Chapter 135 - Dhampir Knight

After a long evening with her cousins, aunt and uncle, and with a belly full of Herise's marvelous lemon cake, Theora finally settled into her bed back at the Military Hall with her little stack of letters. She had tried to be polite toward her aunt and uncle and enjoy the dinner, but all evening, her mind had been on the little stack her aunt had handed her earlier. She just couldn't wait to read them, and she was grateful to Cylea, who had picked up on her mood and quickly pushed her sister to leave Theora alone to go back to the Military Hall and read her letters. She had used Theora's safety as an excuse to let her cross the Capital before it got too late, and since Aunt Gevenia, too, was nervous about the latest news, she hadn't opposed Theora leaving. However, her cousins insisted they would come to see her at the train station the following day for a last goodbye before she left for several weeks.

Nothing notable had happened on Theora's way back, but she had noticed the increased patrols and fewer civilians despite her taking the main, well-lit streets. There definitely was an unsettling atmosphere around, and until they caught the killer, she figured it would go on for a while. Her roommates had gone out to dinner, but Darim was there, and gave her a nod when she notified him she was back before heading to her room, happy to have some quiet for her reading.

Aunt Gevenia had visibly taken good care of her letters, and Theora took the time to check who had written them and decide in which order to read them. To her surprise, there were short letters from the kids back home, which were cute and only held a few lines that she could read in seconds, their drawings making her smile. The parents had added a couple of well wishes, too. It seemed the word had gone around that there would be letters sent to Theora, but no one mentioned her birthday, so she guessed her dad hadn't come clean about that. The long letters came from Merigold, Danell, and her dad. Theora decided to read Merigold's letter first, as it was one of the longest. She started with a long account of how the town was doing, citing almost every villager and every little event of note she could. She mentioned how much they missed Theora, how Quil ranted about having to fish the kids from off the cliff a couple of times, and how Danell's younger siblings missed her, too. There were also a ton of questions for Theora, asking if she ate well, how the Academy was, how the Capital was, about her aunt and cousins, if she had made friends, if she needed anything, when she was likely to come home, but also lots of reminders to not worry about them, stay warm, eat well, and train hard, but to take care of herself mostly. Theora smiled at every line as she read them in Merigold's voice and even giggled at a couple of lines about the boys' shenanigans or Merigold ranting about her godmother being a ‘stubborn one'. Not only that, but she had also knit a chunky scarf for Theora, which Aunt Gevenia had handed her at the end of the evening, as it had come in a tightly wrapped package. It was a very pretty one with wool the color of Theora's eyes, which made her wonder if they'd splurged on the wool or if they'd found a way to dye it at home. It was a bit late in the year to wear a knit scarf, but Theora rolled it around her neck all the same, happy about the hours Merigold had spent doing this for her. After her mother's passing, Merigold had been her adoptive mom of sorts and, all of a sudden, Theora missed her dearly. She silently promised to send back a long and thorough letter and wished she'd had time to buy some souvenirs to send home, but she could always ask Cylea to do it on her behalf; her cousin would know what to pick and how to send it carefully. Next was Danell's letter. Theora realized she'd mostly heard from him through Cylea, so it didn't feel like she'd received a letter that long ago, although it was the first one in a while she got addressed to her. The content echoed his mother’s a lot, albeit he had a different take on Theora's godmother's poor character (he believed she missed her and therefore was grouchier than usual) and his younger siblings (they were growing to be little rascals, he said). To her surprise, Danell also mentioned he had tried to convince Quil to visit her, either at the Academy or the Capital, but her godmother didn't want to be near either of those places, and Danell was starting to suspect something was off. Theora, too, was getting annoyed at how tight-lipped her godmother was. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that Quil hadn't sent her a single letter since she'd left. Her mentor had always been secretive, but her attitude was starting to become hurtful for Theora. Whatever promise Quil had made to her mother, Theora had hoped her godmother would finally reveal some of her mother's secrets, but for some reason, Quil remained the most secretive of all. Even if she wanted to believe her mentor had a reason for her silence, Theora was growing more and more restless. Should she write to Quil to tell her everything she'd uncovered so far? She had been extra careful about what she put in her letters, but it was getting hard not to let everything spill out. At least, Danell seemed to know about her birthday mix-up: he wished her a happy birthday but was bitter about it all the same; it turned out they'd wrongly corrected his mother. He had tried asking Theora's dad why they'd lied, but apparently, Hamel had only apologized without giving him a proper reason. Danell was writing to ask Theora for some explanation, and she knew her best friend well enough to guess what he didn't dare put into writing: he was getting nervous. Cylea had probably been careful in her own letter, but apparently, she'd let enough about Theora slip that her best friend was getting worried about her. Not only that, but Danell mentioned he was considering visiting the Capital soon. It wasn't a cheap trip, which made Theora worry for a second, before she realized Wordin Valley would get back all of their savings and a little more soon; Cylea would probably work on sending the money back safely shortly after Theora left for the north again. Theora didn't like using money she didn't earn herself, but at least she was genuinely grateful to be able to repay that debt so quickly. Owing her biological father, who was undoubtedly wealthy, was vastly different from owing people who had poured all of their savings into her education. If any kind of disaster struck her hometown, that money would be a huge help.

