I wake up slowly, the room is still mostly dark except for a beam of light peeking through my curtains. I think I hate that beam of light. My head aches something terrible and I’m not sure if I’m starving hungry or totally nauseous. I guess ice cream for dinner wasn’t the best plan after all… At least my pillow is comfortable. I shift slightly, trying to burrow in, when I realise, this isn’t my pillow. It’s Lukas’s arm. Oh. Oh no. I freeze, my breath catching in my throat. Sure, Lukas was the one who hugged me first last night, but I can’t blame him for this. He’s still on his side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. And I… Am also on his side of the bed. Damn it. How did this happen? I was so sure I wouldn’t let this get weird. I was the one who set the boundaries, I was the one insisting this wasn’t a big deal, and I am the one who is absolutely about to make this ten times more awkward. I slowly, carefully, try to move away, but as I do, Lukas shifts. I quickly move further away, putting a bit of space between us. His eyes flutter open, bleary with sleep, and he immediately frowns, pushing his hair back from his face. His brow furrows as he blinks at me. He looks… Uncomfortable. Not in a scandalized way, or even in a what the hell happened way. Just… Not happy about waking up next to me. Wow. Okay. Somehow, that realization is worse than if he had been smug about it. I’m starting to think the main reason I’ve been comfortable with all the contact from him is because HE’S seemed comfortable. Plus he just always seemed so… Happy. And somehow that made me forget how weird this whole situation is. I suddenly feel ridiculous, like I’m some stupid, flustered mess over nothing. I should never have let him sleep in my bed. I got carried away with the alcohol, with his dumb flirting, with him. And now I’m stuck dealing with the consequences of my bad judgment. The consequences being a healthy serving of total awkwardness. I sit up quickly and scoot back to the very far edge of the bed, creating as much distance as possible.
“Uh, morning.” I say, my voice scratchy and awkward.
“I’m just gonna… I need to clean up. You can use the shower after.” I tell him as I attempt to climb out of bed with some kind of dignity. What even happened? The last few days have been so comfortable and now this. Lukas blinks at me for a second like he’s still processing, then nods slowly.
“Right, of course. I’ll… Make breakfast.” He says, his voice low and unreadable. And just like that, I flee to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me with a little too much force. I grip the edges of the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. What the hell was that?
After spending far too long in the bathroom, trying to pull myself together, I finally leave to give Lukas a chance to clean up while I eat breakfast. I’m dressed, but my hair is still wet, my makeup isn’t done, and honestly, I feel too crappy to care all that much. The headache from last night’s terrible decisions lingers, and the weight of awkwardness still clings to me like a second skin. Lukas is much quicker than me. By the time he joins me at the table, his hair is still damp, but other than that, he looks perfectly put together, as if last night never happened. He scratches Roxy behind the ears absently, and I get up to wash the dishes, half to distract myself. Without a word, Lukas grabs a towel and starts drying them. It’s weird. He’s not flirting. He’s not teasing. He’s not even giving me his usual smug looks. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells, and for some reason, that makes me feel even worse. He hovers in the doorway of my room while I blow dry my hair, then perches on the edge of my bed while I sit and apply my makeup. It’s like he wants something, but he won’t say it, and since I have no idea what it is, I don’t say anything either. I just know that if I do, I’ll probably make things worse. And that’s how we end up sitting on opposite sides of the couch, the silence between us stretching painfully long.
“So… Do we have a plan for the day?” I ask, mostly just to break it. Lukas shrugs.
“Call your cop friend and see if he has any other leads?” He suggests. It’s a reasonable suggestion, but he sounds incredibly unenthusiastic about it.
“Oh, yeah. I can probably give Eli a call.” I say, though my heart’s not in it either. Another pause. Yep, this is the worst. Lukas shifts slightly, like he’s about to speak, but then he stops himself.
I groan out loud, throwing my hands up.
“If you have something to say, please just say it. Unlike you, I can’t read minds!” I say, frustrated. Lukas exhales heavily.
“I guess I’ve been trying to work out exactly how much space to give you.” He says quietly.
“Huh? You’re trying to give me space? That’s pretty much the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing all week. Why?” I frown, totally confused. I don’t even know why I sound so offended. He was the clingy one. I never asked him to be all over me. So why does it bother me that he’s suddenly backing off?
“I didn’t hear much of your thoughts this morning.” Lukas admits.
“I was mostly asleep. But I got the general sort of indication that you didn’t want me around. Plus, there was the way you practically ran from the room. That was kind of a hint.” He adds dryly. Oh. I shift uncomfortably.
“That’s not… I mean…” I trail off, struggling to put my thoughts into actual words. And that’s when it hits me, I miss him just knowing what I mean without me having to say it out loud. How weird. I guess you really can get used to anything. I sigh.
“Luk… I think a lot of things. Do you always one hundred percent mean every thought you have?” I question. Lukas tilts his head slightly, considering.
“…I guess not. No.” He admits.
“Right, well, neither do I. So unless I directly say I need space, don’t make assumptions. My half asleep and totally hungover thoughts are not a good indication of how I actually feel. I’ll tell you if you need to back off.” I say firmly. He studies me for a second, then, slowly, his lips twitch into a smile.
“Well, in that case…” He trails off then he stands up, takes a few steps closer, and drops back onto the couch beside me, much closer than before. He puts an arm over the back of the couch behind me.
“I’m a little behind this morning, so bear with me a moment.” He says smoothly.
“You look lovely today, thanks for letting me share your space last night, and it was really nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.” He says it with a completely straight face. I blink at him, then snort before bursting into laughter so loud that Roxy rushes over and shoves her face into my lap, checking to see if I’m okay I guess.
“You are so ridiculous.” I manage between giggles. Lukas grins.
“Ridiculously charming, you mean.” He responds immediately. I shake my head, still laughing, but the heavy awkwardness that has been hanging over us all morning is gone. All of a sudden I realise, Lukas and I? We might actually be real friends.