I feel it the moment I step foot across the border. It’s like the snap of a rubber band, and the bond to my pack was officially gone forever. I dropped to my knees and vomited everything I had, which wasn’t too much but still, it did not help as I was already feeling weaker than usual. I had never considered life outside the reserve. I knew from a very early age that I would spend my life as a part of this pack or that of my mates when the time came. I knew very little about what happened to those who disassociated, only that they went mad most, if not all, of the time. I never understood why it drove them all crazy. It was a choice they had made. Now I know why. The moment the bond broke to my pack, so did my links to everyone and everything I had ever known. For the first time in my life, my mind had gone completely silent. I can’t believe how lonely I suddenly feel. There was no comfort, no one trying to contact me, no tethers that made me feel loved and secure. It’s no wonder that rogues go feral. When you live your whole life amongst the noise, how do you get used to anything else? To being utterly alone.
I just want to give up and lay in the grass, for how long, I don’t know, maybe until I feel like I had something to move forward to, but this is not the time to give up.
It was a small comfort to know that this wasn’t it for me. It was only for right now. I would make it to Amy’s I would have a family around me again. I didn’t want to stay this way. If I did, Declan’s wins. That single thought is what drives me to get back up again, to fight.
Sapphire, are you there still? I had felt her presence right up until we hit the boundary of the reserve, and then like everything else, she had gone radio silent.
Yes, I’m sorry. I am here. You don’t need to worry about me. It’s just taken me a minute. Breaking two bonds in one day is incredibly hard on a wolf. She complains. Poor thing, I know how that feels.
At least we will always have each other. It’s not much. It’s actually nothing compared to all that we used to have, but I hope it comforts her.
It's everything, Faith. We will always have each other. You're my girl. I love you. Her support made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
Because your not. She cooed. My heart was still broken, but with Sapphire, it would heal.
I love you too, Sapphire. I meant it. She was the best wolf I could have asked for. The moon goddess showed me great favour when she gave me Sapphire.
Come on, let’s go. We have no way of knowing what’s going on back there. They may still be coming for us. We can’t stay here. I urge her forward. I can feel how tired she is, but she makes the shift anyway.
My paws stretched out in front of me, my back arched, and my behind pointed towards the sky. It felt good to stretch out my muscles. I took a moment to shake out my limbs, and I was off. I was dipping and dodging the trees effortlessly until I made I finally found the one I was looking for. Just like dad had said, my bag was hanging from one of the lower branches. One clean jump and with a snatch of her jaws, we locked onto the bag and yanked. The small branch snapped, and we fell to the floor. Luckily I landed on my feet gracefully. I don’t think I could take another injury.
In a flash, I was human and naked, standing in the thick of the forest. It didn’t matter. No one was here. I loosened the straps quickly as far as they could go and slung the backpack on my back. I was halfway through my shift back when I heard a twig snap.
Not now. Don’t attack me, please. I prayed. My paws hit the floor, and before I could make a run for it, a large grey wolf with a white streak of fur on its chest and black socks stood tall right in front of me.
He doesn’t smell like my old pack or even a rogue. Who could be out here? Sapphire's tail spiked, and her ears were pushed back. I was surprised at the ferocity of her growl. Her haunches were up. She was ready to fight for us.
STOP! I warned her. I didn’t place it at first, but I defiantly knew that scent.
He’s not a threat. That's uncle Amelio.. I warn her and comfort her at the same time. The last few hours have her understandably on edge.
Sensing my wolf's panic, Amelio shifts to his human form. I quickly cover my eyes with my front paw. My day has been one shit show after another. I did not want to top it off with the image of my uncle naked.
“Pants are on” I had forgotten what his voice had sounded like before now. It’s been a very long time since I had a chance to see my uncle in person.
“Your wolf is so stunning. I have never seen anything like it” Amelio stares at her in awe. He’s right. Her colour was extremely rare. She was one of a kind. I had to stifle a laugh when she puffed her chest out to him in pride.
His hand came out and scratched affectionately behind her ear.
“Come on. We don’t have the time to waste, I'm afraid” he didn’t bother to take his shorts off. His clothes ripped to tethers, much like my dress had as his large paws thumped to the ground hard for a wolf that wasn’t very graceful.
For hours and hours, we ran without a break. It took me a while to realise that I was okay. That no one was following me, and I didn’t have to face Declan anymore. I didn’t expect him to get so violent, and all because I rejected him, it didn’t make sense. He didn’t want me. If he didn’t want me, why did he want me to be alone and unhappy? I didn’t want that for him. Even now.
Swear to me, Sapphire. Swear to me, right here, right now, that no matter what, we will never go back to him. There was a black hole currently where my heart should be. I felt empty, alone, vulnerable, but above all, I felt afraid. He did that. I gave him the power to do that to me, even if it was unintentional, but I would never, NEVER make that mistake again. He had his chance, and it wasn’t even that he blew it. It was that he didn’t want it. Fine by me, if that was his choice, and it was, then I was holding him accountable for it.
Faith, I swear to you, I will never accept him or Grayson as my mate! Not if he was the last wolf on this earth. I am relieved to hear that she is as determined as I am. Some wolves would have fought for their mate no matter what. I’m happy that Sapphire knows she deserves more than a life of suffering.
Grayson? I can only assume that was his wolf's name, but I had never met him, so I had to ask to be sure.
Yes. Grayson is his wolf. Sapphire confirmed.
How much longer do you think? I was exhausted. My legs were shaking under me, and my tongue was dry. I needed to stop and eat, get a drink; otherwise. I wasn’t going to be able to keep going.
I don’t know.
I pushed myself just that bit harder. I nipped at the back of my uncle's heels gently, I didn’t want to hurt him or make his wolf feel threatened, but I did need his attention. His wolf stumbled just a little. His big grey eyes snapped to me. After a few seconds, they softened considerably as if he was just now noticing the poor condition I was in. To be honest, he probably was.
He turned his back to me, and I took that as my cue to shift and get dressed.
Sapphire was relieved to let me have a control pack. The poor thing was as tired as I was.
I dropped the bag onto the floor. I was pleasantly surprised to find a change of my dads clothes as well as my own. He must have packed them for Amelio. He really did think of everything.
I quickly pulled out the tank top that was for me and slipped it on as well as a loose pair of black cotton shorts.
I threw the dark blue basketball shorts at Amelio. His wolf gingerly scooped them up in his teeth and trotted.