Chapter 144 - Telling the Truth - Feddos
Diana
I never imagined leaving Colombia, and now I found myself in the United States. Blanco was a small town compared to what we saw in San Antonio. El Renacer was quite far from the nearest town, about an hour and a half away. I still hadn't finished thanking God for bringing these people into my life.
All of this had been madness, a wonderful madness. I was drying the dinner dishes prepared by Mrs. Vero, who had already locked herself in her room with her dog. Hands rested on my waist and my heart began to race automatically, his breath sent shivers down my spine.
"Little one, I'm still waiting for an answer."
With my eyes closed, I wanted to say yes, but the lady was right, I had many insecurities. He kissed my neck.
"Diana..." I turned around to face him.
"First, I need to feed Isaac. You need to put him to sleep, and after that, we need to talk."
"Why won't you look me in the eyes? Is something about me bothering you? Has someone said something to you?"
I couldn't look at him, I noticed the concern in his voice. God, I don't want him to hate me, I couldn't bear it.
"Come on, Inés has Isaac." I saw the worry in his eyes.
The room assigned to us was huge, with a dream bathroom. Miguel entered the room with my baby, and every time I saw him carrying him, my heart swelled with tenderness. He was an incredible man despite his occasional foolishness. I took the child; the room temperature was pleasant. It was overwhelmingly hot here, so I had turned on the air conditioner an hour ago.
My son was precious. While I changed him and put on his pajamas, Miguel watched me very seriously. Once I finished, I sat in the rocking chair we bought today. The difference that money makes—in my case, buying a blouse required saving for three months, but they just had to think about it and they had it right away. I fed him, and he emptied my breasts.
"Isaac, the pediatrician said you're too chubby. I need to put you on a diet; don't drink from both breasts." I talked to the baby, and I heard his father laugh. "Your dad is laughing, but I'm serious, young man." My baby's eyes were mischievous; at four months, he was already a little ball. "Don't laugh, you little glutton."
I kissed him, and Miguel came closer, burped him, and with a beautiful smile, asked for the spot to put him to sleep.
"Come on, champ, it's time to sleep."
While his father rocked him, I started arranging his crib. The good thing was my son was very well-behaved, already sleeping through until five in the morning. Of course, he woke up starving, and his cries could wake up an entire block. It didn't take ten minutes for Isaac to fall asleep.
Inés said my breast milk was very nutritious, which is why he was so plump and slept more than six hours at night. My nerves started to show; the time for a serious conversation was approaching. He laid him in his crib and crossed his arms as he looked at me.
"Sit down."
I said, and he did at the foot of the bed. He clenched his jaw, and my hands were trembling.
"Is your answer going to be no?" I smiled. So, that was his fear?
"That's not what I need to talk about. I already have the answer, and it's tied to what I want to confess."
"Speak, woman! You're scaring the hell out of me."
I couldn't help but laugh. On impulse, I threw myself at him to kiss him or rather devour him, a kiss he gladly returned. It wasn't very long, but it was intense. I moved to one side of the bed, crossed my legs in a yoga position, and took a deep breath.
"I asked Mrs. Verónica for advice because something is tormenting me."
"Something about me?"
"No, Beast."
He laughed again. For the past month, I had been calling him that because he had no tact when saying things and was always rough with me. I remembered that morning when I couldn't sleep. I got up at dawn and prepared breakfast. Minutes later, Simón and he came in looking for a bottle of water after their run.
Simón left us alone while Miguel sat in one of the dining chairs, staring at my backside, and the shameless man didn't deny it. I didn't know whether to be angry or adore him because he was too honest, to the point of being rude.
"What are you looking at? Instead of wasting time, help me finish breakfast."
"Admiring, imagining, or better yet, remembering how nice your backside is, isn't wasting time." I dropped the tomatoes. "And I'm a beast in the kitchen, believe me, I help more by watching your butt."
"You're not a beast for not knowing how to cook; you're a beast for your behavior and dirty mouth."
"I also do wonders with it, remember?" God, I felt my hair turn red.
"Look, animal, get out of the kitchen!"
