Twenty-Two

"So, what are you up to, Lewan?" Logan asked while bringing his glass to his lips.

She was better than this. She was so better than this.

"Nothing much, Letrol." She was so not better than that.

Logan looked annoyed, like he had excepted her to keep quiet and take his shit.

She didn't give a fuck what he expected.

Beside her, she felt Raph tense.

This was all his fault, she thought resentfully. If he weren't so pretty and so nice, maybe she wouldn't have fallen in love with him and maybe she wouldn't be here with her ex smiling like Voldemort across a probably expensive-ass table and her ex's date giving the man she loved throw-me-on-the-table-and-fuck-me eyes.

Wait, what?

She's checking out your man, girl, her mind supplied helpfully.

No, the other part.

I love him.

Holy hallelujahs above, she loved him!

As if summoned, the little cuties with diapers and wings started the hymn that so suited her Come to Heaven moment.

"Legend. Are you OK? "She whipped around to find Raph looking at her with concern written all over his fucking hot face.

No, I am NOT fucking OK! I love you!

"I'm fine." She squeaked.

"Is the salmon too spicy, my dear?" Mrs. Perdome asked.

Salmon? Is that what that was? Legend was thinking along the lines of meth, cocaine, etc. Because that was the only way she'd consider loving Raph—if she were high.

"The salmon is perfect." My head's not. She needed to get her head checked, in fact. Maybe she had fallen off the bed one too many times and her skull was now cracked.

Shaking her head, she looked at Maryanne who was still ogling the rise and fall of Raph's throat as he chewed and cleared her throat.

Maryanne blinked her long, probably fake lashes and shot Legend an I-can't-help-myself grin.

Eye roll.

She studied her. Maryanne was pretty and way thinner than Legend was with bee stung lips that actually looked like real bees had stung them and boobs that were straining against the front of her dress. In other words, Hollywood starlet look alike.

"So, Maryanne, what do you do?" Legend asked conversationally, taking a sip of her Merlot. The other alternative was to regurgitate crack-salmon, and something told her that wouldn't be appreciated.

"I'm a secretary." Her voice was high-pitched, sing song, girly, everything Legend's voice wasn't. A lot of men liked that type of voice. Legend thought she sounded like a mouse squeaking away.

"I used to walk for Raphael before." She added that bit of totally unasked for and so not needed history tidbit with a smile at Raphael who shifted uncomfortably and suddenly seemed super focused on his meal.

In that moment, Legend thanked the stars that she had never had office sex with Raph before. She was sure Maryanne's skinny butt print was gonna be all over his table.

"That's nice," she hummed with a serene calm she didn't feel. Logan was studying her, probably wondering what happened to the woman who used to say how high when everyone said jump.

She stuck a piece of fish into her mouth daintily and returned his microscopic glare.

"Your father and I are planning on going to Bali," Helene chirped after a long, awkward moment of glaring (Legend and Logan), being eye-fucked (Raph) and eye-fucking (Maryanne), and being oblivious to the tension in the room (Mr. Perdome, bless his soul).

"Oh, that's great!" Maryanne gushed and Logan looked mildly irritated that they had moved to safer ground.

He wasn't that way for long, however, because he soon found a new way to embarrass her.

"Have you ever been? I'm sure they don't pay Comic writers that well." He feigned sympathy for her lack of monetary funds.

Joke's on him, though. Legend made a shit-ton of money.

And blew it on weird clothing.

Oh, shut up, she told herself while trying to contemplate the nicest way to tell Logan to fuck off.

Maybe she could pull her phone out and conduct a quick Google search under the table; How to tell someone to take a hike but in an inoffensive manner.

She doubted she'd find anything that didn't involve her heels up his ass.

She had finally settled on ‘Please, stop talking to me' when Raph beat her to it. Grabbing her hand, he laced his fingers through hers and shot Logan a smile that would have frozen hell.

