Chapter 26—Claudius, Seven years ago

It was that tension in the air that woke me, and I realized Marissa wasn’t next to me.

Again.

Last night, I’d found her downstairs watching TV. She was watching some documentary about the Ottoman Empire. I hated history, but I sat and watched it with her. The night before, I’d found her in the nursery just looking at the crib. Neither of us had had the heart to change the room or just…

I didn’t even know. The two of us had been like this for the last eight months.

People said time healed. I was waiting for that part to happen, because every day held its own new task.

Marissa’s depression had only gotten worse, and I was still stuck on what I could do to help her. It was hard when I felt like shit myself. The only thing that kept me occupied was this thing with Joe Manello. It didn’t take up enough time to distract me, but I did wonder what the hell kind of plans he had that took eight months of planning.

I wasn’t given any specific details of the grand plan, just my part. It suited me fine since all I wanted was the distraction. I knew well enough that in the underground you didn’t ask too many questions. If you had a job like mine, you did what you’re told. You got the intel you were supposed to have and anything else was a need to know basis.

Besides, Joe and his men didn’t give me the sympathetic look everyone else had. Luc, Pa, and even Raphael. I didn’t want sympathy. I just wanted to get on with life as best as possible.

Marissa sat on the window bay seat, gazing out to the shadowy outline of the trees swaying in the storm.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and barely made out that it was three a.m.

This was the time we’d been waking up over all the last few months.

She looked over at me when I sat up and tucked my hair behind my ear. Then she looked away, back to the dance of trees outside the window.

I made my way over to her and rested my hand on top of her head.

She returned her gaze to me, and I noticed the sunken, sallow skin under her eyes. She’d been crying again.

“I’m sorry,” she said just above a whisper. “With these continuous three-a.m. wakeups, you’ll leave soon.”

I frowned. She always found some way to sneak that in. Her fear of me leaving. I’d been with her for her for eight months. Eight months of being a husband, not because she was carrying my child.

If I was honest, I’d have to say that I’d even surprised myself. I’d stayed, and I’d learned to love her. It wasn’t the kind of love I had with Ava, but I was trying. I was here, and I was trying. I’d blurred the lines of the past and decided to move forward.

I crouched down in front of her and tilted my head to the side. “Marissa, if you want me to get you that ice cream you like, just say so. Pretty certain there’s a place open at this hour. If not, I’ll steal it.”

She looked surprised by my answer. The other day, I’d put a spin on her words too, and it worked. She’d said something similar about me leaving.

“What?”

“You said leave soon. The only thing I could be leaving at this hour to get is ice cream.” She’d loved ice cream when she was pregnant with Jack, and I was proud to say I was the kind of guy who left the house at two a.m. to get it for her when she’d craved it.

She just stared at me, and I felt an ounce of triumph when the hint of a smile tipped the corners of her mouth. She only smiled when she was with Ava. Not for me or anyone else. Sometimes she barely looked at me, and when she did, it was with some element of embarrassment. Like she thought I pitied her.

“You’re a really good guy. You know that?”

“God, don’t let anyone hear you say that, Doll. They’ll think Claudius Morientz went soft,” I sneered, and she actually smiled, but the smile was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

I stood and sat behind her, settling myself so she could sit between my legs and rest her head on my chest.

“I went to a support group today… for women like me.”

She’d never told me she had any kind of plans like that.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Doll? I would have gone with you.”

“You were busy, and I didn’t want you to do any more than you’re already doing for me.”

“You make it sound like I’m doing all kinds of things for you. But I’m just here.” I chuckled.

“Exactly, you’re here for me.”

“Marissa, you know I’m the rebel in my family, right?”

She glanced up at me. “I’m going to say yes.”

“Good. So, you know I never do anything I don’t want to do. No one tells me what to do, and I’m the fucking boss of me.”

“Yeah… that sounds like you.”

“Good. Then you know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. So, don’t shut me out or think I wouldn’t go with you to a support group.” I meant that. I truly meant that, and I hoped she knew it.

She looked back at me with appreciation.

“Capisce?”

“Capisce.”

“What did they say at the group?”

“They said me waking up at this time is something similar to the effects you experience with a phantom pregnancy. Jack, um… he used to, um… be more active at this time. I think if he were here, this would be the time when he wakes up. So, my mind programmed itself to get up at this hour.”

My heart was breaking all over again, but I held in my pain. “So, we would be up at this time?”

“Maybe. He’d be on solids now, so maybe he would have slept through the night and I wouldn’t be nursing as much. Maybe.”

He would have been nearly seven months old. “If he woke up at this time, I’d let you sleep. I’d take him downstairs, and we could watch kids TV.”

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. Looked like talking like this was helping, although it was morbid. It was morbid and probably the worst thing but seemed to help.

