35- When Closed Things, Open

35- When Closed Things, Open
Aisha woke up feeling like the world had imploded around her and there was no use trying to pretend otherwise. As Imset always said, it wouldn't do her any good. How ironic she found those words now.

Everything hurt in waves, all flowing from the focal point in her chest. Nothing would ever be okay again. Suspecting that Aiko was dead and knowing it... hearing her voice like she was real... Aisha wanted to die. There was no more mincing words with herself. She was broken. Had been for most of her life and there was no burying the truth anymore.

She didn't even attempt to get up for school. What was the point? Go to school so she could be reminded that Aiko wasn't there anymore. Or that those people who took her away were all smiling and continuing their lives like nothing had happened? So she could awkwardly sit through her classes on pins and needles wondering if she were silently being watched by the gods? 

All of it sounded like a reason not to go at all.

She didn't bother eating, only managing to get out of bed to use the bathroom. Sometimes she slept, sometimes she cried, sometimes she managed to find her way to the living room if only to just stare at the television. She had put on a horror movie marathon and it played in the background on repeat.

More numb than she had been in a long time, she didn't have a single thought, simply laying there like an empty vessel. There was no room for anything else.

Aiko always had a gift for helping pull her out of these crushing bouts of depression, where her whole body would just cease to function. What happened with Imset was like a dam breaking in Aisha's chest and all that emotion just swallowed her whole. And for once she let it, realizing she didn't want to feel anything anymore anyway. Aisha dragged her eyes around the room, settling on the hot mess around her.

Have mercy.

Pain seemed to scissor up her chest. How was she supposed to exist like this? Lonelier than she'd ever been and neck-deep in grief. There was something exponentially harder to handle about having been happy for a moment only to lose it. It was almost better to stay miserable.

Eventually, she forced herself up, shuffling about the mess of her apartment in disgust. If Aiko could see her now, she'd be knee-deep in trash bags with some good music on full blast. She was never one to let Aisha get consumed by her depression. That small memory of the last day they'd seen each other gave her a little energy, reminding her of a time before the world felt so closed off and empty. She absent-mindedly touched the infinity tattoo on her wrist.

Aisha wiped her face, cutting off the tv and scrolling through her music until she found the playlist Aiko shared with her. Turning the volume up, she forced her hair into a bun and grabbed a trash bag from under the sink. It took her all night to clean everything because it felt like she was dragging a dead body everywhere she went, but she didn't stop. She danced to the music like her life depended on it, singing along with the words until the pressure in her chest felt even just a little more bearable.

After a shower, she sat at her desk, finger detangling her hair, watching The Crow.

______________________________________

Imset sat on the other side of his father's desk, irritatedly looking around at the baubles he'd collected over the years. Canopic jars of those who were grave robbed, jewelry from the early dynasties, several mummified offerings from his favorite Pharaohs, hand carved statuettes found on the black market. Imset sighed, feeling his father's eyes burning the side of his face. This was the second time in a handful of days that he was being scolded. Horus sat perfectly still behind his desk, glaring at his son in silence.

"Again?" was all he said. And Imset knew better than to answer, "Your mother's already been to see me... and here we are. I suffer? You suffer. You see the relationship? Your shit's not together, my shit's not together. You understand? Look at me!"

Imset snapped his eyes back to his father, who was growing more angry by the second. He noticed a large handprint coming in on the side of his face, "Your mother is upset with me, over something foolish you've done, this-"

"She hit you again?" he bit back the laugh, holding his stomach. This wasn't the time for humor but he felt the laugh burning in his nostrils.

"What? No! Of course, not," Horus grumbled, "Why would you say that?"

"The large mom-shaped handprint on your temple," Imset pointed, taking a deep, strained breath. Horus, however, was not laughing.

"And what if I were to hit you hmm? Since you like being distracted from the reason you're even here?!" Imset immediately closed his mouth and sat up straight, "Yea that's better. You pulled some grade A stupid shit in your long life, but this? Imset, I'm genuinely disappointed." Imset looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Horus leaned back in his chair, tenting his fingers in his lap, "Are you an idiot? Did I actually raise an idiot? According to your mother, your attitude is my fault but I don't recall being this hard headed." He clenched his jaw and began to rock in his office chair. Imset's skin suddenly felt flushed.

"Do I have to correct you? Are you really going to make me beat my grown son's ass? Why? Do you think I have nothing better to do than sit my son down and tell him that manipulating someone's pain for their own benefit is low." Imset cringed at the phrasing, "Your grandfather and I have a lot of differences. I understand you love him, and respect him. Which is good. I'm not saying you should stop either of those things. But the man can be ruthless and jaded. He judges everyone but himself. And had you warned me that you were thinking of working with him in regards to Aisha, I would have smacked some sense into you."

