Chapter 384 - Vindicating myself - mdfour
Alfredo
When I arrived at El Renacer, Verónica was placing her gifts under the enormous tree. There was no one else around.
"Did you bring gifts?" I smiled a little. I really had been an ass.
"Keep it a secret, I have a reputation to maintain."
"Your secret is safe with me." I put down the gifts, and she helped me arrange them. The room always gets crowded when everyone brings their gifts. "I'll also keep your gifts safe."
"Thanks."
"What time are you leaving?"
"At night. Is she coming?"
"She hadn't confirmed; she didn't want to create a tense situation. When I told her this morning that you were traveling, she said she'd come and was going to buy gifts right away." That information was another low blow. That's why she went to the mall.
"I have to go now."
"Aren't you staying for lunch?"
"No."
I arrived at my mother's house in Bucaramanga. She didn't know I was coming. When she saw me, she dropped what she was holding and ran to hug and cover me in kisses.
"This is a miracle!"
"Don't start, Mom."
"I'm so happy to see you! This Christmas, I'll have my children with me." Old Judith didn't stop kissing me. "Marianito arrives tomorrow with Paula and the kids." She smiled and looked at me. "Is something wrong?"
"Don't worry about it. Where's Ramón?"
"At the stores. You know I disconnect from work before Christmas."
Old Judith's house was big, spacious, in one of the best neighborhoods in Bucaramanga. I kissed her on the forehead, and she kept looking at me.
"Don't tell me I rarely kiss you for you to look at me like that."
"When you were a child, you gave me lots of kisses. After... you stopped." I hadn't even noticed.
"Forgive me for not showing you how important you are to me."
"Who are you, or what did they do with my son?"
"It seems I really was an ass to the important people in my life." She took my hand.
"Rita!" My mom's trusted housekeeper came out.
"Alfredo!"
The fair-skinned woman, her face wrinkled by the years and her abusive husband, hugged me affectionately. They would have adored Patricia. My fear of everything changing for the worse... I have no excuse for my stupidity. I felt a lump in my throat.
"I'll make you the Santanderian Mute you love so much."
"I'd like that."
I swallowed the emotion. I have no idea what's happening to me, but I feel like crying all the time. My depression was so bad that I even had to go out and buy Oreo ice cream to calm down a bit. The loneliness was hitting me hard. Every day, I miss Patricia more, while she seems happy in her life. The image from yesterday confirmed it. Maximo made her happy. I hadn't realized it until my mom wiped the tear from my eye.
"Oh, son, something tells me you're not the same." Unable to help it, I hugged my mom.
"Everything's fine, Mom."
"I gave birth to you. I gave birth to you. For the past five months, I've felt something in my chest. Didn't I tell you, Rita? I knew something was up with you. Did you fall in love?"
"I think I owe you a big explanation."
Like a good mother, she took the time to listen to my entire relationship with Patricia, from when I met her on the mission in Germany. She knew what I was like, and like Mrs. Josefina, she was grateful when I told her we were working with the American government and what we were doing. But I never told her about Patricia. She looked at me once I finished telling her everything, finished her juice, and after several rockings in her sacred rocking chair on the patio, she spoke.
"You're my son, but you deserve it. So I had a beautiful daughter-in-law, and you didn't introduce her to me?"
"Mom."
"I heard you! Now you listen to me! I knew that at some point, the terrible experience with your father would cause you harm. I assumed that your lack of affection towards me was undoubtedly a consequence of that. I thought it was only with me. I never imagined it would transcend to other people. You're special with your brother, even with Ramón. You made a difference with me, and I accepted it because I feel guilty."
"Mom, you know I adore you."
"When was the last time you told me that?" I saw her wiping away tears. "Since you were eleven years old. The psychologist who treated you back then told me to keep an eye on you because you would likely show a change as you got older, after that traumatic event, that afternoon when you took the blows from your father to defend me." It wasn't the time to relive the past.
"Now I understand... when she gave me your diagnosis after that year of treatment, she said you'd never marry because people change when they marry. You wrote that in every evaluation. Son, look at your brother. Just because of what I went through doesn't mean it will be the same for you. Everyone forges their own destiny. We each build our lives as we want."
