Chapter 65 The Explanation
Lana's POV
Standing in shock with my hair wet and a towel in my hand, looking at the one thing in Arden's hand that I never wanted anyone to find....my termination pills. I knew that my eyes were huge, but Arden had anger written all over his face. Taking a deep breath, I stood up straight.
"I can explain and it's not what you think," I said calmly, in order for him to calm down.
"Then care to explain," he said.
"When I found out that I was pregnant, i didn't want to tell you and I wasn't going to because you didn't want kids. You made it pretty clear. I was going to be a single mom and not just single...but a young mom who still has to go to university and perhaps drop out when I'm far along or I don't know how things will go about it. I would be ashamed because I am young and all by myself and I would have the press reporting about me and then people gossiping. I didn't tell anyone and I went home and I took one of the pills out. I nearly took it but then I didn't. I couldn't go through with it. It is my baby and a life. Despite all the things that are being thrown at me, I just couldn't. A few minutes or seconds after that..." I looked down and I swallowed. "My mother called out to me and I hurried out of the bathroom, leaving my pills on the vanity. My dad was on the ground in their bedroom and..." I let out a breath, clouding my eyes as I still saw the image of him on the ground. "He was holding his chest, writhing in pain and I was by his side while my mom went to call the ambulance." opening my eyes, I looked up at him but my eyes were filled with tears. Arden still had furrowed brows but his eyes were saddened. "I told him not to leave and next thing I had to do was wait downstairs for the paramedics. They came and then took my dad...a while later, my uncle came to the house and told me the devastating news that broke up my family....or me from my family. I didn't take a pill, and I kept those for a 'just in case', but I still don't think that I would ever do such a thing to the baby," I said, as a tear ran down my cheek.
Arden let out a breath and he sat down on a recliner that was next to the bedroom door. He rested his hands on his knees, still with the pills in his hand, and he looked down at the ground. "I didn't know that is what all happened," he said softly.
"Now you do." I managed to say as I wiped my tear away.
"Please, throw this away, flush it down the toilet, anything...but don't ever take these," he said, looking up at me with sad eyes and he held his hand out with those pills.
I stepped closer and I took them from him. 'Okay," I replied as I took the pills, but he held onto them, forcing me to hold eye contact with him. "I'm sorry about everything and what you went through on your own, but I'm here now and you are not alone," he said.
I nodded as I swallowed, trying to keep my tears at bay. I was supposed to be a strong Lana, but he sees this side of me with tears and all. I am supposed to be tough but my walls are crumbling down. I took the pills and I walked away into the bathroom, still with the towel in my other hand. After placing it on the vanity, I took the pills and I threw them in the toilet pot and I flushed them.
A part of me is still worried about what everyone else would think. Now I have Arden. I stood in front of the basin and washed my hands, but I felt hollow inside. I watched in the mirror as Arden approached me, he came to a stop behind me. I just watched him in the mirror. He wrapped his arms around me and he held my gaze.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I don't know," I replied softly.
I turned around in his arms, I placed my hands against his chest. I just wanted to be held in this moment, but my eyes find his lips and then his hand moves below my chin, tilting my head up, parting my lips. His perfect blue eyes were looking into my soul. His eyes found my lips and he leaned forward...his lips only inches from mine, but then I turned my face away.
"It's too soon," I said, which was barely a whisper. I moved out of his embrace. "I'm sorry," I said before I walked out of the bathroom.
I was protecting myself and I needed time to get to that point again. I'm simply not ready for more heartache. I let my walls down and I don't think that I can build them up right now. I heard the shower, so Arden would be in there. I took a blanket from a cupboard where the hotel normally kept more blankets in a cupboard and I took it to the little lounge.
Arden wanted the sofa so he would get it. I placed the blanket on it and then I got a pillow too. This will have to do for now, until I'm ready to take things further. I turned around and saw my dad's letters on the coffee table where I left them earlier. My heart sank again just looking at it and then I took it to the bedroom.
I will fix it, tape it together tomorrow and read it when I'm ready. There could be important things in these letters that my dad had written for me. I wasn't going to have it destroyed. I want to know at some point what he has written to me.