"T-that's not what it was," he shifted, uncomfortably, "The truth is I don't know why I did it. Not really. Of course I know why I said I did it, but... I don't really know why I did it, dad. It's why I can't give a good answer when they keep asking. I don't have the answer. Except to say I was afraid."

Horus' face softened a few levels, scooting closer to his son, "Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me more." Imset gulped and looked away.

"She doesn't have it in her to kill someone. I know it. And maybe under any other circumstance, that'd be a good thing. But not in this case. In this case, I'm stuck between whether she goes against who she is so I can keep her, or stays true to herself so I can kill her. Who the fuck made it this way...?"

"Your fears are warranted. I can understand them. You have had more misfortune than any other god when it comes to your consorts. But have you considered how fear has affected Aisha?"

"Ever since you answered the call, you have given her more and more reasons to fear you. Reasons to fear us all. This is just another example of how cruel the gods can be. Maybe she doesn't want to be like us. And I don't blame her."

"Grandfather said I should help her build up her fight. Anger her into wanting to take a life into her own hands. And at the time it made perfect sense. It gave me hope. A sense of control."

"You're talking about a man who is so set in his principles and how he feels things should be, it's crippling. The man hasn't adapted with the times at all. It's making the underworld, the least efficient sector of operations. Do you even think he cares? I mean I spend hou-"

"Dad... you're on a tangent..."

Horus cleared his throat, "My fault, where were we? Ah yes, well again, I ask you to look at Aisha. What kind of control has she been given? You're desperately affected from the small measure of control you've lost and yet, you're expecting to readily accept this world where she has even less power than she has with humans..."

Horus leaned himself closer as his son finally opened up, "I think it's the age, you know? She's just too young."

"Surely, not. You've been summoned by younger, especially in the old world. And among humans she's a woman perfectly capable of understanding her own wants and needs."

"Yea but this is different. She's too young to be in this position. Too young to be killed. In ancient times, eighteen was nearly middle aged. But now, people live until their eighties and nineties. She could still have a full life if she wasn't bound to me."

"And who chose that binding, Imset? She is aware of the old ways. She understands how this works. I don't think you should consider yourself as having forced her into anything. She's a consenting adult who summoned a death god."

"She's barely gotten to really experience anything and I'm potentially going to be snatching it from her. I-I don't want to do that. I wish I had never accepted the contract." Imset crossed his arms over himself with finality.

"Okay, that's fair," Horus smiled a sad smile, "I made you take it. I saw something in her that seemed like a good fit for you. And clearly it was because you're so emotional about it. But is it her fault you feel this way?"

"N-no o-of course not. I never said it was."

"Then why are you taking it out on her? Why are you toying with her? Doing things to hurt her? Punishing her and yourself?"

"I'm n-" Imset couldn't finish his sentence because he knew it was a lie. Maybe it was a punishment for waking something that had been dormant. Maybe it was a punishment for himself for allowing himself to try again.

"Because if she's as smart as you've said she is, then she knew full well the potential of death that accompanied her request. In fact, If I recall, she actually called upon me, not you. She asked me to send her a son. Yes and if my memory serves, she said she would give anything I requested if I sent her a son. She never even asked to be spared from anything."

"Yea I remember and I already asked her why she never asked to be saved, but her answer was confusing."

"How so?"

"She said, she figured she would ask for the most important thing first. I mean, revenge being more important than her own life? None have ever claimed such a thing before her."

"Son, why have you chosen to ignore the things she's already told you are true? Are you really so determined to drive away with your intentions..." Horus couldn't help but roll his eyes at him.

"Well, I-"

"As the divine father, I already know all there is to know about  the girl and I could easily tell you. But as your father, I will simply advise you to believe her at her word. You don't know whether or not she will pass the test. Your anxiety is based entirely on your assumptions formed by a handful of moments. Of that, I am certain. And yet you've convinced yourself it's doomed before it's even begun. That's something a fool would do."

Imset opened his mouth to reply but found nothing to refute. He was right, as he always was. He felt incredibly silly for a moment. And then, incredibly guilty.

"Because whether she passes or not is not in your control. What's more important is, that if she is going to fail, and these are her last few weeks or months on this earth, what kind of life are you giving her? That says far more about you than trying to spare her from a choice she readily made..."

Those words hit him square in the chest, cracking something open.