One week earlier, Carson found himself in his parents' backyard as the sun was starting to set. Although he did not particularly enjoy shooting hoops, it did help him forget about the past.
Ever since the move, Carson has struggled to get used to his new life. When his family decided to move from New York to Arizona, he was only sixteen years old. Despite his best efforts, he was never able to fully integrate with his peers. He did his best to maintain good grades, engaged in extracurricular activities, and took great satisfaction in his well-groomed physique.
Carson, though, could not shake the persistent sense that something was lacking. Or more like someone. The former best friend of his was abandoned in New York, most likely without giving him a second thought. His soul ached to find out how she was faring. What was her life like at the time? Did she give him the same amount of thought that he gave her?
No matter how much he wanted to know, those questions would remain unanswered. His head would erupt in a throbbing headache that was impossible to ignore whenever he thought of Savannah. He had no idea why this strong reaction had been triggered. He wanted to tell her so much, but he never thought he would have the guts to say it. More and more every day, the friendship he so desperately wanted to mend vanished.
There have been numerous occasions for him to get in touch. Keeping track of her social media accounts, he wanted to see how she had changed over the years. Though still dark, her eyes had gained a greater sheen. Somehow, even in photos, her skin seemed to glow. That was perhaps her best quality, in Carson's opinion. She had always been beautiful to him, but with time, her beauty grew.
It was incomprehensible to Carson why he would not contact her after getting her information. It is not like she tried to reach out to him either, but his thoughts prevented it. To avoid the pain, he would much rather drown his sorrows between the legs of a chick. Although it was not the ideal answer, it has gotten him this far. Stopping now would be pointless.
Carson tries his shot and misses horribly. He raises his head to the sky, wondering how he got himself into this predicament. He could continue his antics, but the world that felt grey and dark would only get worse. Regretfully, he did not feel motivated to try to change since he could not talk to her.
Fortunately, Cole, his twin brother, would always appear to provide him with guidance. He was older by one minute, and he held that over Carson's head whenever he could. Nevertheless, his counsel was always valued. Getting Carson to listen was all that was needed. Regardless of the source of advice, he never seemed to settle on anything.
Cole grabs the ball, checking it with his brother. "How is your mental state?" Whenever he sees Carson, he asks that same question.
"You tell me," Carson responds, attempting another shot. Today, his mind was not in the game.
Cole grinned. "Not too good, based on the tone of your voice." He assumed as he threw the ball at the hoop.
Carson rolled his eyes, not sure why he was even there. "What do you want?" He grew irate.
He was not trying to be that irritated. Even before Cole arrived, he was not in a good place mentally. The fact that Carson knew exactly what he was going to say did not inspire confidence either. Cole constantly disregarded their strict rule, which stated that he would not discuss Savannah with him at all. To Carson's annoyance, he would bring her up whenever he had the chance. But this time, it was justified.
Cole picked at the nape of his neck. "When was the last time you spoke with Savannah?" He was curious.
Carson gave him a stupid look. "Let's see," he pretends to think. "About six years ago." He rolls his eyes.
Cole tells him, "Mr. and Mrs. Priest passed away a few days ago."
Carson came to a stop, his earlier irritation dissipating. The only thing on his mind was how Savannah was faring. He remembers her never having such a strong emotional state. He teased her about being a whiner, but he still cared about her well-being. It had to take a toll on her to lose her parents suddenly.
He thinks of the Priest family and is overcome with dread. They welcomed him into their home without fail, acting as though they were his second parents. He always knew he could go over there to cool off if he disagreed with his family. It infuriated him to know that he was unable to give Savannah the solace she required. He failed to support her when she needed him, even though they were meant to be best friends.
Incredulous, Carson lets the ball drop to the ground and looks back at Cole. He had not anticipated receiving this kind of news. It took him a moment to figure out how to respond without making things worse. His thoughts were completely disoriented and shocked as to why this had occurred. Why at this time? How could he console his dear friend when he was not present? The news broke his heart, and he had no idea what to do.
His eyes drop as he struggles with the melancholy. "H-how did this happen?" he stammers.
"A strange vehicle mishap on the freeway," Cole clarifies. "However, there is more."
Carson gives him a perplexed look in return. "What do you mean?" The sun's glint causes his eyes to squint.
Cole let out a sigh, fearing Carson would reject his proposal. "Now promise you'll hear me out." He couldn't be clearer about that. "I may have gotten us two tickets to fly out to New York."
Carson looked at his brother, astonished to hear this news. The fact that someone died in their immediate circle is terrible enough. Cole anticipated that he would abruptly take off for New York, but what would happen next? It has been years since he last spoke with anyone from home. His list of things to do did not exactly include seeing Savannah. He could not show his face, as much as he wanted to be there for her during this difficult time. Especially after all these years.
Carson was pacing along the concrete, unable to think of anything to say. His brother's suggestion sounded completely crazy. Cole had not spoken to anyone from home when he last checked. Given how much they have changed, Carson doubts they will even recognize them. But underneath it all was a secretive excitement that only desired his approval.
"Have you considered asking me before purchasing shit?" Carson felt aggrieved.
Cole furrowed his brows. "I reasoned that now would be a great opportunity to reacquaint ourselves with everyone," he said. "And possibly move back..."
"What do you mean, move back? The fuck?" The things that his brother had done had Carson puzzled. In most cases, they would discuss things. Why was he taking such drastic measures?
"I already talked to Mom and Dad about this," Cole continued to explain. "This is not where we want to be, and you and I both know that. So why not go back to where we belong? Return home."
As Cole's words continue to echo in his mind, Carson's pacing stops. This was their chance to return home, make amends with their friends, and experience normalcy once more. Carson had the resolution he so desperately sought right in front of his eyes. What made accepting it so difficult, then? Does he think Savannah will yell at him for never calling when he gets there? Alternatively, perhaps he fears that their relationship will not be the same as it was.
Making such a significant decision again required careful consideration. The great thing was that it was back to a place he knew. The drawbacks, though, proved to be too great for him. Although Cole's idea seemed promising in theory, it did not appear that Carson would be a good fit for it. Reexamining his past was the last thing he wanted to be doing.
Carson shook his head, expressing his sense that going back was not an option. Nothing remains for him at home. This was his new home in Arizona. A life of constant sexual sedation and numbness. All he needed was to put everything else from the past behind him.
"I'm sorry, but I can't," Carson denies. "Returning is not an option for me."
Cole grits his teeth in frustration. "We must go offer our condolences. It is the correct course of action. He makes an effort to persuade him. "And I am aware that you are eager to see Savannah."
Hearing her name again made Carson sigh. "Don't try to guilt me," he points at him. "Don't use my pain to your advantage!"
"It's true, and you know it!"
Looking back at his brother, Carson's expression creases into a furrow. In his heart, all he wanted to do was see her once more. To cradle her small frame against his chest in his arms. He felt warmth and admiration well up in his chest when she looked up at him. He had no justification for throwing away this chance to reignite what had been lost. What was preventing him from moving forward?
Cole chose not to pursue the argument further because he was unyielding. He was aware of the immense suffering his brother had endured in the years without his confidant. Cole desired for them to reunite to move Carson in the proper direction. If Carson declined his invitation, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Allowing him to return to New York was the best thing he could do. He was forced to end it there if he did not want to accept it.
Cole shrugs. "You are making a big mistake if you do not want to go," he says again. "You're paying me back for that ticket as well."
Carson bows his head while muttering obscenities. He was aware that Cole was correct and that failing to accompany him would be a grave error. Though it infuriated him to express it, Carson had to return to New York. He needed to get back to Savannah.