Sixteen

Raph's mom was nice.

And most importantly, she didn't remember Legend.

She had tried so hard to blend in with the off-white kitchen, but she couldn't pull that one off. Then, she had seriously considered folding herself into a nice, little, near pile and fitting herself into a pot. Another feat that was purely impossible for the woman who ate impossible—she couldn't count the number of times she had almost killed herself with an eyelash—for breakfast.

Raph wasn't even helping matters. While she was trying to make herself invisible by shying away in a corner, Raph had proudly thrust her forward like he was still in high school and she was his first girlfriend. His mom had oohed and aahed like she was clothed in Versace rather than a torn T-shirt and ugly boxers—another strike against Raph; he'd let his mother see her dressed like a beggar.

She drew her down and enveloped her in a lilac-scented hug while warning sternly that she was to be called Helene. Legend was surprised and flushed a little as she tried not to sniff her like a creep. She was seriously considering keeping his mum forever.

She changed her mind when she found out the reason for Mrs. Perdome's visit. Apparently, one of her offspring—no prizes for guessing who the tattletale was—had told her he had ‘serious concerns'. Ha. The only thing that was of concern to Logan was if a Valentino suit made his ass look bigger than a Chanel design did.

"I'm worried," she sipped her tea delicately. Legend felt like a pig and looked down at her breakfast which she had already almost finished. In two minutes.

Way to make a good second impression. She discreetly pushed her plate away. Raph noticed.

"You aren't hungry? You're always hungry. Are you sick or something?" He asked with a frown. Legend wanted to die, but since dying of mortification in the presence of the mother of the man who was supposed to be her friend and fuckmate was out of the question, she settled for taking a big gulp of her orange juice and made herself look like a frog in the process.

"Are you fighting with your brother again? " Helene asked in that patient tone mothers seemed to be born with.

Raph shrugged.

"He can be an idiot sometimes."

All the time. But her input wasn't appreciated, so she kept it in her head.

"He is also your brother," she admonished sternly. "The last time you two fought, it took a trip to South America and a kayak to get you to even be in the same room as him."

Did she even want to know?

Raph's mum decided that Legend should, in fact, be filled on the story.

"We abandoned them on the kayak. No way they were making it out alive without teamwork." She winked at Legend like they were sharing a men-are-such-brutes moment. Legend didn't think that risking your children's life was the first rule of parenting 101 but firstly, she wasn't a parent yet so she wouldn't know and secondly, she didn't know the joys of having two mule-headed boys as sons, so she wouldn't know. And the main reason, no one asked her, so she knew to keep mute.

"That was a long time ago, Ma." Raph wasn't a fan of the story being retold if his scowl was anything to go by.

"Yes, it certainly a long time for you to stay angry. You need to forgive him, Raph." She added softly.

Wow, Logan must have really ruffled Raph's feathers pretty bad.

But then, Logan rubbed everyone the wrong way.

"And now, I'm hearing on the news about you two and that girl. "

Oh, shit. That was Legend. Quick, someone shoot her!

"That girl is seated right here." Raph commented dryly.

His mom cocked a brow, and in that moment, she looked so much like Raph.

"I'm not daft, son." She turned to Legend who was getting ready to be tarred and feathered and run out of the town under Helene powerful stiletto. Instead, the woman smiled kindly at her.

"I know my son can be an ass. I cannot go completely blameless. We indulged him too much, his father and I."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, ma'am." Legend told her embarrassedly. "He can't help it, it's the way he was born, with the entitled stick shoved up his ass. I wonder why you managed to push him out, with his way inflated head and all."

She hadn't known until then that she was in dire need of a new brain-to mouth filter. The old one was damaged, if it had ever even existed.

But she wasn't gonna feel sorry for saying her mind. So, she held Mrs. Perdome's surprised gaze until she chuckled.

"I like her." She told Raph. Raph winked at Legend, smiling proudly.

"Yup. She's good slightly weird people. "

"You're good for my boy, I can feel it. There's something different about him."

Legend's face turned a very interesting shade of pink at that observation.

‘"It's all the fresh air he's been receiving ever since I brought him out of his shell."

What was wrong with her this morning?

"I'm right here, ladies. Besides, Legend, you are the most antisocial butterfly I know." Raph shot back at her.

"I don't know what Logan is up to, but I'm going to find out. I'm so sorry for all he's put you through. " she laid a hand over Legend's. Legend was touched by her sympathy. This woman didn't know anything about her, but she was still so kind. Legend could remember the last time someone had been this considerate toward her and that particular memory box was covered with cobwebs and overrun with roaches.

"Are you crying? "Raph enquired suspiciously.

"No." She was quick to answer. She was simply choking on the tears.

Raph's mom gifted her another smile before she delivered a parting message to them both.

"I'm going to talk to Logan. Maybe, I and Marsha can talk sense into him." Legend highly doubted Marsha was going to be anything less than a yes girl to whatever Logan thought.

"Maryanne is not going to happen again." At this, Raph abruptly stood, gathering the used dishes in abrupt, jerky movement. His mother looked at him sympathetically while Legend wished she was anywhere but there.

"I'll be on my way."

After another hug to Legend—she inhaled three times, yes, she was a big creep—and a kiss to Raph's cheek, kick-ass mum was gone, power suit and shiny blonde hair and all.

With her departure came Legend's curiosity. Who was MaryAnne and why did the mention of her name make Raph closed off?

He obviously wasn't going to talk about it, the set of his shoulders as he did the dishes made that clear and she didn't want jealousy to come creeping in, so she did the best thing she could think of.