Finally, Theora grabbed the letter she'd saved for last: her dad's. For some reason, she was anxious to read it. As the only doctor for the village, her dad was busy, and Theora had grown accustomed to that. She had tried not to linger on the fact that he hadn't written to her, just like she had spent years trying to be alright with the fact that he was often too busy to spend a lot of time with her. Whenever doubt crept in about their bond, she'd hang on to the memories they did share of quiet meals, gentle smiles, and brief hugs. Her dad wasn't much of a talker, but he showed he cared in his own way. Theora forced herself to take a deep breath, settled herself a bit better, and opened his letter.

My dear Theora,

I should probably start by apologizing for not writing to you before. I know I lack a lot as a dad, and this should have been the tenth letter you got from me, at least. I did try to write several times, but every time, I realized I wasn't sure what to say. Every piece of news I heard from Danell had me thinking I was losing a bit more of my baby girl to the wide world out there, and it terrified me.

I miss my little girl terribly. Gevenia told me that your birthday came into question, and I am sure you uncovered a few more things already. I had a long discussion with Yanheim the last time he came to Wordin Valley, and eventually, I decided not to ask you anything because, at the end of the day, I am a coward. Often, I worry about how you'll change; the more you learn, the more you discover, and sometimes I even resent your mother for all the secrets she kept from me. I feel so helpless, Theora. It is a strange pain to hold the people you love the most at arm's length and yet know that you're only holding on to a fraction of them as they keep their secrets hidden. I once didn't understand why your mother didn't tell me everything, but now, with you gone and probably digging up whatever she hid, I'm a bit glad she kept me in the dark. Because no matter what you find, no matter what it was that your mom wanted to keep quiet, no matter who you meet, I want you to know that nothing will change for me. I loved your mom, and I loved you the second I held you in my arms. I regret absolutely nothing, Theora. I hope you know that it has been my greatest honor in life to be your dad. I might not be a very good one, but I'm still endlessly thankful for it. I know we never talked about it, but I'm aware that, as time goes on and you possibly discover things about your mother, your feelings might change. But I hope you know mine won't. I only have one daughter, and she has the prettiest purple eyes, a fiery temper, her mother's blonde hair, and she adores foraging for mushrooms, drawing machines I cannot comprehend, and climbing everything she can in the valley.

No matter what you find out there, I hope you know you will always have a home to return to in Wordin Valley. It makes me a bit sad how tall you've become and how independent you are, but then again, it might be my fault. Ann always pushed you to be strong and fierce, and I never was the kind of dad you could rely on much, either. I still regret the days that followed Ann's passing and how I let you grieve your mother alone instead of doing it together. I'm not proud of how I behaved. I was lost, Theora. You and your mother were the greatest things that ever happened to me, and losing her felt like the world had gone dark and the sun would never shine on me again. I'm sorry it took me so long to be your dad again. I know I hid behind work, but with Merigold taking care of you, being needed as a doctor was the only thing I had to hold on to, to keep going. I know I don't need to tell you, but grief is a dark, deep and lonely hole that's incredibly hard to climb out of, and while I wish I'd been here to help you out of yours, I'm sorry it took me longer to get out of mine. I've been mad at myself for everything I didn't do for you, and I had to apologize at least once, even if I could never face you properly. It still hurts every day that I wake up in an empty bed, every time I think about your mother, every time I look at you and realize how much you look like her. I promise I'm better, and I will work harder to be a better dad. I will send you more letters from now on. I'm sorry it took Gevenia and Merigold scolding me for me to sit down and finally pour out the words I'd been holding in for so long, but now it's done, and I hope, if you forgive me, you and I can exchange more letters as a dad and daughter should. It breaks my heart to realize how much I've failed you just when I know I might lose you any day to another man. So, as shameless as I might be, this is both my apology and my request. You're my daughter, Theora, and you'll always be my baby girl. No matter what happens, that will never change. I hope you know you have a dad in Wordin Valley who loves you dearly and who thinks about you every day, even if he's awful at expressing it.

I hope you're doing well at that academy of yours. I was worried, but it seems the news I hear from Danell is always good. I shouldn't have doubted you'd thrive there; it makes me happy. I'm glad you're getting along with your cousins, too, and it also sounds like you're doing well and made a lot of friends, which I'm happy about. I was worried you would be lonely, but from what I've heard from the news your cousin relays to Danell, you're actually pretty popular. It sounds like you have made a lot of friends, and I'm quite glad about it. I hope you stay warm in the north, and that it's not too hard. I just hope you're happy, my Theo. Remember that it is alright to have hard days or bad ones. Be kind to others, and try to understand them, if a bit. Merigold is always worried your temper will get the best of you, and it makes me laugh. I hope you keep that flame, Theora. It always made you shine brighter than the other kids. Just stay healthy, baby. Eat well, rest when you can, don't get sick, and experience life out there. Wordin Valley always felt too small for your dreams, so I hope you're enjoying the world. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything. Now that I've finally sat down and written to you, there are a million things I want to know, so I hope you'll write back so I can find some answers and reduce my questions. Tell me everything, Theora. Everything about your life, your friends, your school, your hardships, anything you want, baby. I miss you a lot, but I know you're happy out there, and that's all I need.

Happy Birthday, my Theora. I'm grateful for the past twenty years you have been in my life.

Your Dad who loves you.