Chapter 120 - Liberation (Part 1) - Mddos
Veronica
I smiled at Simon's comment.
"I want to attend the birth of Amon and Hathor's foal." It was a decision.
"It's two months away." She smiled at the foreman.
"Thanks, I want to ride a bit, could you saddle another horse for me?"
"Of course, ma'am."
"Saddle ours," Miguel commented. He had been quiet, and upon analyzing him, I noticed his dark circles. Our eyes met. "I didn't sleep well, ma'am."
"And you're in a foul mood," Simon commented.
"Still on that topic?" I smiled. I continued petting the two horses.
"I'll visit them in the afternoon." I walked away from them, heading towards the already saddled horses. They gave me the brown horse again. "What's this horse's name?"
"Mono," I smiled.
"Alright, Mono, let's ride."
I wanted to feel free, so I urged the horse and began to gallop. I grew up around these animals; my father raises cattle, but horses were always part of my environment. I love the adrenaline rush from galloping, the morning breeze hitting your face, and the scent of dawn in the countryside welcoming you—there's nothing like it. We rode for over an hour, covering the entire Arenal. I tried to do it. The lands were vast. I liked how well-maintained the property was. We reached a stream.
"Ricardo does a good job," Miguel said, arriving at my side, with Simon following a second later.
"You're a good rider." I looked at Miguel and smiled. "Thank you, ma'am," he said, frowning. "Galloping chased away the demons for now."
"I'm glad to hear that. It's often good therapy to find a hobby to face your fears."
"How do you know it's fear?" I shrugged.
"I suppose. Lack of sleep can make you seem distant in the morning. It makes me think you're afraid, you've been thinking a lot about a problem, and it's weighing on you."
"Could I talk to you?"
Yesterday, after seeing him talk to Diana, I approached him when he was alone and told him he could count on me if he needed to talk.
"I'll take a walk on the other side, see you in a bit," his friend commented.
"Simon, this place is nice for a picnic. Could we organize one?"
"I'd better go back to the house and organize it for the afternoon. Onion, take care of her."
"You know I'll protect her with my life if necessary, I'm always ready."
"Miguel..." It was the first time I heard Simon call his friend by his first name. "I'm glad you decided to talk."
We watched Simon gallop away. These men looked like they were straight out of magazines, as Lorena would have said... though they weren't particularly handsome, they were strong, alpha males, and their attitude as mobsters, businessmen, and now cowboys suited them. I sighed. Roland looked good in anything. We dismounted, tied the horses, and sat on a rock by the stream. He looked nervous.
"Relax, start wherever you think is best."
"It's not easy, ma'am. I've only spoken to Father Gabriel under the seal of confession and to the psychiatrist." He crossed his arms. "Everything is happening so fast. Since you came into the Patron's life, you brought a wave of feelings I had given up on. I want to make it clear that it's a fraternal love towards you, I see you as my sister. You brought changes to all of us around the Patron."
"I know that, Miguel. I feel the same way since Roland's death; I've bonded with you, Simon, and Ines in an inexplicable way."
"With that clarified, I'm glad to know the feeling is mutual."
"What do you want to talk about specifically?"
"Don't pressure me, ma'am."
I smiled. It was the first time I saw Miguel nervous. I've seen him maneuver a car and kill who knows how many people, and now he was scared to talk about himself.
"You brought an innocent freshness into our lives, showing us a different way of living. We came to you for a reason. Each of us had our reasons for entering the shitty world of drug trafficking.
"I joined because I was running away. I knocked on the doors to become a hitman for Don Roland Sandoval's organization. I've been with them for seventeen years. It wasn't easy to earn their trust at first. It took me six years to climb up to be one of the Patron's five trusted men. I earned it when I saved his life in a shootout. I was the one who got hurt."
"From then on, neither Simón nor he ever left me. I admired them for who they were despite having a messed-up past. For the past eleven years, we’ve built bonds of friendship, a structural organization for our people. Maybe, ma'am, my existence is crap, but my friendship with Simón and Roland, my love for Inés, and the appreciation for the rest of the guys is genuine." I thought it was nice that he referred to them by their names.
"It was, is, and will always be genuine." His voice cracked a little. "I miss him too, ma'am. You don't know how much I miss him, and you are the only thing that brings me closer to the boss's soul. You came into his life at the exact moment he needed, and you brought your light, dragging us into that change. You arrived like the angel Inés had been crying out for."
"Thank you."
"I was raped at thirteen by my stepfather for a year. When I tried to tell my mother, that bastard beat me up, silencing me and threatening that if I spoke, she would suffer. I was just a child, barely beginning to develop, and under that pressure, he manipulated me. I loved my mother; she was an excellent woman. So, I stayed quiet."
I didn't know what to say. So, Miguel's attraction to men wasn't really an attraction. I gave him time to continue.
"For a year, when he came home drunk and my mother wasn't around, he would take me. He never forced me to suck him or touch him; he just used my ass to stick his dick in." I felt my face burn and my pulse quicken. "Sorry for my words, but I can't speak nicely and insult at the same time with dictionary words." I smiled.
"The son of a bitch only used me to penetrate me. That bastard was and has been the only one to penetrate me. I don't like it. I'm not going to lie to you; I don't like taking men." Now he turned red. "It may seem contradictory because of what happened with Raúl. If that idiot hadn’t talked, no one would know except my rotten conscience."
"Raúl said something." He gestured.
"See, because of him, I had to face the shame of telling what happens to me sometimes. That’s why I act the way I do. It was also a test."
"Continue."
"My mother's husband would beat me whenever he felt like it. He exploited my mother; she worked to support his alcohol and drug addiction. Until I was thirteen, I was a good son. After that, I became a problem child. In the neighborhood in the south of the capital where I lived, I started practicing street boxing. I couldn't afford a gym or a coach. I met bad friends and joined a gang."
"I didn't listen to my mother's words, and my behavior led her to her grave, along with the beatings from her husband. That's one of the guilts I carry. She died disappointed in me, and I still blind her. The night my mother died, that bastard came home in the early morning reeking of marijuana and tried to force himself on me."
"But I had grown. I was stronger now. Before he could pull down my pants, I killed him. I stabbed him thirty times and left the house. I went to the place where I knew I could find work. I had heard about the boss's organization, and Rata saw something in me. That's why he recruited me right away."
"I like women a lot, but sometimes the memory of that son of a bitch torments me, causing psychotic anxiety. I need to vent or take revenge for what he did to me. That's why, when I felt those crises, I would go to a gay bar to vent my anger." I turned red again, and he noticed.
"I'm a monster. I've had therapy after confessing, and it has helped a bit. I know I need more help because once I vented my anger, I would feel ashamed of myself. No one knew my secret until Raúl showed up, who told you, and then the psychologist said I should try to clarify my inclinations and try to have a relationship with a man to see if I could like it."
"To make it easier for me to face the past without more guilt on my conscience." He spoke, looking me in the eyes. He was brave. "I tried with Raúl, but I couldn't kiss him. I didn't like feeling his touch on my leg. I abused him twice. He became intense, followed me around, and I distanced myself. I tried to be friends after that, but he fell in love. I'm not into that."
"Why are you telling me your story, Miguel?"