“I think he would have loved Barney, or Sesame Street,” she offered up.

“Nah, those are for whimps. I planned to get him hooked on Biker Mice from Mars.”

My spirits lifted when she started to laugh. “Claudius, Biker Mice from Mars? That show is so old.”

“It’s fine. He would have loved it. He would have loved the trike I was going to get him for his birthday even more. Most parents get their kids cars for their sixteenth. I was going to get him a Harley.” I wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek.

“You planned that far ahead? Sixteen?”

“Of course. I planned to grow a beard too and get a red bandana to tie my hair back and look way scary in front of his friends.”

She gripped on to my shirt and started crying. “Will you come with me tomorrow? To the group,” she spoke through her tears.

Tomorrow…

Joe wanted me to be at the site tomorrow, all day. This plan was going down next week.

Today had been weird, and if I were myself, I would question the whole ordeal a little more. There was a guy there who made my skin crawl.

We’d met for meetings for this project a few times over the last few months, but I’d never seen this guy before.

Joe introduced him as Goliath. He introduced him to me and the two other guys who were in charge of various parts of this secret project.

The grunts who worked under us did not meet him.

The minute I met the guy, I didn’t like him.

Tall like the biblical giant with muscle like a military man. He looked like a mercenary, with his head shaved except for the mohawk going down the center. Looked like a fucking sav. Goliath had eyed me up like he wanted a challenge, probably because I was the only guy of the three who looked like I could take him.

Tomorrow, I was supposed to get the finalized plans and go over them with my team.

“What time is the group, Doll?”

“Twelve.”

Good. Well, I’d go with Marissa and either be late for Joe tomorrow or not turn up.

He was the one who wanted me. If I was late or not there, he’d have to deal with it.

She needed me.

“I’ll be there.”

“Will you?” She lifted her head and dried her tears.

I cupped her face and pressed my forehead to hers. “I will be there, and we’ll go to whatever we need to, whatever helps us get through this time. Next year this time, when we look back, I want us to be a different couple.”

“Next year.” She said that like she wished for it. “Do you think we could be? Next year with you feels like a dream my heart wants.”

“Yes. We’ll have it,” I promised.

***

Present day…

We never got next year. She never got next year.

A week later, she was killed.

I played that memory over and over again in my mind as I rode to Luc’s.

It was late, midnight late, but I knew he wouldn’t mind.

After Dante, Gio, and I left Four Peaks Quarry, I’d gone to the old house.

The house Marissa and I had lived in. I’d kept it and leased it to a family who were still living there. It had been around six years now that they’d lived there.

They seemed to be gone for the day. I sat in the park opposite the house and just stared at it. That was my attempt to cool off.

That was when the memory came flooding back in my mind. The memory of the first time I’d truly bonded with Marissa. It felt like I did, like something changed in my mind and my heart. Something that fueled me to try to make my marriage work.

Then it was all taken away.

I went to Luc because when I got like this, it was only my brother who could truly calm me down and stop me from doing something stupid.

I knew Dante and Gio had been right to stop me from a suicide mission, but it felt like I’d let Goliath walk. He was there, right there in my line of sight, and I didn’t do anything.

Luc opened the door and ushered me into the kitchen. I’d called ahead so he knew I was coming.

“Do you want a beer?” he asked, looking me over. “You look like shit.”

“Best I don’t drink.” Especially since I was driving. One would be fine, but with the way I felt, I wouldn’t stop at one. Now was not the time to drown my sorrows in alcohol.

Luc sat on the high stool around the counter and ran a hand through his hair. He was the one who looked like shit.

“You look like you haven’t slept in days.” I smirked. Small talk was good right now because I felt like breathing fire.

“Raphael’s going through a weird phase of waking up in the night. I blame you for giving him that damn biker mice series, Jesus. I swear he’s going to be like you. Good thing I like motorcycles, or I’d be jealous.”

I might not have gotten to watch that series with my son, but it didn’t stop me from getting my nephew hooked on it.

“Nothing to be jealous of, brother. I’m the one who’s jealous.”

Luc frowned but looked me over with concern.

I glanced around the corner and saw the base of the stairs. Ava was upstairs. Hopefully asleep. I wished I could see her.

“How is she?”

“You want me to say she’s fine?”

“Is she fine?”

“No, of course not. You could have answered her calls, Claudius. The poor doll was going crazy thinking something happened to you. Good thing I know how much of an asshole you can be—”

“I’m breaking it off with her, Luc,” I cut in before he could continue chewing me out. “I was purposely not answering the phone. The less contact, the better. Makes it easier. She knows what’s going to happen.”

His frown deepened. “Are you sure she knows? She’s not acting like she does. And why? You love her. Obviously, you love her, or she wouldn’t be here.”

