant are not jerks.” He added.
“Even if you don't say anything and something goes wrong, they can usually tell from your body language, they always find a way to ease you back into the scene if they can and stop if it is just too much.”
Yes, I can keep telling myself this but it won't help much. In my mind, they will always be like Asher, his friends or the two guys in the backroom of the club the other day.
“The thing that really helped me though is when master Gideon had a private training session with me that turned out pretty hot.” He concluded.
“He put the kneeling in context with, you know, sex scene and this was when I understood that what I found so dull is actually quite arousing. Now, I am hard each time I get in a submissive pose in front of a dominant.