Chapter 74 Three Little Words

Chapter 74 Three Little Words
I don’t know what comes over me, but my reaction to Lawrence’s heartfelt words is a smile.
A slow, wide smile that stretches across my face and makes my cheeks ache.
A proud smile.
Proud because I’ve seen him struggle to say it. I've watched them climb all the way to his lips only for him to swallow them back down, afraid of what they might reveal.
And now they're finally here.

“Lawrence,” I whisper, pushing myself up until I'm sitting against the headboard.
He does the same thing, his nervous green eyes gazing into mine. “Yeah?”
“I’ve always known.”
Red creeps up his neck and across his cheeks. “You have?”
“Yes,” I say softly, reaching up to touch his face. My thumb brushes the light stubble that's growing on his jaw. “And I’ve been dying to hear you say it.”

A guffaw of surprise leaves his throat.
Lawrence ducks his head with an embarrassed smile, drumming his fingers nervously on his lap. He's suddenly unable to hold my gaze.
“Well…” His eyes drop to his hands for a second, and the drumming stops. “... now that you’ve heard it.”
He clears his throat and looks back at me, shyly. “Won’t you…” Lawrence pauses.

I already know what he's trying to ask, and it only makes my smile widen.
The poor man suddenly looks more nervous than when he was on the Ferris wheel.
“Won’t you say it back?” he finally pushes through.
Instead of answering, I lean forward and press a soft kiss to his cheek.
"That's for being so adorable."
Lawrence shrugs, letting out the smallest, most offended huff. "I'm serious."

"I know,” I reply with a grin. It’s nice teasing him like this, watching the powerful Lawrence Moore get flustered over something as simple as three little words.
“Who knew you could be this cruel?” he grumbles under his breath.
I don't answer.
“Tell me,” he says again, a little more insistent.
“No.”
He narrows his eyes at me. "Scarlett..."
"No."
His mouth falls open. "No?"
I grin again, making a face at him. "No.”

He attacks without warning, and a startled squeal flees my throat as his fingers find my sides.
I burst into giggles, squirming under him as he carefully hovers over me, never putting his full weight on my body.
"Oh my God… Lawrence!"
He knows every ticklish spot on my body.
Every single one.
And he uses that knowledge to his advantage.

“Stop… Lawrence, please stop!” I laugh, even as fresh cramps twist through me. But right now, I don’t care.
"Not until you surrender." He replies, mercilessly attacking another spot.
"I won't!"
"You will."
"I won't!”
“You’re too stubborn,” he growls playfully. Just give in already.”
“No,” I manage between breathless giggles.

My stomach hurts from laughing, and the cramps are throwing a tantrum.
I know I'm probably bleeding more because of this… but what the hell? I haven't been this happy in over eleven days.
The tickling stops, and so does my laughter. Lawrence finally ends his attack, the room suddenly growing quiet.
He's still hovering above me, that I can feel the warmth coming from his body, but his expression has softened.

“Say it back, Scarlett.”
His voice is a whisper now.
"Unless..." He pauses. "Unless you don't mean it.”
The fear in his eyes steals every teasing remark I planned to reply with.
My poor baby.
Reaching up, I cradle his face with both hands. “Lawrence,” I whisper, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
He leans into it.
“I love you.”

His eyes flutter shut for the briefest second.
"Of course I love you," I say again, and he immediately releases a shaky breath.
Relief relaxes his features as he opens his eyes again, giving me the smallest nod.
For a long moment, we don't speak, even though he's still above me.
Mere inches separate us; he's so close that I can feel his breath.
Close enough to kiss him.
We haven’t kissed since our mini seperation, and the pull is so strong it aches.

Part of me screams to close the distance, to say "fuck the space" and lose myself in him.
I almost do.
I really almost do.
But before any of us can act on our impulses, Lawrence slowly pulls back.
He rolls off me gently, breathing hard. And I mourn the loss of his warmth.
“Looks like you’re feeling better,” he says quietly.
His back is to me now, but I notice the way his hands grip the edge of the mattress before he lets go.

"Yeah," I murmur.
A heavy silence settles between us.
“So…” he clears his throat. “I should go.”
Lawrence pulls on his shoes, then stands up slowly, like it physically pains him to do so.
My heart splinters at the thought of being all alone without him again.
He takes a few steps toward the bedroom door before stopping halfway, then turning around. Those striking green eyes meet mine, carrying a variety of emotions.
“I want to kiss you, Scarlett,” he admits in a rough voice.

His gaze lingers on my lips before he forces himself to look away.
"But..."
He lets out a slow, controlled breath. “Like I promised you and myself, I’ll give you the time you asked for.”
The sentence looks like it costs him everything. “I'll give you the space you asked for."
He swallows hard.
"And I mean it.”

His shoulders rise and fall with another breath.
"I'll be here for you anytime you need me. But until you’re ready…” A sad smile ghosts across his lips. "...until you're certain you want me back..."
He shakes his head lightly, like he's reminding himself more than me.
"I'll keep my distance.”

"I just told you I love you," I say quietly.
His smile grows, small and tender.
"I know,” he whispers. “And hearing you say that..." He lets out a short laugh. "God, Scar... you have no idea what that means to me."
The smile slowly fades.
"But have you forgiven me?”
I fall quiet.

His eyes search mine, and I can tell he already knows why.
"In your heart of hearts..." he continues, his voice low. "...have you been able to look past what I did?”
His voice falters. “To look past the fact that this..."
He raises his hands slightly, then drops them in a helpless gesture. "...is who I am."
Another dry, humourless laugh escapes him. "When it comes to you, Scarlett.” He looks at me with an honesty that breaks my heart. “I'm an out-of-control, obsessed man."

Lawrence has changed.
Months ago, he would've rationalized every decision, or line he crossed, convincing himself it was all in the name of protecting me.
But not today.
Today, he's standing in front of me with every ugly part of himself laid bare, asking me to see it instead of hiding it.

"And I don't know if that can be helped," he continues quietly. "But I'm trying."
His gaze never leaves mine.
"I'm trying really hard for you."
A lump rises in my throat.
He's standing before me, but I don't see a man desperately trying to win me back, even though I know that's what he wants more than anything.
A man who isn't asking me to excuse what he did or pretend it never happened.
I see a man trying to become someone worthy of being loved by me.

The difference means everything.

"Get well soon, baby," he says at last, offering me one final smile.
"You know where to find me."
He doesn't move for a second, watching me intently. Then he turns.
At the bedroom doorway, Lawrence pauses. And I know he's fighting the urge to look back.
But eventually, he doesn't.
He leaves my room. And less than a minute later, the front door clicks shut.

I sit in the silence for a while, staring at the door he'd disappeared through.
Then, like Lawrence's presence had been holding them at bay all this time, the cramps return with full force.