I’d already had this conversation with the guys, and I didn’t want to get into it again.

“Goliath’s back on the scene, Luc. I saw him today. He’s working with Barabbas and the Manellos. The thing that they’re here in Chicago for is some nukes. I plan to end him. Couldn’t do it today because we were outnumbered.”

Luc’s skin turned pale, and he ran a hand over the shadow of a beard on his cheeks. I’d probably told him more than I should have.

“Nukes, Claudius? That’s above you. It’s well above you.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I knew, but not just today. I knew it seven years ago when it was just a chip. “The nukes are not my concern. He is.”

“So, you’ll just go after him guns blazing?”

“Lucian.” I brought my hands up to my head, paused in thought, then fixed my gaze on him. “When Amelia got taken, you had all of us. We had time to set up a crew. We got her back. The odds were there, but we knew we had a shot. When Marissa and Ava got taken… I had half an hour to get to the docks. It took me twenty minutes to get there, so I had ten to save them.” My breath hitched, and I found it hard to continue as I relived the terror of that day. That feeling of doom. Doom was the best way to describe it. “Ten minutes, Luc. There was no time to call anyone, call for backup, call for help. There was just me. Marissa was just starting to get better. She relied on me to take care of her. I couldn’t. Even if I’d had another minute that day, I wouldn’t have been able to save her. I would never have gotten to her in time. Before all that, my son died. My life has been absolute shit, so don’t you dare be surprised that I want to get the head of this son of a bitch.”

He sighed and hung his head. When his gaze climbed back up to meet mine, his expression softened. “What’s the plan?”

I shook my head at him. “No. Whatever it is, and whenever I set out what I’m doing, you’re not in.”

“Fucking bastard. Don’t you dare tell me shit like that.”

“Luc, I’m boss now. You are aren’t even my capo. And I’m pulling rank as the eldest.” I had to smile. I always did that to him. Since we were kids. I pulled rank as the eldest and somehow what I said was what we did. It kind of still worked, except on occasion when he managed to kick my ass.

He growled. “What’s the plan, Claudius? You’re about to declare war. That’s what this is. Goliath aside, the Antonellas and the Manellos are with him. You doing this signals war.”

“I know. But it’s not going to stop me from getting my hands on Goliath. Seven years, Luc. I’ve been looking everywhere for that bastard for seven years, and he’s back in Chicago.”

“Well, you aren’t going after that psycho by yourself. Or sorry, you Dante and Gio while the other two rogues help the other guys.”

I’d told him about Alex and Jude, and he didn’t believe it. Or for the most part. He didn’t believe that it was both of them.

“Where are they anyway?” he added. “Alex and Jude.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Luc, I need you here. Look after the women. Take care of Ava. She’s the most important thing to me. Just… don’t let her out of your sight. Tomorrow’s her restaurant anniversary. She’s been looking forward to that. If you could take her and make sure she’s okay, I’d be grateful. It’s normal. She deserves normal. She deserves to have tomorrow because she’s worked hard for it. I need to know you’ll take care of her.”

“Claudius.” Her voice spoke straight to my soul, and I turned around to see her.

Ava.

I wanted nothing more than to take her and hold her close to my heart, but I willed myself not to.

I just looked at her. Her long legs were golden against the deep pink night shirt, and she had her hair piled up on top of her head in a messy bun.

“I was worried sick,” she continued in a shaky voice.

It was time to leave. Better to go before I changed my mind. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t look at her and not love her.

I looked at Luc, and he gave me a nod, silently agreeing to my request.

That was all I needed, assurance that she would be safe. Safe for her was anywhere far from me.

Especially with the plan I had brewing.

“Claudius.” Ava looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

I turned instead and walked away.

“Where are you going?” she called out.

But I didn’t answer. I just walked through the door and left her.

When I got to my bike, my phone started ringing. I thought it was Ava, but a quick glance on the screen showed me it was Cora.

I answered straight away.

“Hey, sorry to call so late.” Her voice sounded strained.

“You’re still at the office?”

“Yeah. I’m with your dad. I’m gonna head to the hotel in a minute.” She pulled in a deep breath. “Claudius, things are bad. I managed to hack into the frequency at the cabin at the quarry. Your dad and I listened in on a very interesting conversation. We’re right about the nukes. It’s them, and it’s all happening tomorrow.”

I bit the inside of my lips hard. “Tomorrow? Fuck, what are they planning?”

“Not on the phone. Can we meet first thing? Six in the morning?”

“Sure.”

“Good, see you then.”

God, I needed strength.

Tomorrow. It was all happening tomorrow.

That was fine. I’d be ready. I’d be damn ready whether or not this was above me.

Tomorrow, I would take down Goliath and finish what he started seven years ago.

Even if it killed me.