She distracted him. And what a distraction it was.

*

Legend was going through her inbox when she saw it: an e-mail from someone named Cherise.

Emitting a weary sigh, she opened the message. She'd seen the good, the bad and the hideous and the only thing that could get a reaction out of her these days was if she got knighted by the Queen or something.

She'd clearly underestimated her nothing-fazes-me-we've-seen-it-all mentality because the message left her shellshocked.

Like I-can't-feel-my-tits, someone-talked-to-me shell shocked.

Dear Legendcomics, Hi, I'm Cherise, and I'm a big fan of your work! I'm also an illustrator and I was hoping I could talk to you about an opportunity. Let's meet at the Coffee Shop on Wednesday at noon.

Fingers crossed that you'll actually consider this.

Cherise P.S. But you already knew that😅

Wow.

Wow.

Wooow.

New food for thought; The whole world wasn't out to stab her in the butt.

Or maybe she was being a poor judge of character. Again.

She turned to Raph who was typing away on his laptop, lower lip trapped between his teeth.

She remembered how'd she sucked on the lower lip that morning.

And the day before.

And the day before that, she'd had a bigger body part in her mouth and he'd had her name on his lips. She was a big, fat ho and she was not sorry.

She and Raph had been trying the we're friends who like sex in the morning, night and in between for a week. The moment of truth was here; it hadn't done a 47 ronin flop like she'd thought it would. Her story was progressing nicely, another celebrity had done something outrageously ridiculous so she had become stale news—the only people who still talked about her were Logan and his wonderful bride-to-be Marsha—and the man she had been dreaming about was in her Shakira skirt-covered lap. Life was good.

"Stop looking at me like I'm your Christmas present and a get-out-of-chores card wrapped up in one." He told her, eyes still glued to the screen.

Legend felt her blush.

"Maybe you are."

He snorted, "I'm better than that. I'm a ticket-to-healthy food card. What's the matter?"

He always seemed to know something was up. It scared and excited her that someone knew her this well.

"You don't have friends." That was a question and they both knew it.

"If you weren't so cute, I'd actually be offended." He smirked.

She rolled her eyes at him, making sure to over exaggerate the act. She knew she must look like someone who'd been bitten by one of Dracula's descendants.

Edward Cullen, please.

"You know what I mean, jerk." She didn't bother keeping the laughter from her voice.

"Yeah, I have friends."

This was news to Legend. Ever since her two-year-old tentativeship now situationship with Raph, she'd never heard him mention a Greg or a George. Nor had he told her he belonged to a billionaire club where they all bought yachts and went on cruises and drank champagne off supermodels' bodies or something. As far as she knew, he had no social life. It had actually been a source of hope for her, made her sure she wasn't funny-weird for not having any friends.

Now he'd shot her confidence to hell.

"You never mention them."

He shrugged a vest-clad shoulder.

"There're as boring as I am. Trust me. What's up?"

"I just got a message from this person, and she said she'd like to meet me."

His grey eyes lit up. "Well, that's great news. You need someone to drag you up and make you shake off the anti-socialness."

Legend frowned at him, and he mimicked her, frowning ferociously with pouted lips. She wasn't sure of a lot of things, but she was more than sure she didn't look like a nine-year-old kid who didn't get the ninja turtle cake for his birthday when she scowled.

"I thought you'd taken up that Mission Impossible."

"I did, but even Ethan Hunt needed the help of a beautiful woman on his silly missions. It's a woman, right?"

OK, that was so not jealousy coursing through her veins because Raph had called a woman he hadn't even seen ‘beautiful.'

"She's probably been botoxed since, like, she was three."

"Catch them young." He winked at her.

Legend faced her laptop again, peering hard at the innocent letters. Maybe if she made them uncomfortable enough, they'd squeal who had sent them. It was popular interrogation tactics.

"Seriously, though, what if this person's trying to hurt me?"

He got really serious at her voicing of her deepest fears.

"I'll go with you. Or Shane will. Whichever way, you're not going in alone."

"That's not the problem. Maybe this is Logan wearing a wig and Marsha's clothes and sending me these messages just to mess with my mind."

Raph cracked up at that and Legend folded her arms, glaring at him until he was done with his display of heartlessness.

"Why would he dress up? He's emailing you, for crying out loud."

"I don't know," Legend threw her arms up. "Maybe he's getting into character or something. Don't ask me. I'm not the one with a weird brother. "

"Oh, Legend." Shaking his head, he shut his laptop and gathered her in his strong arms. She could still feel him shaking with mirth. She swatted his chest.

Four swats and five Ouches after, Raph held both her hands to prevent her from assaulting his chest further and looked her in the eye.

"I think you should meet this Cherise person. Your only friend is some dude you haven't even met and who's named himself after a bat."

When she'd told him about Draa, Raph had flipped his wig and had almost had him investigated. He thought it creepy and pervy that Draa had seen pictures of her, but she didn't even know if he was Latino or Scottish.

"Be nice, Raph." She warned him, hand poised over his chest in threat.

He waved the hem of her white shirt as a flag and then continued.

"You need a life outside me and my asshole brother. And what better way to get it than to be friends with this person and do all the fun things women do together like plotting to take over the world? Is it lunch time already? I'm hungry. Who wants some stir-fried broccoli? "

That night, after being in the toilet for the thousandth time thanks to Raph's broccoli massacre, she sent a reply back to Cherise.

She had hopefully made a new friend.