Chapter 33 BEYOND THE VEIL

Chapter 33 BEYOND THE VEIL
CHAPTER 033: BEYOND THE VEIL

I collapse on the ground where the portal was before.

My hands scrape the broken stone, but the pain is nothing compared to the emptiness in my chest.

Kieran is gone.

"Thalira." Alaric suddenly stand beside me. He tries to pull me up but I shove him away.

"Don't touch me."

"You're hurt. We need to get you to the healer."

"I don't care." My voice breaks. "He's gone. Kieran's gone and it's my fault."

"It's not your fault." Cassian appears on my other side. "He chose to attack. He knew what he was doing."

"He didn't choose to go through the portal."

"No but he chose to fight." Zev crouches in front of me. His eyes are softer than I've ever seen them. "That's what he does. That's who he is."

"Who he was." Tears stream down my face. "Who gave you the right to use past tense because he's not here anymore."

Sofia pushes through the boys and bend down beside me. "Thalira listen to me. The portal closed but that doesn't mean it's permanent. We can open it again."

"How?"

"I don't know but we'll figure it out." She takes my hands. "We're not giving up on him. Do you hear me? We're not."

I want to believe her but the hollow space where Kieran's presence used to be is overwhelming. Even without the bond I could always feel him nearby.

Morgana walked over to us. She's pale and shaking. Whatever my mother did when she possessed her body clearly took a toll.

"Is she okay?" she asks.

"No," I say flatly.

"Stupid question." She sits heavily on the ground. "Your mom was intense. I felt everything she felt when she was using me. All that love for you. All that rage at him." She pauses. "All that guilt."

I look at her. "Guilt for what?"

"For leaving you. For dying. For not being strong enough to protect you from him." Morgana wraps her arms around herself. "She's been watching you this whole time. Through the fragment she left behind. Watching you die over and over and not being able to stop it."

My throat tightens. "She said she loved me."

"She did. She does." Morgana meets my eyes. "And she's still here. That fragment didn't dissolve. I can feel it. She's just resting now."

"Can you talk to her?"

"Not yet but maybe eventually." She glances at the space where the portal was. "She might know how to get him back."

"How long until she wakes up?"

"I don't know, it could be hours or days."

"We don't have days." I force myself to stand. "We need to figure this out now."

"You need medical attention now," Alaric says firmly. "The rest can wait."

"No it can't."

"Thalira you're bleeding. You probably have broken your ribs. And you just absorbed enough of the Hollow King's power to kill a normal person." He steps in front of me. "You're going to the infirmary even if I have to carry you there."

"I'd like to see you try."

His eyes flash red. "Don't test me."

We glare at each other.

Cassian steps between us. "How about a compromise? We go to the infirmary. Get Thalira patched up. And while that's happening Morgana tries to contact her mom fragment thing. That way we're doing both."

I want to argue but my vision is starting to blur around the edges. Maybe Alaric has a point about the blood loss.

"Fine," I mutter.

The infirmary is overwhelmed. Students on every bed. Some on the floor. Healers rush between patients trying to handle the worst injuries first.

A healer takes one look at me and points to an empty cot in the corner. "Sit."

I sit. She cut my shirt to examine the claw marks across my ribs.

"Deep but clean," she says. "You're lucky it didn't puncture a lung."

"Lucky," I repeat bitterly.

She doesn't respond and just starts cleaning the wounds. It stings like hell but I don't make a sound.

Morgana sits on the cot next to mine. She close her eyes, her breathing slows.

"What's she doing?" Sofia asks.

"Trying to reach the fragment," Zev explains. "It's like dream walking but internal instead of external."

The healer wraps my ribs in bandages and gives me pain reliever for the pain. I refuse to drink it until she threatens to have Alaric hold me down.

I finally forced myself to drink it.

"That was fast," I mumble.

"It's a strong dose," the healer says. "You need rest."

"I can't rest, I have to find Kieran."

"Kieran can wait until you're not dying."

"Not dying. Just bleeding."

"Same thing if you don't let me work."

My eyes start to close. I fight it but the medicine is stronger than my consciousness.

The last thing I see is Morgana's eyes snapping open.

"I found her," she gasps.

Then everything goes black.

I dream of fire again.

But this time it's different. I'm not burning. I'm standing in flames but it don't hurt. It just feel like home.

"Hello baby."

I turn and see my mother there.

"Mom?" I called, softly.

She smiles. "Not quite. Just the fragment. But close enough."

I run to her and hug her. She's warm and solid and I can smell jasmine.

"I missed you," I sob.

"I know sweetheart. I missed you too." She pulls back to look at my face. "You've grown so strong. I'm so proud of you."

"I'm not strong. I'm a mess. Everything I touch breaks and now Kieran's gone because I couldn't protect him."

"Kieran's gone because he chose to protect you." She cups my face. "That's not your fault. That's love."

"Love shouldn't hurt this much."

"The best kinds always do." She wipes my tears. "But you're not alone. You have the other boys. You have your friends. And you have me. What's left of me anyway."

"Morgana said you might know how to get him back."

Her expression turns serious. "I do but you're not going to like it."

My stomach drops. "What do you mean?"

"The portal closed because the Hollow King's power collapsed. But he's not dead, he's just trapped in his own realm with Kieran." She takes my hands. "To open a portal from this side you'll need the same amount of power he had. Maybe more."

"Where am I supposed to get that kind of power?"

She's quiet for a moment. "From the same place he got it. From death."

"You want me to die," I whisper.

"You won't die, it won't be permanent." She squeezes my hands. "But you're a Phoenix Soul. When you die you release massive amounts of energy. Enough to tear open a portal. Enough to reach him."

"And then what? I come back and he's still trapped?"