"Actually, we've been thinking on taking a trip to somewhere tropical?"

"We have?" Legend hadn't been aware of this plan. She silently wondered where she had been when he and some strange girl in a Legend bodysuit had talked about this.

"We are," he answered firmly, his eyes on Logan, whose smile had gone from a hundred megawatts to nothing.

"Oh, that's nice. You could certainly use a break." Mr. Perdome nodded in agreement.

"Maybe you could go to Hawaii." Maryanne rendered her not needed suggestion.

"It was so gorge when Raph and I spent time there," she continued. Legend wondered if public enemy number 1 was doing it on purpose or if she was just as dumb as a duck. Probably the first, judging from the way she talked about her and Raph like they were still a thing.

Legend couldn't blame her, though. Raph was adorably perfect, and she could see why Maryanne would want to rekindle old flames. Even though she was standing ready with the fire extinguisher, Legend couldn't help but notice how much Maryanne suited Raph. She was like all these hot, tanned and toned Sports illustrated cover girls with more hair than a shampoo ad and a big, white smile that could be seen on the red carpet. She wasn't meh like Legend, was spit and polish, unlike Legend and didn't need to wear a push up bra to have cleavage. Like Legend.

She could just picture them in a white picket scenario with kids that would like models for genetic editing. Maryanne would keep the house like a good, little housewife while Raph played golf with his buddies and talked business or whatever made men's eyes glaze over.

"Who's ready for dessert?"

Mrs. Perdome's cheerful declaration brought Legend back from the land if horrible daymares.

She looked over at Maryanne and caught her with a strange look in her eye.

That look that said you weren't quite over someone yet.

***

Her suspicions were confirmed when Maryanne came in while she was lining her lips in the restroom. She'd fled the dining room immediately after the meal to escape the awkward we're-brothers-with-no-love-lost thing Raph and Logan had going on.

After giving herself a pep talk on the cons of jumping out through the restroom's window and making her escape—the lead point being she'd snag her pretty dress on something and rip it; Logan wasn't worth a torn Calvin Klein—she'd pulled out her tube of Mac, and that was when Maryanne sauntered in, smiling at Legend like it wasn't weird to walk into an already occupied restroom without making your presence known through yodeling or the most common way, knocking.

Doing her best to ignore Raph's ex, Legend applied a fresh layer of macchiato-flavored lipstick, avoiding eye contact with said ex, who was still smiling like a loon.

"You're so pretty," Maryanne sighed wistfully.

OK, that didn't exactly sound like "I'm going to steal Raph back and make him mine " but maybe that was code.

"Thanks, I guess?" Oh, Legend didn't just guess, she knew something was fishy and it wasn't just the dinner she'd wolfed down a while ago, thank you very much.

"I can see why Raph likes you. You're smart, too." She giggles.

"I like to think I am, yes."

"Then you know this isn't going to work out," She gave Legend a sympathetic smile that was half grimace and lots of fake.

Ah, there we go, Legend thought as she turned to face Maryanne.

"What isn't going to work out? You trying to get back into Raph's briefs?" Another place, another time, Legend would've high fived herself for the way she calmly delivered that comeback, but this was serious business.

Maryanne looked shocked.

"Is that what you think I'm trying to do? Heavens, no!"

Now, why didn't Legend buy that?

"Raph is a really good guy, the best actually, but he has...issues." She finished conspiratorially.

When she realized, however, that Legend wasn't going to bite and ask what issues, she decided to soldier on and put her pretty, little neck at risk, anyway.

"He suddenly gets all closed off and before you know it, he's gone." She shook her head sadly.

"Well, seeing as we're only dating to bump boots, I'm sure I won't cry when he goes." Legend shot back idly. She didn't know if Maryanne's jaw was almost knee length because she was horrified by Legend's laidback comment or if it was because she couldn't understand what bumping boots meant.