"Mom, that's nonsense."
"You’re a doctor, you know that at certain stages of human behavior, a strong episode can have disastrous consequences. For you, your father was your world. You had never seen him angrier than necessary, he was always a good man to you, even though in the privacy of our bedroom he was a depraved man who subjected me and hit me.
"He always presented a good image to you, then came the wedding, I agreed to marry him because I thought he would change. How foolish of me! But that was my problem. I remember you were very excited about our marriage, it was an emotional shock for you to see how a month later your father was beating me to a pulp.
My mother spoke, and the memories flooded in. That afternoon, I was so scared when the man I admired fell before me. I ran to defend my mom and started receiving his insults. That made me very angry, which is why I can't stand being hit.
Mom protected me from that animal, and the neighbors intervened because my little brother went to get them. They restrained the aggressor, waited for the police to arrive, and they did what was necessary. He served many years in prison, and when he got out, I was twenty-three years old.
I warned him with a gun on the table that he would never approach my mom again, or he would regret it. With that threat, I got the divorce papers signed, but she never remarried. After that event in my childhood, I spent a year with social workers and psychologists to help me.
Old Judith might be right; since then, I developed a fear of marriage. I believe people change when they get married, and I didn't want my relationship with Patricia to be affected, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I never treated her as I should have. No matter how you look at it, I’m a complete idiot.
"You developed a pathology of fear of showing affection. You’d give your life for people, but you don’t tell them how important they are to you," she said, and another lump formed in my throat.
"I lost her, Mom."
"Oh, honey, you can't interfere in that relationship now, it's sacred. It's clear she gave herself to another man out of spite, out of disappointment, seeing how quickly you replaced her." She pinched me. "This is because I always told you never to be unfaithful."
"I wasn’t."
"It's as if you were. One week? Have you been with other women?"
"No, I don't even feel like it, not even masturbating." She pinched me again.
"I'm your mom, keep certain comments to yourself." I smiled. "We should have had this conversation a long time ago."
"Maybe."
"Just this once, listen to me. Don't get involved with another woman until you're completely sure you no longer love Patricia. Time is the best healer. Don’t approach another woman like that, learn to forgive yourself, accept your mistakes, and that way you won’t repeat them in the future."
"Or maybe life will give her back to me somehow."
"Don’t hold on to that hope. Because if you do, you won't make room for the woman who can heal you. No one knows, son. Just be a soldier of time, get back to your life, keep your mind busy, get out of that apartment. Make healthy changes in your life, look at your friends, learn from good examples. I would have loved to meet her."
"I can show you a picture, she's beautiful." I said, handing her my phone, and she looked at me.
"Now, see what you can do to earn my forgiveness because you deprived me of a good daughter-in-law."
"I hope all the gifts I brought will help."
"You brought me gifts?"
"It's disappointing that no one told me how much of a caveman I was."
"Things happen for a reason. Look at us, when have we ever done this?"
"Mrs. Judith, young Alfredo! Dinner is served, and Mr. Ramón just arrived!"
My mom let her hair down, which reached her shoulders. She adjusted her blouse. She was in her sixties, a bit plump, but she still had the features of having been a very beautiful woman.
My stepfather was five years older than her, a bit chubby, wore glasses, and had a smile that told everyone he was a kind soul. I’m going to listen to my mother about not having a woman in my life, not even a prostitute to satisfy my sexual desire, not until I feel ready. But I won’t listen to her about not hoping life will give her back to me.
"Mom, you know what I've been craving for days?"
"I don't have any big-bottomed ants." The image of my woman ready in bed for me, showing me that great ass... "Tell me, what do you want?"
"Obleas."
"You've been asking for them since you were a kid. But I can get you those, I'll send someone to buy them later."
"Thanks."
"What a surprise, son!" Ramón hugged me. This man was who I considered my father. "How long will we have you?"
"I go back to the clinic on January fifteenth."
"Can we go to the Coffee Region?" My mother started making plans.
"Mario goes back on January tenth. We can leave after the first in both cars."
"On one condition," I said.
"What?"
"I'll cover all the expenses."