Feelings don't lie
(Dean)
I toss and turn on my bed, unable to sleep, ever since I got the results, my confusion has been through the roof.
Perhaps I'd better look into the evidence of the cheating a little longer.
I step out of the bed, reaching for the drawer where I'd kept those pictures that's haunted me for years.
I rummage through the drawer, bringing it out, my eyes scans through them, the pictures I'd received on that fateful day, the one that turned my life upside down.
I take a closer look at the picture for the very first time since I received them, it's Bella, lying in bed with these men, in different compromising positions. But something catches my eyes.
In all of the pictures, her eyes seemed like they're closed. What does that say?
Back then I barely had the time to check details, I was so angry, feeling so betrayed.
And that brings me to the pills, is there even a tiniest chance that she'd conceived if she's on birth control pills?
Just one big mass of confusion.
As I sit there, my mind drifts to Bella's tears, her plea for me to listen but hell I didn't, I was so consumed with anger and the sting of the betrayal.
But then, these pictures, they're real, too real. My thoughts are frazzled.
I pause after a second, realization hitting me hard.
But come to think of it, who'd have sent those pictures to me? Now that I think about it, it's rather weird, too weird.
God, this is something I should've evaluated then but I didn't, I regret it now.
I tilt my head thoughtfully, as if assessing everything in my head.
The divorce? She didn't ask for any financial settlement.
I didn't think much about this at first, I'd thought she didn't because she got caught.
Perhaps I've been wrong. I beat myself up mentally.
Right now, I don't even know what else to think but I do know that something's not right.
I run a hand through my head, trying to put the pieces together somehow, but it's not coming.
I really do need to speak to Bella.
But I've been trying to call her all night but her number isn't going through, after several attempts, I figured she blocked me.
The only way out is the ongoing project with Clein's, that's the only way to get her to talk to me, she's pretty much standing on business but I won't let that derail me.
Bella had my kids, that's a proof that she wasn't taking the pills, and she even birthed them even after signing the divorce papers, that says a lot, otherwise why keep it?
I'm questioning everything, every damn thing I'd believed for the past four years.
I reach out to my phone quickly, dialing Arthur's number, while it rings I look at my bedside clock and it's 3AM.
I shouldn't be calling him at this time but this is pretty much urgent. Arthur picks up at second ring, his voice wafting into my ear. "Boss?"
"I'm sorry I'm calling at this time but it's urgent," I blurted out. "Come to my house first time in the morning, I need you to look into something for me,"
"Roger that!" I end the call.
As I put my phone away, my mind raced at the possibility that I've been manipulated. If this is it, then I have myself to blame.
And now, I must admit that despite my attempt to hate Bella, I just couldn't bring myself to. I just couldn't. That's the truth.
I instinctively dialed Bella's number again, I know it'll be a failed attempt as usual but a part of me was really hoping it goes through.
But it doesn't. I'm disappointed.
I drop my phone, placing the pictures back into the drawer. I recall telling Humphrey to arrange a meeting with Clein's as soon as possible, that should be in motion I presume.
My thoughts are a windwhirl. Even though I'm uncertain about what happened four years ago but I'm most certain that I won't back down till I get to the bottom of it and I swear I will, soon enough.
I pull myself back into the bed, willing myself to sleep but it isn't forthcoming and then my kids, their faces, Javier's eyes, my little princess's cute dimples, their smile, it all flashes in my head, like an imprint, refusing to go.
Trust me, finding out about them and confirming that they're truly mine as I'd suspected is a feeling I can't get over.
It's overwhelming to say the least. I'm a Dad, I have— not one cute little munchkin but two. Tell me you're blessed without saying you are.
I could feel excitement creeping into my body over and over again.
Gosh, this feeling, it's inexplicable.
A mix of emotions swirl inside me- frisson, deep longing, just name it.
The thrill of loving and caring for this two little pookies of mine electrified every fiber of my being.
But then, my excitement starts to wear off gradually, my heart ramps, realizing it's not going to be an easy task. Bella obviously can't stand me, she won't even let me get close.
A pang of regret gnaws at me, making me unsettled.
I think about how I've treated her, the hurtful words I'd haul at her, one I can't take back. I feel my chest tighten at my actions.
I can't really blame her for wanting to keep me at arms length.
But I'm not easily deterred.
This time, I'm sure as hell not going to give up, on her, us, finding the truth.