Not by choice

Not by choice
(Dean)

I turn to Rihanna, who's been watching me silently from across my desk. 

She finally speaks up. "So, not only are you avoiding your mom but the entire family?" Rihanna says, raising an eyebrow.

I give her a look. "Don't be dramatic," I reply, shaking my head.

She feigns a frown. "But that's what it looks like, you don't take your calls, and you barely return them,"

I clear my throat and throw her a glare. "Well, it wasn't that bad, until you started bringing mother up, you know the rules, Rihanna and yet you choose not to abide by it," I tell her outrightly.

Yeah, and not to mention that I know she's here to lecture me.

She shrugs and lets out an exasperated sigh. "I know, and it's not like I have too much of a choice here, I have a sulking mother at home, and Judy came by the house yesterday, visibly sobbing. I've never in my entire existence seen Judy cry, I almost thought she's untouchable,"

"Don't be deceived by their stunts," I huffed, I know not to take whatever mother and Aunt Elena does at face value.

"You think I don't know that? But…," she looks at me, then she lets out a slow exhale. "Judy looks broken, she blames herself for everything, and I'd like to think she's remorseful, maybe you should talk to her and see—"

I don't let her finish before I snapped. "Never!" I spat and Rihanna shuddered slightly. "She ceased to be my mother the very moment she decided to ruin my beautiful home, I'm cutting her out of my life and that includes my children's lives." I say, my resolve solid.

"Having a no contact order on her, isn't that a bit extreme?"

Is Rihanna intentionally trying to rile me up?

I roll my eyes at her and see a smirk. "Extreme? She destroyed my marriage, lied and manipulated me, no mother would do that to her own, I can't erase that,"

She stifles a laugh. "Apparently your mom did," she says in an unmistakable tone of teasing. I watch Rihanna for a heartbeat and only then did I realize she was fishing.

I lean back on my chair, and flip her the bird. "Stop messing with me, Rihanna."

She chuckles briefly and throws her hands up in surrender. "See, the only reason I'm here is because your mother and mine literally forced me to, and that's pretty much the reason I've been talking about it lately, but that stops now,"  she sighs and then she looks at me and smirks. "But I enjoyed watching you fuss though,"

I decide to return the favor. "Well, she's your favorite aunt, isn't she?" I say sarcastically, I have my eyes on her when I say this.

She gives me a wry smile. "Not by choice," she blurted out. "You know the story," I have to laugh at that.

She exhales after a second and then she looks at me, her expression softening. "I know you're hurt from what they did to you, no one should have to go through that, and no one has the right to tell you how to react either, not even me," she shrugs and runs her hand through her hair.

I take my time to study her, noticing the twitch in the corner of her mouth. "What is it, Rih? Is there something bothering you?" I ask, my voice etched with concern.

She looks at me in silence for a heartbeat and then she finally says. "I'm considering going back to London,"

I roll my eyes at this. "Why?" I mutter, pinning my eyes on her. "You wanted to be here, willingly," I reminded her.

"I know," she drags in a ragged breath. "Just like you, I have someone I regret leaving, the guilt was eating me alive even years after breakup. I thought I needed a break from work to get it together and I could see mom too. But coming back here and seeing how things were between you and Bella, it reminded me so much of him, you know," and then she looks at me and forced a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "But I guess that's how life is, you lose some and win some," she says, her voice distant.

I look at Rihanna and I can't say I'm surprised. I have always known something was wrong, she wouldn't say but the few times we spoke on phone, her voice gives everything away.

I tilt my head and suggest. "Why don't you contact this person, talk it out, maybe you'll get closure and….,"

She shakes her head, cutting me off abruptly. "I can't, Dean." her shoulders stiffened. "I chose to walk away, maybe I should live with it,"

I can't say I understand her logic quite well, I mean, if we want something so badly, why not go for it?

We both fall into silence for a moment, I give her a sympathetic look and decide not to push the matter any further. Rihanna looks like she's going to break down if I do.

But then she clears her throat and straightens up, masking everything behind her smile, again. "Enough about me, let's talk about how easily you took up your dad role," she says and holds my gaze. "It's pretty much exciting, isn't it?"

I nod, and I couldn't stop my smile from spreading. "I don't know how to put it, Rih. But when I look at them I just feel content," I admit. "I haven't felt this happy in a long time,"

Rihanna smiles, a genuine one this time. "You deserve every bit of happiness, Dean. You've always been good with kids, not surprised you've turned out to be an awesome dad, they're lucky to have you,"

I shake my head and say. "No, Rih. I'm the lucky one, you should see them," I bragged.

Rihanna smiles, her eyes lightening up. "Both ways, and believe me I've been dying to see them," she says with a cheeky grin.

"I'll make out time for it,"

"Perfect," she says, feeling more relaxed and then she looks at me for a second, as if she's debating whether or not to voice it out. "And Bella, what's been going on?" She asked skeptically.

My face falls.

There, the only reason I toss and turn all night.

Bella's being ignoring my entire existence, she only gets involved with me when it has to do with the kids, and then she's back to avoiding me again. 

I tried to find an alone time with her to talk it out but she wouldn't let that happen.

It's hard not to feel like we're taking one step forward and three steps backward. But I'm not giving up, no matter what.