My cheeks, neck, ears, chest, and entire body were hot. He got up, approached, took one of the tomatoes, placed it next to my face, and with that blessed seductive smile that took my breath away and made my inner thighs wet, he spoke.
"You are turning redder."
"Earth, swallow me up!"
"Definitely, you are a beast."
"Wouldn't you like me to be your beast?"
"I have better options. Now leave me alone."
She finished drinking the rest of the water from the bottle and left the kitchen. Since that morning, she had been calling me that whenever she got on my nerves, which was often, by the way. And to increase the masochism, I liked it; it was childish. I couldn't help comparing her to the character from Beauty and the Beast. I love that movie. After all, maybe life will gift me my Beast.
"You are making it a habit," I returned to the present.
"I love the nickname."
"I don't like it as much. Why do you like it?"
"I'll keep that answer to myself. You're good at investigating, do something productive. And don't distract me from the topic, I want to be honest with you."
"Don't beat around the bush to tell me no to my proposal."
"Let me speak first!"
"Then I'm all ears," I sighed.
"It's true that you already know how my childhood was, the needs I grew up with. I was a girl with so many dreams, dreaming of princes saving me somehow from the situation I was in, although I admit, I always tried to find the good side of life.
"Among those, whether it was from the romantic books I read or the movies, they made me a dreamer and filled with desires. I wanted to walk down the aisle in white, I wanted that perfect man in my life. That doesn't mean it has to be literal, I mean someone who fits my imperfections.
"Miguel, I was aware, I had nothing to offer, I was barely finishing my studies with effort, I never complained about work, I would do anything, work is never and will never be dishonorable. But I guarded my body, many men before my kidnapping tried to seduce me, promising to help me financially, but I never paid attention to them.
"I dreamed of giving myself to one man for life, I swore it since my adolescence and confirmed it every time my mother came home with a different man each night. I didn't want that." I didn't dare to look him in the face, he hadn't stopped looking at me. "I saw in my mother what I didn't want to do, and I grew up with that conviction. But you know what happened, that dream was shattered.
"Sweetheart, that doesn't matter to me."
"This is just a prelude to what I want to confess, the fear... Miguel, many men passed through my body, and women too." I dared to look at him, his face was expressionless, and that scared me. "I don't remember an encounter in my five senses, I was always drugged, and also, all the kidnapped women were given a drink that heightened sexual desire.
"I was in threesomes, two men with me, sometimes it was two women with a man, orgies mostly I don't remember. Believe me, I developed a way to disconnect my mind in those moments.
"Why are you telling me this?" His voice was neutral, I felt him distancing himself.
"I don't want to have secrets with you. I feel like I'm not enough for you. I'm afraid that if I agree to marry you and at some point, you find out about the filthy things I did, you would leave me, or if you find a better woman, with a clean past, educated, without this past... you will fall in love with her. Deep down, I feel like a wreck."
"They forced you, Diana! There's a big difference."
"But I feel insignificant next to you. You are an engineer, a pilot, you speak several languages, you are intelligent, attractive, you could have any more accomplished woman, and you asked me to marry you without knowing who I am."
"Are you serious about what you're saying?"
It was necessary to say it, to show him how I felt, broken, to let him know how damaged I was.
"Let's be honest, Miguel. I wanted to show you my weaknesses, to let you know that behind this smiling woman, when night falls, her fears come. I want to show you the real Diana, so as not to disappoint you, and please, think about it.
"My answer is yes, I want to marry you, but first analyze if you want to have by your side a woman who has gone through what I have lived, I wouldn't be able to bear your disdain later on. I open up to you as I really am, insecure, broken, used, although not with my consent, and that is the truth." He stayed silent, clenching his fists. "Please, say something, you have always been honest."
"You asked me to think about it, we'll talk later."
I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say a word, it affected me to know that everything I did didn't please him. Miguel stood up, left the room, closing the door. The pressure in my chest exploded, and unable to contain it, I burst into tears. He surely hates me, I clung to the pillow, it was more than evident, I won't be Mrs. García.