"No. When you go through the portal you bring him back with you. Your rebirth pulls him through."

"That's insane."

"It's the only way."

I pull my hands from hers. "There has to be another option."

"There isn't. I've had seventeen years to study this. To understand how the Hollow King's portals work. This is the only way to reach Kieran."

"So I just kill myself and hope it works?"

"You shouldn't hope, you should know." She steps closer. "I'll guide you. Make sure you come back. Make sure you don't lose yourself in the rebirth."

"What if something goes wrong?"

"Then you don't come back and Kieran stays trapped forever." Her voice is gentle but firm. "But I don't think you're the kind of girl who lets that happen."

"How long do I have to decide?" I ask.

"Not long. The longer Kieran stays in the Hollow King's realm the more it changes him. That place corrupts everything it touches. If we wait too long he won't be Kieran anymore."

My chest tightens. "How long is too long?"

"Days. Maybe a week." She touches my face again. "I know it's asking a lot. But he came back for you. Now you have to go get him."

The dream starts to fade.

"Wait. How do I even die on purpose? I can't just jump off a building or a cliff."

"You're creative. You'll figure it out." She's disappearing. "I love you Thalira. Your father loved you too. The man he was before the Hollow King consumed him. Remember that."

Then I open my eyes.

The infirmary is darker now. Most of the candles have burned out. Sofia is asleep in a chair beside my bed. The three boys are sprawled on the floor nearby.

Morgana is still awake. Watching me.

"You talked to her," she says quietly.

"Yeah."

"Did she tell you how to get him back?"

I nod.

"And?"

I look at the sleeping forms of my friends. At the ruins of the academy visible through the window. At my hands that are still stained with blood.

"And I have to die," I say.

Morgana doesn't look surprised. "When?"

"Soon. Before he changes into something else."

She's quiet for a moment. Then "How can I help?"

"You can't. This is something I have to do alone."

"You're never alone." She glances at the boys. "They're not going to let you do this."

"I know."

"So what's the plan?"

I take a breath. "I'm going to lie to them."

Her eyes widen. "Thalira—"

"I don't have a choice. If I tell them what I'm planning they'll try to stop me. And I can't let that happen." I meet her gaze. "Kieran is trapped in hell because of me. I'm getting him out even if it kills me. Which it will. Temporarily at least."

"This is insane."

"Probably." I swing my legs off the cot. My ribs scream at me not to go. "But I'm doing it anyway."

"At least let me come with you. As backup."

"No. I need you here. To make sure they don't do something stupid when I'm dead."

"When you're dead." She laughs but it sounds broken. "Listen to us. We're talking about your death like it's a trip to the market."

"Welcome to my life."

She stands and pulls me into a hug. "You better come back."

"I will. With Kieran."

"You better."

We pull apart and I run to my room to start gathering my things, my blade, the charms Sofia made. A clean shirt because the one I wear is shredded.

"Thalira," Morgana says as I'm about to leave. "For what it's worth I think you're incredibly brave. And incredibly stupid. And I'm glad we're friends now instead of enemies."

"Me too."

I slip out of the infirmary before anyone else wakes up.

I make my way to the astronomy tower. The highest point in the school. The place where falling would definitely kill me.

I climb the spiral stairs. Each step sends pain through my ribs but I don't stop.

At the top I push open the door and step onto the observation deck.

The sky is clear. Stars everywhere. The moon is full and bright.

It's beautiful.

I walk to the edge and look down. It's a long drop. Long enough.

I take a breath.

"Sorry Sofia. Sorry guys. But I have to do this."

I close my eyes and step forward.

But suddenly a hand grab me and yank me backward.

I crash into someone's chest.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I look up.

Alaric is holding me. His eyes are terrified.

Behind him stand Cassian and Zev.

"How did you know?" I whisper.

"Morgana told us," Cassian says. "Said you were planning something stupid."

"Traitor," I mutter.

"She saved your life," Alaric snaps. "You were about to jump off a tower."

"I have to. It's the only way to get Kieran back."

"By killing yourself?" Zev steps forward. "That's your plan?"

"Yes."

"No," Alaric says flatly. "Absolutely not."

"You don't get to decide."

"Actually we do." He doesn't let go of me. "Because apparently you've lost your mind and someone needs to stop you from doing something irreversible."

"It's not irreversible. I'll come back. I always come back."

"What if you don't?" Cassian demands. "What if this time you stay dead?"

"Then Kieran stays trapped."

"And that's worth your life?"

"Yes." I try to pull away from Alaric but his grip is too strong. "He came back for me. I owe him this."

"You don't owe him your death," Zev says quietly.

"Maybe not but I owe him a chance." My voice breaks. "I can't leave him there. I can't."

The three of them exchange looks.

Finally Alaric says "Then we're coming with you."

I blink. "What?"

"You heard me. If you're determined to do this suicidal thing then we're coming with you."

"You can't. Only Phoenix Souls can open portals through death."

"Then we'll follow you through once it's open," Cassian says.

"No. It's too dangerous."

"We don't care," Zev says.

Alaric finally releases me but doesn't step back. "You're not doing this alone Thalira. Either we all go or none of us go."

I stare at them. At their determined faces. Their stubborn expressions.

"You're all insane," I whisper.

"Probably," Cassian grins. "But we're kind of insane."

I want to argue but I can't. Because deep down I don't want to do this alone.

I'm terrified.

"Okay," I say finally. "But we do this my way."

"Deal," Alaric says.

I look back at the edge of the tower. At the long drop.

"This is going to hurt."

"Everything worth doing does," Zev says.

I take their hands.

"On three?" Cassian suggests.

"On three," I agree.

We stand at the edge together.

"One."

The wind picks up.

"Two."

My heart pounds.

"Three."

We jump.