Isabela Part 5

"That was just one of the things that saddened me in the present. You also started tormenting me and trying to drive me out of here, like you were disgusted by me. I tried to fight back, keep my head up, but the pain became unbearable. I couldn’t handle all the fights anymore, you know? I thought I could manage, engage in that battle and withstand the weight of your attacks, but I had no idea it would hurt this much."

"I’ve never felt anything but love and anger for you! Disgust?" he asks, as if mentioning it was absurd. "I think you're beautiful, I feel like kissing you just by looking at you," he confesses, pulling my mouth against his. His tongue slides into mine so gently, almost as if he's tired, sad, and seeking some relief in me. God! I love this bastard! The delicate touch of his fingers, which subtly weave through my hair, leaves me floating.

"I loved you from the first time I touched your hair. You have no idea that, in those five months we were together, it was the only period I was stable and without crises, right? You filled me. I always felt like I had a hole in my soul, you know? A missing part that made me feel bored with life. Like I was just an empty sack floating through the world. With you, those were the calmest months after my diagnosis. But I freaked out because I felt betrayed when we broke up, and the anger mixed with the love I had for you."

"And I didn’t want to love you, Nate! Damn, I swear I wanted to hate you. And sometimes I think you deserve it for doubting me, for hurting me. But I still love you so much." Now, I’m crying out of anger while speaking. Because that’s the truth. I didn’t want to love him, but I can’t get rid of all these feelings. I’m ineffective. "I love you so much, it suffocates me! I think I became obsessed with you in the past, and that never died!"

Nate is laughing, with a huge smile from ear to ear, watching me. He looks like a fool staring at me like that, full of admiration. I didn’t even realize I had sat down while talking.

"My love for you suffocates me too, because the fear of losing you when I have you in my hands is terrifying. Like at any moment, you could take off and disappear again," he confesses, kissing me again, more urgently, more violently. "Let’s have sex?" he asks, biting my lower lip. "We can take advantage of the fact that you’re not wearing anything under that shirt."

I almost give in to his words murmured against my lips. But there are many things to be said, boundaries to be drawn, to prevent us from falling apart by hurting each other again.

"Of course not! We need to clear things up! And set boundaries! First of all: you’re mine! And you’re not going to be with anyone else, not even that busty one. No one!" I know I’m practically growling, but it’s good to let out the things that suffocate me. I don’t want to and won’t share him. Never again! "Understood?"

"Yes! Will you be my girlfriend? If you accept, say yes by sucking me!" he jokes.

"Nate, I’m being serious!" I insist, removing his intrusive hands that were beginning to seek out my breasts. "Look at what happened to us! We need a much deeper conversation."

"Before this ‘deep conversation,’ let me make one thing clear: I hate it when you wear short skirts that show your pussy when you walk!"

"What? I…"

"That’s right. Wear shorts underneath or something. And never again should you be flaunting yourself on stage and showing your panties, or I’ll fuck you in front of everyone!"

I try to stay serious, but I end up bursting into laughter, remembering how he got mad for falling into his own trap when he tried to sabotage me at the ball. Nate growls as he grabs my hair and forces me to look at him.

"I’m serious, damn it!"

"Okay, kitty! Shorts under the skirt, and no erotic dances if you try to humiliate me and expose me to the whole college, calling me a bitch." I roll my eyes. "Can we have our deep conversation now?"

"I like it when you wear your sexy outfits, okay? I just don’t want anyone seeing what’s between your legs. That fun is mine only," he says, softening his grip on my hair and kissing my chin. I roll my eyes even more. I’ll wear the damn shorts under the skirt! "Okay, Isabela. How about this? Set the rules. Shout everything you need to say, talk about what’s choking you, but then tell me what I need to do to have you live with me here. And promise that when this place falls apart, you’ll come with me wherever we want," he says, holding my chin, with such expectation in his face that it brings tears to my eyes. "I thought you were an obsession because you were my favorite person in the past, like it happens with someone who has BPD. We get used to choosing a favorite person and go crazy over them. But it’s been years, and no woman has filled the void. I hurt you here at college, I wounded you, and the shards from the blows I dealt hurt me too. I never want to see you suffer again, because I love you so much. You know, I was terrified you’d end up pregnant, because I’m scared of being a shitty dad, like I am with everything in life. But if I ever think about having a baby, it would be with that blonde hair of yours that I loved so much, with that perfect chin dimple you have. So go ahead, be the boss of the game. Command me! And, most importantly, forgive me for being an idiot, for doubting you without proof, and for ruining your experience here. Forgive me?"

"Of course, my love!" It’s impossible to resist the urge to crash my lips against his in a desperate and passionate kiss. I only pull away from his soft lips because I still need to keep talking. "And forgive me too for ruining dinner with your dad. I was captivated by this place. Nate, you created a paradise for artists to study. It’s magical, a dream place, just like you said. So, I apologize for that, from the bottom of my soul. I swear I would have found another way to show my frustration over our first time, other than at that dinner. I’m sorry, kitty!"

"Damn, hearing that is like lifting the weight of an elephant off my shoulders. I get that you were mad at me, and that’s why you wore that crazy outfit, which left my brain competing with my dick over which one got more upset." He seems so excited to hear me say that, spinning me around to lie beneath him, showering me with kisses full of emotion, overflowing with the intensity that radiates from every part of him.

It’s really a sense of relief, feeling like I don’t need to armor up or fight anymore. I hug my kitty tightly, just careful not to brush my wrists against his back. I let him find some relief, grinding against me, sending electric waves to my clit from the friction of his hard member against it. But I swallow a moan and gather the courage to be firm:"