I'm keeping it

I'm keeping it
Bella.

It's been a week since the divorce and there has been no call nor text message from Dean.

And each time I think about how easily he gave up on our love, it hurts me even more.

I've tried to call him and everytime I do, it enters voicemail. Even Ethan's number hasn't been reachable as well.

We're having a baby, one that we've always wanted and he doesn't even know.

I've never imagined raising our child alone, never had to think about it and now it seems like that's becoming my reality. Dean is nowhere to be found, he hasn't reached out.

It seems like I'm the only one half hoping to fix things somehow.

I've been stalking our house for the past few days, waiting to talk to Dean but that gate has been closed, it just feels like I've been shut out of Dean's life for good.

Judy wasn't bluffing about selling the house after all.

My life has become a living nightmare.

I instinctively rub my belly, I have a human growing inside of me, a baby to love me and me to love back.

I don't even have to think about it. I'm keeping this baby, I don't know how I'd do it but I want him or her.

"You're not eating your food again, Bella." Derrick's voice pulls me back to earth.

I raise my eyes to meet his gaze and he has a concerned look etched on his face.

"You know you need to take care of yourself, right?" He ask, taking a seat beside me. "You are pregnant, sis. You have to think about the baby,"

I give him a tight-lipped smile, reaching out for his hand. "I know, I'm trying to —," I try to reassure him but suddenly I feel queasy and nauseous.

I cover my mouth with my hand, rushing off to the bathroom.

My nausea is getting pretty bad lately, it's been like this since two days now. I can barely eat and everything just makes me want to puke.

I don't know if it's stress but waiting outside our house for Dean tires me out and most of the time I come back home really exhausted.

Maybe Derrick is right. I need to take care of myself, it's no longer about me, I have a baby on the way that I need to look out for.

Derrick waits outside the bathroom door as I puke my lungs out.

I hear a gentle knock on the door. "Do you need help? I can hold your hair if you want," Derrick offers.

"No, Rick. I'm alright, I promise." I manage to say.

After I'm done, I splash cold water on my face, taking a deep breath, I reach out for a towel, drying my face and looking at myself at the mirror.

I'm looking so pale, I've lost a lot of weight in the space of a week. This doesn't look good.

I step out of the bathroom and Derrick is still waiting right there, his arms crossed. "How do you feel, Bella?" He says, moving closer to me, touching my face and my neck gently.

I give him a reassuring smile. "I'm fine Derrick," I reply.

He steps back, going silent for a second, his eyes transfixed on me. "What's your decision?" He asks.

I hold his gaze, a small smile creeping up my face. "I'm keeping this little angel that has chosen me to be his or her mom," I reply firmly.

A big smile spreads across Derrick's face, he moves closer and pulls me into a warm hug.

He pulls away, his smile still in place.

"You seem really happy," I say, giving him a skeptical look.

"Of, course, I'm happy that you're keeping it, I'm going to be one of the youngest uncles out there," he replies proudly.

"Or you could get married and have a kid, how about that?" I tease him.

He laughs briefly. "That won't be bad, just as soon as you put to bed," he replies and I laugh.

It's been a while since I laughed. Thanks to Derrick.

As soon as my laugh quiets down, I look up to Derrick's gaze. "What?"

He shrugs. "I'm just worried about you, Bella. Are you going to tell Dean about the baby?"

Honestly, that has been on my mind. Of course, Dean is the first person I've always wanted to share the news of my pregnancy with.

"I want to, really." I say, fighting the urge to cry. "He deserves to know. But he doesn't want anything to do with me," I tell Derrick. "And what's the odd that he won't doubt the paternity of this child? I mean, he already believes I cheated on him,"

Derrick takes a deep breath. "You have a point. But then, there's no harm in trial, at the end of the day you will regret not trying if you don't,"

I hold Derrick's gaze for a moment. It's as if he's read my mind. If Dean is nowhere to be found, he will definitely not avoid his company.

I've to find my way to his office. He needs to know we're expecting a child. I don't want to keep that away from him.

But then again, Judy scares me to a point. She won't spare me if she finds out about this baby. And even worse if Dean is still doubtful.

But just as Derrick said. I might regret it later if I don't try.

I turn to Derrick. "Dean has always wanted a baby, I don't know what to expect but he deserves to know he's going to be a father. I'll go to his office. I have to try,"

Derrick nods. "Whatever happens. I'm right here, do not forget that,"

I find myself smiling again. I don't know what I'd have done without him.

"What will I have done without you?" I tell him.

"You don't have to find out." He smiles back. "Now, come and sit while I get a cup of milk for you,"

I nod, as he guides me to my seat. He goes off to the kitchen and I'm back again to staring at my phone.

Hoping that somehow, I'd get a call from Dean.

A call I've been yearning for since the day Dean stormed out of the house that faithful day.