Either way, Legend didn't care. Grabbing her clutch, she smiled at Maryanne through the mirror, preparing to leave and find Raph and subtly get him in the car and make them leave this horrible situation. She didn't know how she'd manage the subtle part, but a girl could try.

She hadn't taken more than a step from the bathroom door when she slammed into the other one. Seriously, she must've worn her annoying people attractor rather than her asshole repellent. Two of them that night was just too much.

"Was on my way to make sure you weren't stealing the toilet paper." Logan sneered down at her, and she rolled her eyes. If that was the best he could come up with, he really needed to get a feel of what snark was. That, naturally, was why Legend existed.

"I would be more concerned about your girlfriend, Logan. I have a job whose qualifications doesn't need me to be dumb." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in her "bring it on, motherfucker" pose.

"Yet, you are."

"I was when I was sucking your dick. What do you want?"

"I want you to leave my brother alone," he said.

Legend stared at him incredulously.

"Why do you sound like you give a shit? 'Cause we both know you don't. "

Logan smiled down at him. He loved to smile, she noticed, like a low budget Joker, probably the Jack Napier kind.

"And we both know you're trying to get back together with me. It won't work."

Legend was so shocked that she just had to laugh. This kind of situation called for hearty, no-holds-barred, tears-streaming-down-your-face laughter, and Legend did just that, yukking it up.

Logan obviously didn't like being laughed at.

Too bad. If he didn't want that, he should keep his funny ass, conceited rubbish to himself—because he frowned and asked pointedly what the fuck she thought she was laughing at.

"You, of course," Legend gasped, wiping her eyes.

"It's been fun—not—but I feel really stupid standing here, listening to your myopic, me-me-me opinions, so I'm gonna scoot. Why dontcha hop in there and check that Maryanne hasn't made away with the toilet seat? I think she thought that was actual gold." She slapped him hard on the shoulder and sashayed away, still chuckling at his boldness.

Coffee in hand, Raph was about to come after her from the looks of it, but that look vanished when Legend came in, still high off her little talk with Mr. Ex-I-Suck-Boyfriend—someone play Badass Woman.

Smiling at Raph, she grabbed a cup of all that caffeine-y goodness and sat her pretty awesome butt next to him.

He eyed her suspiciously, probably because she was grinning like a lunatic—sweet Jesus, whatever Logan had was contagious—but she paid him no mind. She turned to his parents and murmured her thanks before taking a sip of the coffee.

"Whatever are they doing in there?" Mr. Perdome wondered aloud.

Legend nudged Raph and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Probably doing things quickie-ly," she muttered.

Raph choked on his coffee and hoped his parents hadn't had that.

But they had. They looked stunned for a moment, before bursting into laughter. That's it. His parents were officially crazy. In fact, they needed shock therapy, ASAP.

"I like this one," his dad approved, earning him a toothy, angelic smile from Legend.

What was wrong with her, anyway? Before she'd left for the bathroom, she'd been short of biting her nails off but now, she couldn't stop smiling like she'd gotten lucky and had found a crack dealer on the way to the bathroom.

Logan and Maryanne still hadn't appeared by the time they were through with their coffee and slipping on their coats, and even though he was thankful he wasn't dealing with their shit, he was a little concerned.

"Legend?" He whispered from the corner of his mouth as Mom and Dad kissed them goodbye.

"Yes, baby?" She answered breezily.

Okaaaay.

"You didn't tie them to the bathtub, did you?"

He opened the door and they stepped out into the chilly Sunday night.

"Nope," she popped her p. So, someone was really happy. "But I had words with them. I think they're plotting my demise." She cackled, actually cackled at the thought of Logan and the party crasher planning to kill her.

If Raph didn't know before, he knew now.

He loved Legend Freeman. He loved her so much that he had forgotten he was supposed to keep his distance and had asked her to be his girlfriend.

It would hurt when he had to let go.

It's to protect her, his subconscious reassured.

Why did it fucking hurt so much, then?