14- Theon

Mortals are fragile, like the stem of a flower. They break and shatter at the slightest things. I have lived far too long away from them to remember any details on their existence, their… brittleness. I had never thought the most powerful remembrance I would have on it would be watching one of them bleed in front of me.

I am a vampire, even though I have managed to curb my instincts better with my years of existence and I know better than anyone that smelling her blood makes me devoid of thought as all I can focus on is her but the second I smelled the blood trailing out of her nose, terror seized every part of me. Never have I ever felt as lost at that moment. When she went unconscious, I tried to make a rational decision but nothing I thought was making sense.

I couldn't take her to a hospital because the Ancients would know. I didn't trust anyone else to be with her except myself. I had no one I could trust to care for her in my stead because I didn't trust myself and I knew nothing about human anatomy. I'd focused all of my energy in understanding what I was to look at anything on her kind.

So in my moment of desperation, I had reached out to Isolde for help. I tried to hide the worry in my voice but she had heard it anyhow and though she didn't question it, she sent a doctor to me. A female vampire. I knew she would ask eventually why I desired one but I focused my attention on the Doctor.

I never engaged in rummaging into the heads of other vampires but I brushed through hers in a second. After making sure she swore her allegiance to me, I let her see Solaris. She looks like an angel of death as she lies. Her heart is the same, everything feels natural but she refupses to wake and fear in worsening this makes me even cautious. I watch as this Doctor, Cassia, places her hand on Solaris' forehead and I try to bite down the irritation at her touching my fox.

There are certain vampires that bear gifts, turned personally for their use. It is one of the only few times turning a human into a vampire is permitted. If a vampire does this in error, they are killed and so is the human. In other words, Solaris' existence is breaking too many rules as it is though none of them causes more distress than her being with me.

Cassia Wrangler has a gift so she is sought after by high ranked vampires to keep their pets well and alive when they are pushed to their limits. I watch as my patience begins to thin because Miss Mont isn't awakening and I am sure she senses my displeasure because eventually, she turns to look at me, her voice straightforward but her eyes betraying her fear as she asks, "Would you mind telling me what happened before this?"

I want to tell her that she should know but I let out a breath, saying as calmly as possible, "We were… Speaking of her family and I was asking if she remembers them but the more I asked, it seems that I pushed her somehow, and she began to bleed from her nose then pass out. That is all."

She doesn't look like she believes me but she doesn't dare questions me. "There is a blockage in her head, like a fog. Physically, she is in shape except for a few… Bruises, but mentally, there's a haziness in her mind. Like she's suppressing something powerful enough for me not to even take a glimpse into it. I could not even see a single memory inside her head. She doesn't seem to retain them. More or less, she's like a shell. Here, but not entirely."

I let her words sink in though my eyes won't stop looking at Solaris. I have always known she was… Detached but the genuine believe that she truly remembers nothing is new to me. I've always thought she never wished to speak of these things, but not because she couldn't remember. Clearly, something must have happened to make her do so. Something traumatic I suppose but the fact that she recalls nothing genuinely makes it impossible.

I wonder what she actually remembers. Me? I know very well that I am not of importance to her but something that she… Bears. I try to ignore how I feel discomfort that everyday she sees me, she cannot recall who I am and I terrify her, how closely I seem. I have never been this way with a human before and never have I regretted that as much as now.

"And may I ask you to be a little careful with how you feed from her?" Instantly, my eyes are on the Doctor and her heart spikes, her eyes widening in fear as she tries to soften her statement. "It is just— Her— Her blood is depleting at a rapid speed and it seems as if she is not gaining what she needs, Master. Perhaps, maybe you can feed from someone else. Another pet of yours—"

"A pet?" Even saying the word tastes like human food in my tongue. It is like paste. Chalk. Sand filling every crevice in my mouth and my face shows this distaste because her fear is beginning to cloud the room, almost empowering my fox's and I am beginning to lose my temper, the darkness in my poking it's head. It has been a long time since I smelled such… Ripe fear at my existence and the taste is… Consuming but I also need her alive for a good purpose so I rein myself in and say with a sigh, "She is not that. To me. You are not allowed to degrade her in such a tone."

The Doctor is nodding and apologizing in a ramble, trying to understand why she had spoken out of place. Of course, this had been me, making sure she tell me all of these things. One of the few gifts of mine to make a person speak truth always when I desire it. Yet, even now I think of it. Making her my pet might make things easier if I take out the attention it would cause. She might finally understand that I am all she has left and that I own her. Every bit of her.

The thought plays in my head. A room she can never leave, a chain and a leash. Locking her for eternity. I would try my hardest to make her makeshift prison perfect but I know nothing of her likes and dislikes so it would be stark and empty. Just like she is, and that is all it takes to make me realize that I truly need sometime away from her.

My plan… It wouldn't make her any better, would it? I know that there is nothing I desire more than her noticing me. Seeing me, and if I keep restricting her, locking her up, this… Fog, in her head would never be cleared. I would be but a passing face and her spontaneity and unpredictability that I enjoy feasting off would no longer please me and I would do what my kind does.

End her life.

A small frown creases my face at the thought of her no longer breathing. It would mean returning to the life I led though now, I cannot even recall any of it. I have somehow managed to entwine my millennials existence with hers, enjoying how she entertains me. The thought of killing her is unpleasant. Uncomforting but I know not to delude myself with the thought that I wouldn't hurt her if she dares not conform to what I desire if my brain makes me believe fully that I own her and therefore, should receive what I want.

Now, she is just a human that I find fascinating. Enthralling. And that is what excites me. If I take that choice she has, the game wouldn't be as fun.

My little fox wouldn't entrance me as she does now.

I get to her bed and bend to her face. She is peaceful, just like always. I think of her voice. What would she do if I was this close to her? Holding her last night was new, the action something I have never done before and she had slept so easily, without a single taint in her emotions. I would have thought that she trusted me, cared for my opinions but it is clear now that is she with me because I am what she sees at the moment.

And yet— Yet, I smile and say quietly, "You surprise me everyday, little fox. Do not ever stop."