Chapter 369 - Five Years Later - mdfour
Alfredo
I finished the night shift at the clinic and saw Nadia smile at me. I don't know what's happening to me with her. I haven't been unfaithful to Patricia, but I'm bored of the monotony. We've been living together for five years in our apartment here in Blanco. On weekends, we go to the Ranches. My only adrenaline lately is during operations anywhere in the world.
I got to the parking lot to get my car and go home to... fight with Patricia? I'm tired of this. The thing is, I don't want to hurt her. I knew this would happen! I wasn't born to be a one-woman man, living as the faithful husband and devoted father like my brothers. That doesn't feel like me.
I'm not like Roland, idolizing his wife and kids, or Simon, who only sees through his family's eyes. Miguel and his little one, now with Inés, his daughter named after our old lady —I clung to the rosary, "Oh, old lady! I don't want to hurt Patricia, but I feel like I don't love her like before."
I have to talk to her, I have to be honest. She expects kids from me, and I don't want that. I can't tie her to me. I remembered the birth of Freddy's third child a couple of years ago, another girl. Since then, I've noticed Patricia wants to be a mother. We've had several arguments about it. There are already so many kids in this big family, why more?
Roland with four, Simon with three, Miguel with three, Gustavo with three, Arnold with two, Daniel with three, Anibal with two, Lobo with two, and Freddy with three. It's true that Miguel, Gustavo, and Freddy adopted children that weren't theirs, but they love them just the same. I don't have that spirit. I got out of the car and entered the apartment. It was very early.
Patricia was sleeping. She works in a psychiatric office since she graduated a couple of years ago. Looking at her, I realized I care about her, but I don't love her anymore, and I won't hurt her. Her alarm went off, and when she opened her eyes, she smiled at me, and part of my soul cowered.
"Hi, love." She lunged to kiss me. I accepted the kiss, though I don't feel the same. She pulled away. "Is something wrong, love? Was it a tough night?"
"Patricia." Her dark eyes looked at me expectantly. "Forgive me, I just don't want to deceive you." "I need to talk to you, and I want you to understand."
"You're scaring me."
How the hell do I tell her? I tucked a strand behind her ear. She leaned in a bit to caress my hand with her cheek and smiled at me.
"I care about you." She smiled. "But I don't love you anymore, Patricia."
Her face turned red. She tried to speak, her gaze becoming a dark pit. Then she smiled.
"Is this a joke, Alfredo?" I shook my head.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"Is there someone else?"
"Nothing has happened with her yet, but I confess I like her." Her lip trembled.
"Do I have any chance to fight for you?"
"I don't want you to. I know how much you love me. I've wanted to tell you this for months. I feel suffocated in our relationship. Everyone is pressuring me to marry you, have kids, and I don't want any of that. I wasn't born for that." Her skin was entirely red. "I don't want to condemn you... I can't offer you what you want."
"What a morning." She got out of bed, her skin still goosebumped, and her lip trembled.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't keep lying to you. I don't want to be unfaithful, it hurts me to hurt you, but I'll hurt you more if we stay together." She was making a great effort not to cry in front of me.
"Thank you for your honesty. I have to go to work." She locked herself in the bathroom.
……
Patricia
I covered my face and mouth with the towel so he wouldn't hear my screams. I knew something was wrong, I knew he was pulling away from me, that's why... God! That's why I stopped taking care of myself. Without his consent, I stopped getting my shot two months ago. Now I don't know if I'm pregnant. My hands were shaking, my whole body was trembling.
I got into the shower. I couldn't hide my sobs and gasps. No matter how much I covered my mouth, I failed in my attempt to wait for him with the faint hope that he would propose... Oh God!
Despite everything and although it sounds ironic, I thank you for your honesty, at least you respect me a little. I started crying again, fell to my knees, and covered my mouth with my hand so he wouldn't hear me; it would be pathetic and even more humiliating. I tried to calm down, I can't stay here, this was his apartment. I'd rather go to a hotel, and calmly find another place to live. I took several deep breaths, he must be waiting for me to leave.
Gathering my strength, I went out, he wasn't there, I searched the entire apartment and couldn't find him, I allowed myself to cry. It's getting late for work, but I need to sort this out. I took my phone and called my boss.
"Hello, Maximo."
"Are you crying?" I couldn't help it. "Did something happen, Patricia?"
"I need half a day, I have to sort out an issue, I'll make it up on Saturday."
I know he likes me, he's been a gentleman, but I've seen him looking at me more than once.
"Don't be silly, you know I don't mind. If you need anything, call me."
"Thank you."
I got dressed, not in my work clothes, I put on jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt. I took the suitcase and started packing my clothes. "I just hope I'm not pregnant, my period is due next week. God, please let me not be pregnant." I don't want him to stay with me for that reason.
I packed all my personal things. I took the picture frame from the nightstand and was tempted to take it with me. Why? At that moment, I realized that the place was never my apartment, it was his, he never said "ours."
I left the suitcases in the living room, went to his office. It was his personal space, there wasn't a single photo of us, did I realize this after five years?
I took paper and a pen, wrote him a short letter, since he wasn't there, I would tell him I agreed to end the relationship, I left it next to his nightstand, I was going to take the car keys I had been driving all this time, but... "Honey, take my other car, use it whenever you need." They were always his cars, he never gave me one like Freddy did for Arinka, or Kevin for Carlina. My heart shrank, I was never anything to him.
The taxi dropped me off at a hotel near my workplace. I could walk there, and it was for the best since I didn't have a car, I wouldn't go to my mother's house this weekend, I needed to process everything. Besides, I had to find a place to live.
I paid for a week at the hotel, in the room I started to unpack my things without stopping crying. Today I didn't want to go anywhere. I should tell Maximo that I’m taking the day off, when I took my phone out of my purse I realized I had the apartment keys.
……
Alfredo
It hit me hard to hear her crying in the bathroom, I feel like the most miserable person and at the same time relieved. That's why I decided to leave, when she gets back from work, we'll talk again.
I want to tell her to keep the apartment, one way or another she lived with me for five years, legally she was my wife, I have no problem giving her half of my stuff, maybe that way I'll feel less miserable.
I need to talk to Gustavo and Mrs. Josefina, I don't want to upset them, in any case, I need to face them. The hours passed slowly, I ate at a mall, I think I would miss this, food prepared by me... By Patricia.
It was past three, she got off work at five, it was best to be at the apartment to collect my clothes and leave it to her. The phone rang, it was Nadia, I didn't answer, I needed to end one relationship before starting another.
I parked, I noticed Patricia's car was already there. Did she get here early? Well, now comes the second confrontation. As I entered, I saw the keys to her SUV.
"Patricia?"
No one answered, I reached the bedroom and no one was there, the place felt genuinely empty. I noticed her personal items were gone from the dresser, and the bathroom too, a strange sensation settled in my chest. I noticed an envelope on the nightstand. I closed my eyes. Damn it, no! I sat on the bed and took out the letter.